Two genders Two Tails

In October/November, I said I had a big announcement... which never came, that was because I had another job and I was going to post about but it wasn’t just about the job it was everything that was planned that surrounded the job also as it would play a big impact on my transition. The people were great and to be honest so was the company. They knew I was transgender from the interview and the employed me as a transgender person, they knew about my goal of transitioning. I met some great people and within just over a month I went to the Christmas party as female. (In brief) A month later 10 Jan I left the company as I wasn't well and I didn't want it to affect my probation and wasn't willing to take the risk. Last time I was ill without a job it only took me one and a half months to get a new job while I was still ill, so I thought with me not being in work not being really ill it will be easy... But boy was I wrong.

Below was my outfit and at my works xmas party.

Looking on job sites mainly at the time was indeed.com and was getting nothing and I was getting worried about my money situation. I travelled to Trafford Centre, Wigan and Manchester looking for places taking on. In that time, I also bought a printer and printed loads of CV out also. 

I went to job fairs in Manchester which to be honest if you were looking for a career in the armed forces, security and mainly caring then the careers fair was the place to be. For me, it was a waste of time and effort, they said there would be up to 30 employers there... it was less than 20.

I decided I had to put my pride aside and try to claim for JSA. At that time, I felt so ashamed, alone and a place I didn’t want to be. I was typing this when I was at the jobcentre waiting for my first appointment to see if I can claim to get some income in. I’ve never claimed JSA since I leaving school and I was so nervy even more nervy as I forgot my CV. I waited longer than what my appointment which was set but I had to wait alongside Wigan’s finest chavs... I think I was one of a few people that weren't wearing tracksuits... Yes, I was definitely overdressed in Nike trainers, jeans, a casual top and a parker coat. 

My name was called and I proceeded to see the person that was to conduct my interview and was briefly told me what will be expected of me, but mainly it was to fill in some details. The issue was that technically I voluntary left my job which means I might not be able to claim JSA (Job Seekers Allowance) at this point but it was overlooked from the person due to the circumstances of why I left and this would have to be reviewed for the people above the advisor to decide.

All applications have to be sent off to be reviewed which I was successful. Anyway, the interviewer/assessor said that the expectation is 40 hours per week looking for work so going around town handing CV’s out, applying for jobs and recording everything (preferred on the universal job site as this can track your time etc) which is pretty much what I was doing anyway. Might as well get paid for something I’m doing which is overlooking the shame and how low I felt at the time.

The Careers Coach did mention that the jobcentre does free learning courses. A person sat next to the advisor was doing a self-employment course for setting up your own business, further down the desks was caring courses which didn’t apply to me and there would be more but I will only find out when I have to see my "Job Coach." This would be done the following week, which give me a little hope as I’m praying the courses will have some form of computing on there. 

So, I was given a book to fill in if I didn’t want to do it on the universal job site (when I went home Universal Job Match wouldn’t let me sign in) so was down to fill in the book. 

I was getting out of the house as I was bored, I was getting out of the house to find work but mainly to stop any parts of depression hitting me as that’s the last thing I needed right then. It was a case of getting on with my day. 

That night I didn't sleep and one thing I'm not used to is crying and one thing I did a lot of that night. It took me a few days to adjust as I felt so ashamed of myself. 

I’m going to leave it there for this part, the next part is written and I need to go through it but will talk about the job centre and other stuff I did in greater detail.

Thanks for reading

Sarah

xxx