Hey everyone.

This is my first year anniversary of realising that I'm Bi-Gender and decided to take the big leap to learn and discover more about myself. Not only that on the 9th April 2014 was not just the day I decided to take the leap I also came out to a very close co-worker. Which not only went positive but within a month all my store knew about it and the results was positive, which only gave me the strength to do more, learn more and able to push myself more than I ever have in my life.

First 12 months in a nutshell;

1. Came out to my first person
2. Came out to brother
3. Came out to father
4. Came out to a close friend
5. Presented female for the first time to that close friend and went out (all the above within my first month)
6. Went out on my own as female (okay it was early hours of the morning)
7. Went out in public for the first time (Blackpool)
8. Came out at my new work place to the Managing Director of my new work place (Complete acceptance)
9. Came out on Facebook
10. Presented as female and meet up with a massive group of friends at the pub round the corner from where I lived.
11. Presented female at my closest friends house
12. Stopped two idiots from discriminating me 
13. Most if not all my work place know and had mainly support.

I admit I do go on about it too many times especially Blackpool, but I have to be honest I'm proud of my achievements and how many I've done in such a short time. It makes me feel so lucky that I have been able to do what I have as I know friends around the world that hasn't been able to, due to where they live. Which has been due to their background, where they live and religious issues etc. It makes me feel so happy that I've had the support and was able to over come two people that bullied to me.

My only big thing to face me is going out during the day as female. I can't just be shying away from buying clothes, make-up and other things online. 

Changes

From my first picture to now loads if not everything has changed, and to be honest I think for the better. 

Changes in my face
(left the oldest to right the latest)

Changes on a whole (Attire);

 One of the first pictures (was my Bushido gear)

 Jeans, hoodie, snood (River Island), boots (New Look)

Blackpool

 Leather jacket, jeans and boots (under the jeans)

 Black skater dress and over the knee boots

 

 Dress Same as above with Knee boots (from JustFab)

 At Christmas before I went to the pub 

I played it safe Long sweater jeans and ankle boots (new look)

My last outing a couple of months ago outing was at night

Long parka coat, jeans and ankle boots

This was taken last week and seemed to be loved by my friends

 black Lace dress, tights and suede over the knee boots

(Boots from Pink boutique, you can find this style everywhere)

Overall I think I've changed for the better, and I'm sure I will achieve more and more. This year has been a dream as I managed to discover more about myself, about other people and how good people have been. From me now respecting my brother more as I'm sure if anyone knew me before this they will say I used to hate him and I think he knew also... yeah really I did. Now I respect him loads for the support hes has given and how he has changed from being a prick to a douche bag.

For all the people that has supported me...

Love you loads
xx

First of all I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend.

One Year On 
This Easter not only am I off for the holiday, but I'm off for the entire week (6th-12th April) this is also a massive week for me as it has been a full year since I found out that I was Bi-Gender. 9th April is the date where I also came out to a close work friend when I decide to start my journey of learning about what Bi-Gender really was. I also needed to find out more about me.

(My first ever picture April 2014)

I'm a type of person that likes to discover things and learn quickly. Sitting back in denial is something that brings on negative feelings and then comes depression which is something I don't want to suffer from. I've been in dark places mentally in the past where I wasn't the best person to be around, moody, violent, negative and to come back without the use of professional help and drugs which I refuse to consume, it takes some doing and I wasn't going to go back to that place.

Where everything started to advance in looks and attitude

As soon as I knew I came out to a good work friend and it went well, within hours and days my whole store knew, maybe not the whole truth as Chinese whispers and all but all was soon corrected and the support was just brilliant. Within a month I was out to close friends and also to my brother and father, which surprised me as I thought of them both as assholes which I'm sure they knew at the time which has now changed, and I respect them them loads even though I may not show it to them both. Also within that first month I presented female to one of my closest friends and went out for a drive so stepping out in the big wide world as female within one month.

I'm not the sort of person to like myself but I liked this

A couple of months later I presented female to my Dad for the first time which went awesome, I didn't say much when I presented female or even when I was with my friend. It's all about doing it more and more till you get more comfortable with the person you're with till you begin to be your self. Now I don't hesitate when my Dad's in the house I just do as I feel.

This was just before I presented to my Dad and another picture I liked

In June I decided to take a big step when I was working at McDonald's I decided to speck to Human Resources about being Bi-Gender which they have never heard of and soon was the talk of the department according to the operations consultant, One day I walked into where I worked before my shift he came straight over to me and started to talk to me, which I had to tell him that I was leaving as I've got a new job. Which was sad as it could of been big for McDonald's and could of started a campaign off within the company. Even at my new job now people know and there are so many people that support me.

On my birthday I felt I wanted to try something different.

In September I came out on Facebook on my male profile to get loads of supportive messages, then a couple of days later to go out close in the public in Blackpool with my closest friend, which he was very encouraging telling me to lift my head up as I spent most of it looking at the floor but I generally do that as male. The only reason I was out in Blackpool as I needed to toilet and had to use the females.

Blackpool

I think the biggest achievement happen on Christmas Eve, I got invited for drinks with everyone I used to work with at McDonald's. I decided not to fight my feelings at the time and went as female. This was the first time I've been around so many people that I know and all where supportive which was the reason why I did it as we was in a big group so no one would bother us anyway, plus I was wasted before I got to the pub due to waiting on my friend. The males that was there was awesome I didn't get any handshakes, I got hugs which was awesome, I got treated as female which will be a night I will never forget.

Christmas Eve 2014 I was wasted

With so many things done in one year which has flown by. I said at first when I found out that I was scared what would happen and now I'm petrified after all the stuff I've done, and the transformation along the way, how much in fashion has changed and I think for the better, the improvement of make-up. All this makes me think. What has this next 12 month going to be like? Will I end up staying female? If so will HRT happen? So many questions and it really bothers me as the journey continues. I've still yet to go out in the day as female, I'm still yet to wake up and have a wash to then get ready as female.

How I've changed in 12 months

Am I still scared?

Absolutely, but I would never have got this far if it wasn't for the support that I've received so to everyone that knows me.

Thank You
xx

My hair is one of the biggest things away from friends and family etc that I care about. Hair for me defies you as a person, it helps to create that first impression when you meet someone new. Your hair gives you character and shows the world what type of person you can be... or show people that would rather judge you than you talking to you passing in the street. Hair is important.

Unfortunately for me it doesn't matter whether I present as male or female my hair is apart of me that is incapable... Ish of staying on my head. Since leaving McDonald's I feel that my hair has started to get slightly thicker but I'm unsure of how long it will take before the situation gets better or if it ever will.

To present as female I have to wear and I really hate calling it this "wigs." I really feel embarrassed wearing them as I know it isn't mine. I'm restricted to what I can do. Their are probably loads of way and techniques into doing things where you can pardon the cliche but "keep your wig on." I have seen some special glue that you can get that will do just that without hurting you taking it off. I have one issue with the glue, I don't present female long enough. It's very rare that I will present as female for more than 6 hours, it's not that I can't do it or I don't want to do it, but it's mainly down to when triggered. I have never woken up and decided what gender I want to be that day or when I have gotten out of the shower etc, this is mainly to I don't decide on what I want to do it just happens. I don't look in the mirror and think I really need some make-up on or think I hate my hair. I just go into my draw get what I need and then do what I must, I don't question it, or think about it I just do it.

My Hair... Okey Wigs

Since April I've changed my hair and all have been different colors and prices. Like with make-up and clothes etc I start cheap then work my way up as I get more comfortable or where I want to something big and the only way to achieve this is getting better stuff in. My first wig I got would have probably been classed more as fancy dress item more than something a Transgender /cross dresser/ Bi-Gender person etc would wear, but at the time I wanted cheap hair to learn from and had no research under my belt so where was I really suppose to go, it was all about getting that bit of clay and starting to mold it into something I liked or something I know I could move on from. Think it cost around £15 on ebay can't remember the store.

One of my first pictures

The crappy hair was a stepping stone and I soon moved on from it very quickly. You couldn't work with it, you couldn't really comb it, it was already curly and you could even see from a massive distance that it wouldn't fool anyone if I was out side never mind making me feel more feminine more like an idiot so I decide to do research and fast.

After the research which I did very quickly think it was two week later I got hold of better hair that was made out of a Synthetic material and could be brushed, curled and straightened using real hair straighteners and hair curlers but only up to 120 degrees Celsius, which after trying a few times work but not to the extreme and took longer, but like most things it was a start and it looked like hair and not like a joke. It cost me around £27 again on ebay.

It really made a difference in not just the look but how I felt as female, I felt more feminine more the part that I should be. The confidence and positive for myself just sky rocketed I could start and do more things not just to my hair but make-up to. The only problem was it was harder to style, I think I broke 3 brushes alone as it just got so knotted and was harder to style. I used to have long hair, well not as long as the piece that I was using and it didn't seem to knot as much. Whether that was due to my hair being thin I don't have a clue. When I finally decided to venture outside (I've done this a few times all at night) for the first time no one really said anything to me I just had someone whistle at me as they went past on their bike. Only once has someone really tried to interact with me and it was when I was walking over a field at like 2am in the summer. Me thinking no one will be out will be okay for me, turned out people was camping in the field and someone was on riding round on a bike, which they called me over and calling me using female pronouns but I decided to ignore them and carry one walking. I was crapping my pants as one of them could of ridden over to me and I haven't yet really tried to train my voice to be more feminine but there are issues that I face which I will write in another post. Anyways he didn't ride over thankfully and I just continued with my journey, without any other human encounters. Think the other thing about that night where I walked into a spider web and nearly screamed... Luckily I put my hand over my mouth to stop me. Not the best thing to do at night when you visibility is very hard.

I now have new hair and if you knew me (male side) you would never guess the colour
I have gone for. For many years since leaving school I have only really had dark hair colours, think I've had blonde highlights in and I once had black hair with blonde streaks in when I went to watch Versailles in London, was like the best day ever and managed to share the occasion with two totally awesome people in the world and miss so much. Hope your still loving South Korea miss you both loads. x

My hair now is shorter bit to short for my liking but I'm hoping that I could add some extensions maybe. If I can it will be real human hair and will be from the same place I bought my hair from so I can dye them altogether. Wearing it for the first time I was like wow, not the fact that I think it looks good, but the colour totally changes how I look, well I think so anyway, not meaning that in a vein way but being used to having darker hair whether its my male side or my female side its just different. It's been over ten years since my hair was light. When I was younger my hair was just pretty much white, think I was around 13/14 when my hair changed colour and went darker.

Okies then for my latest hair... Pft okies wig. I bought this from a shop on the web. The website is http://www.wigshow.co.uk. The wig is hand made, and took around 10-12 days to make. It cost me £77 (84 including delivery I think) which I think is good for real human hair.

The size is slightly smaller but it will fit on my head and wouldn't bother me wearing it for long periods of time, plus in the new year I'm going to concentrate more on my weight and try to bring it down. So by this time next year it will be prefect, hopefully I will have some results on my real hair. I think the longest I've worn a wig was around 12/13 hours, and I never got feed up of wearing it during that time. I weird as anything that I would wear to present female I doesn't bother me as you just get on with the day and eventually it feels like part of you, just like the breasts do, they both can be easily forgotten about. The role that I am at the time takes over.

Other Things

I shall be doing an update on another post about my new hair as I have only worn it a couple of times and not for very long either but I plan to do something soon that will be a new to the journey that i'm still on. I just hope what ever happens it will be as awesome as all the rest of the events has been.

The good thing about my journey so far is that so many things has happened in such a short time and all my experiences that I've had have all been positive from coming out to going out. Many people have told me from private messages to comments on my wall or even my Dad telling me how brave I've been, but for me it isn't about how brave you really are. It's not about are you ready, because everything I've ever done has been non of them.

Blackpool being the biggest thing I've ever done and I've had an awesome friend that help me push along the way. If you have the support you need to feed off it. You also need to do it for yourself, I don't want to be stuck inside four walls because I want to present female, I generally want to go out, at the stage i'm at I would want to be with friends as less people will start causing trouble when your in a group, so I know I have the support and it's down to us all getting the time to meet up and for my female side to trigger I will never trigger it on purpose, you need to do it when you feel natural, forcing it for me will only make it worse.

When I went to blackpool I knew one of my friend was coming round and never planned to present female, I just ended up watching family guy before he came round and then just grabbed my make-up and got ready. Think I finished getting ready 15 mins before he came round, he didn't know I would be female, and acted normal greeting me as female when he saw me.

But anyways I'm after attending the Manchester Christmas markets as female this year also hope I might get the chance to go to the Trafford Center as female we will have to see, and which friend will want to go with me. If my mother would have been more comfortable with me being female I have presented female for Black Friday as I have the day off work, and I would get to go shopping!!! Plus its pay day also. So Cyber Monday for me it is then.