Hey all!

Today is my blogs third birthday which means one thing... People are still viewing and reading!
I would like to thank everyone for your support. It's mental where I started and how I looked to now.

2017

2014

I know I still have a long way to go as far as makeup and how I want to go is concerned anyway, I still need to get more toned also. I need to give my head a shake and go to the doctors again and try better and say what I need to as last time it didn't go down to well. I know I will not reach my goal of 1.1.2018 of going full time but I know it will happen and when I'm ready.

2014

2015

2016

2017

I don't generally have many pictures from 2017 where you see my full body but hey I think I'm doing a great job. These two was from January so I can't wait to try new outfits and see and hope I've changed loads.

2017 has all about being as healthy as I can and as fit as I can, so I've spent loads of time at the gym sometimes doing 6 days a week in some cases. When I started I had build my knees up as I couldn't go on a treadmill because my knees would just give up and I would be in loads of pain so I had to do something so I spent about 6 months on the cross trainer which helped but it didn't make me as fit as I thought it would but it helped me and now I'm running a mile comfortably on the treadmill. It has taken a while but my arms and body in general are becoming toned slowly.

All I can say is thank you for reading and I can't wait to see what the next 12 months will be like. I'm praying I will be here typing away happily and proudly living my life as female... Also just over a week till I can make my big announcement.

Thanks

Sarah
xxx

  

Welcome back to this ep of my ‘Evolution’ part. On the last ep I covered Concealer, it was about how I covered my stubble and from showing how I prevented the dreaded 5 O’clock shadow (stubble) from showing. Like the last post foundation will always be ongoing till I hit hormones and have laser hair removal, but until then it’s about how to be comfy with myself.

This ep is all about Foundation so I will go through where I started to where I am now.
I hope you enjoy.

Okay, the foundation was the first thing I started with, and I think it’s where most girls start when it comes to makeup. I know when I was in high school I noticed loads of girls started to wear it. I was like what the hell is that what are they wearing? I noticed because it wasn’t blended at all it would generally go to the side of the head and just under the chin. Then came mascara and eyeliner but that is for another ep. Unfortunately, this happened to me when I started… But I didn’t start with your standard foundation.

The first time I came into contact with the foundation was when I was into my heavy metal, I dressed in baggy jeans, New Rock Boots, band t-shirt (that hasn’t changed for when I present male) and a big chain hanging on my jeans, so I started out wearing porcelain foundation. It wasn’t really branded at all it was just cheap stuff, but it was extremely thick and didn’t cover my face so it was spending time looking for ways to improve which was using Sudocream as what I didn’t know was a primer to help the white foundation to go on and this happens with most white foundations apparently… Never tried any since I came away from it.

I kind of think thank god, my photography skills were crap then as with my makeup skills, I had an extremely hairy chest which you can kind of see. When this pic was taken I already acquired eye shadow, lip gloss, and eyeliner which was from a gift set off eBay for less than a £10. The wig was a really cheap fancy dress one which you could do nothing with, but there you could tell that I had no idea of blending at all haha.

Within a couple of weeks, I had got concealer which I used once as it was really thick and hard to use for such a novice like myself. I got an eyeshadow pallet but I also got lipsticks which were in the bag and behind them was 5 foundation shades. These were a cheap buy and got on eBay which didn’t last long as it was too oily for my skin and to me looked fatty oily if that makes sense. For the first use which I think I’ve said this more than one occasion was I decided to use the darkest shade first, not because I thought I would be right, but because I could and I wanted to see what it would look like… but if people know me well enough is that I don’t take much stuff seriously and decided to have a laugh and take the mick out of someone I knew because she wore her foundation darker than her skin. To this day though I’ve never said who it was and never will unless you’re one of my closest friends that knew me before 2014. 

This was probably the first picture I showed people when I came out, it was probably one of the first pics on my Facebook profile when I created it! Looking back yes it was for a laugh but I think it portrays more people that start off using foundation, that includes not blending and I wonder how many people would admit to looking like this when they started out?

In July was where I started to change. I changed my foundation to another unnamed one and now I’ve started to see being sold at my post office, I got mine from off eBay where I can’t seem to find it now. I started to change in the way I dressed I got jeans in, I got more female clothes in and started really getting into fashion. Probably not the best outfit to wear in the middle of summer but at this point, I never went out.

  

This was September 2014, nothing had really changed but this was a very important night for me. This was the first time I went out as female to Blackpool. Foundation wise nothing changed even makeup. What did change was when I got home and looked at the pictures. I knew things had to change, such as how I looked and fast.

November and December were where everything changed. In November I got better at using the foundation I had, I got new eyeshadow from No.7 (Boots) and Max Factor Liquid Eye Liner. Along with Calvin Klein Blusher. For the first time, I met up with people I used to work with when I was at McDonald's as female. It went down very good and was at my local pub.

During 2015 I spent most time learning techniques and got in brushes, I spent loads of it messing around with makeup and seeing if I could go back to Blackpool looking better. 

Before I went to meet people I used to work with at McDonald's for the first time

I tried Avon but it didn’t work, it seemed greasy for me and never stayed on my face. Fast track to the end of 2015 I knew I had to do something. I was in a new job and was planning something big… Like really big! Where I currently work my colleagues are very supportive and they wanted to see me as female (I got pestered) which I felt very pressured by them but to be honest I pressured myself more as it was an opportunity that I didn’t want to regret and one thing I’m not great at is regretting. So, I went to Boots in the Trafford Centre and spent about £70 on makeup, for this I went to Max Factor. This was where I bought Pan Stick, Primer and it was the 3-in-1 Infinity foundation. At the time it worked great, which I soon used for the best part of 2016.   

Towards the back end of 2016, I started messing around with the higher end makeup brands such as  MAC and Dior which was very pricey only to not get the results I wanted. Unfortunately, I felt that I was still going back to Max Factor. In August I wasn’t getting much practice time as my dad took early retirement with Tescos laying off the night shift at his store, which I’m never comfortable getting ready when he’s around.

Here are some looks from 2016;

For 2017 it’s been a different story this is due to focusing on different things mainly fitness. I
want to go full time when I’m ready and that includes being more toned, being able to go out and not wear waist trainers and be able not to sweat when presenting female which is a massive issue for me. This year I've mainly been wearing Estee Lauder’s Double Wear but in January I came across Kat Von D’s Lock-it. The only issue I have with them both is with me having to wear prosthetics and a wig it gets very hot so even with setting spray I really sweat and I sweat the foundation off and setting spray. So, my question is… What Foundation can I use that won’t be as thick but offer the same coverage?

London 2017

My look for when I went for a tattoo

London 2017

Birmingham August 2017

Fitness has become my number one focus this year and will hopefully continue next year but it is also when I plan to go presenting as female full time at some point. My makeup collection has grown since but that will be for another post where I will talk about everything. However, I have an announcement in the next couple of weeks might be over a couple of posts I don’t know yet, but it is massive and this is a massive positive which possibly will help me with my transition.

That's it for this ep, thank you for reading and I will have more updates and I can’t wait for what my future holds.

See you all soon

Thanks

Sarah

xxx

Hey all

Today is a special post as it marks this blogs second anniversary when I created it. It was an experiment for myself  at that time as well as other things. I was Bi-Gender 6 months into my journey, which by this time I had done loads. I came out to work colleagues at McDonald's which from the start people was very supportive and by May I was out to my Brother and my Dad which again was massive, within two months I presented as female to one of my closes friends and even went for a drive on the same day.  Within less than six months I soon was out and about in Blackpool for the illuminations and spent a few hours in Coral Island and went for a walk, So I also thought I would share my experiences to help other Bi-Gender people and see how I progressed on my journey.

(I've put random pictures not in order of my journey) 

Since then we have laugh, cried and now going through a new journey of me transitioning to female and the best part of this journey is that we have witnessed this not just from start but before the beginning and this new year we will see more and more things that I will be going through as I change hopefully physically.

It doesn’t end there I’m planning on making massive changes on here also, bringing more and better content. This time next year my goal is to have something set in stone to when I will start living my life the way it should as female. It could be sooner but I highly doubt it but one thing I’ve learnt in these two years is never say never.

I think looking back to how I looked I will say how proud I am of my journey but most of all I think what the fuck was I wearing or why did I do my makeup this way, but hey to be old and wise you need to be first young and stupid!

I remember the first picture I did was for a laugh as someone I worked with looked like she was plastered in fake tan but gone wrong, I think if her hair was green she would have almost resembled an Umpa Lumpa, which I suppose was a good thing as I’ve never been a person to take things seriously so it brought me to do my first ever picture as female. I think that must have been a young and dump thing at the time as before then and to now I think she is extremely attractive, just too young for me... Unfortunately, with me age is important so two years younger than me is too young.

I bought some foundation it was in a set from lightest to darkest and I thought for a laugh let’s do the darkest, the funniest thing was it got rid of any signs of stubble, compared to now… but made me look ridiculous, I didn’t blend at all, which was pointed out by a few people but hell it was a laugh but my first step.

The other thing was to run this blog alongside of my gaming blog but within a couple of months I knew I had to sort my image out as I was nowhere near ready really to set foot in the world as female, I suppose when I went Blackpool I wasn’t but it was only for a drive which turned to needing the loo then to spending time out. Anyway, I started to mainly concentrate on clothing as I felt at that time my makeup was okay, as I was getting loads of compliments and no bad criticism, but as I kept looking and looking I started to fall in love with fashion and soon within a year makeup. I wasn’t playing games, as they started to pretty much bore me as I became a social gamer so gaming alone wasn’t for me fun and I didn’t really have people to play with often. I was spending around 10-15 hours looking at makeup and fashion blogs and youtube to name a few. Now I spend a lot less maybe between 4-6 hours… maybe a bit more when the new season stuff come out, looking at fashion and makeup as now I have a much better idea of how I want to look.

When I first started I had no idea and I suppose like most people I was naive to hell, I had not many clothes it was just band shirts etc. Then came the dresses that had no shape to them…At all!

But in two years I’ve come along way and now I have a look... Ish where I’m more comfortable with makeup and have moved on from the cheap stuff that wasn’t working well on me to now trying the more premium brands such as MAC, Dior, Urban Decay etc, they’ve not all worked to be honest but it’s the stage that I’m at where I’m trying to test what will work as we all know with makeup that it doesn’t work for everybody.

My style of the way I present with clothes has change, I still don’t have enough and I mean this literally not just the saying “A girl can never have enough clothes.” I’m still trying to get that perfect dress or that perfect combination of jumpers and pants which I don’t really like wearing as I wear them as male and don’t like them. I need different collaboration of footwear not just over the knee boots and suede.

Anyways that it for this post I would like to thank everyone for reading and your support it seems like only yesterday I started this blog and so much has change and I feel for the better, I can’t wait to post about my new journey that I’ve embarked on and share the outcome and we can share the laughter, bad times and everything else.

Thanks again

Sarah

Xx

Next planned posts;

August 2015-2016 Part Four

Footwear

Makeup: Part 4 (This will happen when August 2015-2016/footwear has finished)

Hi guys 

1st April 2014 was where my life changed forever, it was the day I accepted a new journey and start walking down the gender path. It doesn’t feel like two years but hell I've done so much in this time. 

This is where I'm going to start. It was a few years ago and probably before I knew about my gender issue, but I knew I wasn't happy, I was moody, not a great person to be around I was over weight, even though my tits was so on point they still was showing I had no respect for my own body, the only good thing about the picture was it taken by one of a few people that has stood by me and I still see today. The huge depressing thing about it was as male I had hair then and now it's just... well I don't want to go there. It wasn't the fact that I ate at McDonald most of the time... it really didn't help but I was just not in a great place I ate crap all the time and daily Kcal of 4000-5000 per day and huge portions of food.

When I found out about Bi-Gender it still wasn't clear to me so I spent loads of time searching about what Bi-Gender really was as many sites didn't offer much help where I would understand it. It came down to a website called Deviant Art and I found a girl called Ria all by mistake, then I read her journals and thought yeah this is how I feel and I wanted to know more, so I messaged her which I got a reply about a week later and we started to talk from there.

It was when she pointed me on YouTube to an awesome person called Brin, she had her own YouTube channel and has videos which she has uploaded so you can watch. I learned loads but then learned that she has a website called bigender.net where I soon met loads of people like me and started to learn more about me and well the rest is history but if it wasn't for Ria I would of be still in the same shitty ass dark place in my head and god knows what now.

I would like to post one of Brins videos if you would like to watch. There are also many people in the Trans* community that haven't heard of the term Bi-Gender also. 

2014

My first ever picture it wasn't great but when I started I bought loads of joblots on ebay and I got about 6 different shades and their was a girl I used to work with and she was wayyyy over fake tanned. I was never one for picture of myself, I had no confidence I always thought I was fat... mainly because I was, but anyway I thought if I'm going to take a picture of myself it has to be funny so this is it. The wig was only a fancy dress one and you couldn't do anything with it but I knew it was never going to last.

These two wasn't long after my first but I know I was drunk when I did them... Would anyone believe me then that my boobs was just a padded bra A cup and I didn't even bother stuffing them. 

I soon ditched the corny fancy dress wig and bought a synthetic wig one where you could even use straighteners to around 120oc, and this was my first dress. 

These two was around the similar time but I knew that I need to document my journey to myself which now I'm so glad I did as I can look back and think wow. 

This was the first picture that I ever looked at and thought "is that really me?" This was taken in July 2014.

This is a day will never forget it was the first time ever I went out in public as female for the first time. What was meant to be a drive turned into over an hour in the Blackpool illumination traffic and I soon needed to go to the loo and yeah I used to women's and then spent till 1am in Coral Island on the arcade machines but hey I got a teddy out of it.

November was when everything changed, I looked in the mirror and I saw me diferently and didn't like what I saw so I soon splashed out on an expensive wig and started to buy better quality items from makeup to clothes and started to learn more, So I decided to change and started looking at fashion more and to be the girl I saw myself as in the mirror and I soon started to feel happy and more comforting to who I am.

Christmas Eve where I was invited (as Male) to go have a few drinks with the people I used to work with, but it came with a twist... I went as female, it was the first time I showed myself as female to loads of people I knew all at once and also a pub that was just around the corner from me... I was plastered before I went to the pub and still had a few more whilst I was in there.

2015

Nothing really happened after Christmas eve but I started to exercise more and soon I started to lose weight, but also started to get more confident and soon was wearing dresses, boots which was getting noticed by others.

In May dresses started to become more and more and even now its rare I wear jeans or pants anymore.

12th July 2015 this would be the last time till November where I would present female, I have no idea why? In that 4 months I became very ill lost my job less than 2 hours after I handed a sick note in, Within that time I still wasn't well but got a new job at working with awesome people. 

In November the feelings came back but worse, I was out to colleagues and started to present female again.

A few days later I went back to Blackpool more confident, a better person the difference I can't deny is massive. 

In December it was the works Christmas outing and I ended up going as female it was awesome and my first time I've presented as female to work colleagues.

2016

In January it didn't stop there and I went to work to do an extra shift but out of business hours and I was allowed to come as I felt and that was female it was also the first time that I was out during the day where people could see me. At that time I was struggling with who I was, I was starting to feel depressed all the time, I started to cry a couple of times it really wasn't great and got to a point where I was presenting female all the time outside of work, days off and as soon as I got home.

The first picture on this post where I was fat, a depressive asshole with hair was taken by this awesome lady and defo my bestie. It was also where the first time I showed off my new wig and colour which has taken a while to get used to. Seeing Vicky was a over a year in the making where she was meant to come to the pub on Christmas Eve but unfortunately couldn't make it. This was the first time I was out as female in my own town and ordered my first Starbucks.

February again didn't slow down, from going to the Trafford Center Cinemas as female, I also went for my first make over with Vicky as nervous as I was when I left my house with light foundation and removed it before the make over. I was very tense. Almost forgot to mention that I also have decided to transition to female and that I am now transgender. 

Shopping as female with Vicky, the day was awesome but the shopping was awful I came back with new tights and a couple of other things. On the other hand I finally got my Starbucks name with my name on and Vick's with some name. 

Since then nothing up to now has really happened but there is no point in rushing anything. This is my latest photo.

It's messed up how someone can quickly change in appearance and as a person, I'm more at peace with myself, I've made loads of friends and I'm still close with the friends that has always been there for me. I'm more confident as a person and who knows what the next chapter of my life is.
All I can say is thank you my friends for the support, thank you to my friends that are close to me. My Dad said has said to me  "In life you're lucky to have someone you can call your best friend." I feel I'm extremely lucky to have more... Well I'm lucky to have three people close to me that I can call best friends, the only issue is that the one who has known me longest will get a shock when he sees me as female for the first time.

Thanks for reading.