Two genders Two Tails

My hair is one of the biggest things away from friends and family etc that I care about. Hair for me defies you as a person, it helps to create that first impression when you meet someone new. Your hair gives you character and shows the world what type of person you can be... or show people that would rather judge you than you talking to you passing in the street. Hair is important.

Unfortunately for me it doesn't matter whether I present as male or female my hair is apart of me that is incapable... Ish of staying on my head. Since leaving McDonald's I feel that my hair has started to get slightly thicker but I'm unsure of how long it will take before the situation gets better or if it ever will.

To present as female I have to wear and I really hate calling it this "wigs." I really feel embarrassed wearing them as I know it isn't mine. I'm restricted to what I can do. Their are probably loads of way and techniques into doing things where you can pardon the cliche but "keep your wig on." I have seen some special glue that you can get that will do just that without hurting you taking it off. I have one issue with the glue, I don't present female long enough. It's very rare that I will present as female for more than 6 hours, it's not that I can't do it or I don't want to do it, but it's mainly down to when triggered. I have never woken up and decided what gender I want to be that day or when I have gotten out of the shower etc, this is mainly to I don't decide on what I want to do it just happens. I don't look in the mirror and think I really need some make-up on or think I hate my hair. I just go into my draw get what I need and then do what I must, I don't question it, or think about it I just do it.

My Hair... Okey Wigs

Since April I've changed my hair and all have been different colors and prices. Like with make-up and clothes etc I start cheap then work my way up as I get more comfortable or where I want to something big and the only way to achieve this is getting better stuff in. My first wig I got would have probably been classed more as fancy dress item more than something a Transgender /cross dresser/ Bi-Gender person etc would wear, but at the time I wanted cheap hair to learn from and had no research under my belt so where was I really suppose to go, it was all about getting that bit of clay and starting to mold it into something I liked or something I know I could move on from. Think it cost around £15 on ebay can't remember the store.
The crappy hair was a stepping stone and I soon moved on from it very quickly. You couldn't work with it, you couldn't really comb it, it was already curly and you could even see from a massive distance that it wouldn't fool anyone if I was out side never mind making me feel more feminine more like an idiot so I decide to do research and fast.

After the research which I did very quickly think it was two week later I got hold of better hair that was made out of a Synthetic material and could be brushed, curled and straightened using real hair straighteners and hair curlers but only up to 120 degrees Celsius, which after trying a few times work but not to the extreme and took longer, but like most things it was a start and it looked like hair and not like a joke. It cost me around £27 again on ebay.

It really made a difference in not just the look but how I felt as female, I felt more feminine more the part that I should be. The confidence and positive for myself just sky rocketed I could start and do more things not just to my hair but make-up to. The only problem was it was harder to style, I think I broke 3 brushes alone as it just got so knotted and was harder to style. I used to have long hair, well not as long as the piece that I was using and it didn't seem to knot as much. Whether that was due to my hair being thin I don't have a clue. When I finally decided to venture outside (I've done this a few times all at night) for the first time no one really said anything to me I just had someone whistle at me as they went past on their bike. Only once has someone really tried to interact with me and it was when I was walking over a field at like 2am in the summer. Me thinking no one will be out will be okay for me, turned out people was camping in the field and someone was on riding round on a bike, which they called me over and calling me using female pronouns but I decided to ignore them and carry one walking. I was crapping my pants as one of them could of ridden over to me and I haven't yet really tried to train my voice to be more feminine but there are issues that I face which I will write in another post. Anyways he didn't ride over thankfully and I just continued with my journey, without any other human encounters. Think the other thing about that night where I walked into a spider web and nearly screamed... Luckily I put my hand over my mouth to stop me. Not the best thing to do at night when you visibility is very hard.

I now have new hair and if you knew me (male side) you would never guess the colour
I have gone for. For many years since leaving school I have only really had dark hair colours, think I've had blonde highlights in and I once had black hair with blonde streaks in when I went to watch Versailles in London, was like the best day ever and managed to share the occasion with two totally awesome people in the world and miss so much. Hope your still loving South Korea miss you both loads. x

My hair now is shorter bit to short for my liking but I'm hoping that I could add some extensions maybe. If I can it will be real human hair and will be from the same place I bought my hair from so I can dye them altogether. Wearing it for the first time I was like wow, not the fact that I think it looks good, but the colour totally changes how I look, well I think so anyway, not meaning that in a vein way but being used to having darker hair whether its my male side or my female side its just different. It's been over ten years since my hair was light. When I was younger my hair was just pretty much white, think I was around 13/14 when my hair changed colour and went darker.

Okies then for my latest hair... Pft okies wig. I bought this from a shop on the web. The website is http://www.wigshow.co.uk. The wig is hand made, and took around 10-12 days to make. It cost me £77 (84 including delivery I think) which I think is good for real human hair.

The size is slightly smaller but it will fit on my head and wouldn't bother me wearing it for long periods of time, plus in the new year I'm going to concentrate more on my weight and try to bring it down. So by this time next year it will be prefect, hopefully I will have some results on my real hair. I think the longest I've worn a wig was around 12/13 hours, and I never got feed up of wearing it during that time. I weird as anything that I would wear to present female I doesn't bother me as you just get on with the day and eventually it feels like part of you, just like the breasts do, they both can be easily forgotten about. The role that I am at the time takes over.

Other Things

I shall be doing an update on another post about my new hair as I have only worn it a couple of times and not for very long either but I plan to do something soon that will be a new to the journey that i'm still on. I just hope what ever happens it will be as awesome as all the rest of the events has been.

The good thing about my journey so far is that so many things has happened in such a short time and all my experiences that I've had have all been positive from coming out to going out. Many people have told me from private messages to comments on my wall or even my Dad telling me how brave I've been, but for me it isn't about how brave you really are. It's not about are you ready, because everything I've ever done has been non of them.

Blackpool being the biggest thing I've ever done and I've had an awesome friend that help me push along the way. If you have the support you need to feed off it. You also need to do it for yourself, I don't want to be stuck inside four walls because I want to present female, I generally want to go out, at the stage i'm at I would want to be with friends as less people will start causing trouble when your in a group, so I know I have the support and it's down to us all getting the time to meet up and for my female side to trigger I will never trigger it on purpose, you need to do it when you feel natural, forcing it for me will only make it worse.

When I went to blackpool I knew one of my friend was coming round and never planned to present female, I just ended up watching family guy before he came round and then just grabbed my make-up and got ready. Think I finished getting ready 15 mins before he came round, he didn't know I would be female, and acted normal greeting me as female when he saw me.

But anyways I'm after attending the Manchester Christmas markets as female this year also hope I might get the chance to go to the Trafford Center as female we will have to see, and which friend will want to go with me. If my mother would have been more comfortable with me being female I have presented female for Black Friday as I have the day off work, and I would get to go shopping!!! Plus its pay day also. So Cyber Monday for me it is then.