Hey all

Today is a special post as it marks this blogs second anniversary when I created it. It was an experiment for myself  at that time as well as other things. I was Bi-Gender 6 months into my journey, which by this time I had done loads. I came out to work colleagues at McDonald's which from the start people was very supportive and by May I was out to my Brother and my Dad which again was massive, within two months I presented as female to one of my closes friends and even went for a drive on the same day.  Within less than six months I soon was out and about in Blackpool for the illuminations and spent a few hours in Coral Island and went for a walk, So I also thought I would share my experiences to help other Bi-Gender people and see how I progressed on my journey.

(I've put random pictures not in order of my journey) 

Since then we have laugh, cried and now going through a new journey of me transitioning to female and the best part of this journey is that we have witnessed this not just from start but before the beginning and this new year we will see more and more things that I will be going through as I change hopefully physically.

It doesn’t end there I’m planning on making massive changes on here also, bringing more and better content. This time next year my goal is to have something set in stone to when I will start living my life the way it should as female. It could be sooner but I highly doubt it but one thing I’ve learnt in these two years is never say never.

I think looking back to how I looked I will say how proud I am of my journey but most of all I think what the fuck was I wearing or why did I do my makeup this way, but hey to be old and wise you need to be first young and stupid!

I remember the first picture I did was for a laugh as someone I worked with looked like she was plastered in fake tan but gone wrong, I think if her hair was green she would have almost resembled an Umpa Lumpa, which I suppose was a good thing as I’ve never been a person to take things seriously so it brought me to do my first ever picture as female. I think that must have been a young and dump thing at the time as before then and to now I think she is extremely attractive, just too young for me... Unfortunately, with me age is important so two years younger than me is too young.

I bought some foundation it was in a set from lightest to darkest and I thought for a laugh let’s do the darkest, the funniest thing was it got rid of any signs of stubble, compared to now… but made me look ridiculous, I didn’t blend at all, which was pointed out by a few people but hell it was a laugh but my first step.

The other thing was to run this blog alongside of my gaming blog but within a couple of months I knew I had to sort my image out as I was nowhere near ready really to set foot in the world as female, I suppose when I went Blackpool I wasn’t but it was only for a drive which turned to needing the loo then to spending time out. Anyway, I started to mainly concentrate on clothing as I felt at that time my makeup was okay, as I was getting loads of compliments and no bad criticism, but as I kept looking and looking I started to fall in love with fashion and soon within a year makeup. I wasn’t playing games, as they started to pretty much bore me as I became a social gamer so gaming alone wasn’t for me fun and I didn’t really have people to play with often. I was spending around 10-15 hours looking at makeup and fashion blogs and youtube to name a few. Now I spend a lot less maybe between 4-6 hours… maybe a bit more when the new season stuff come out, looking at fashion and makeup as now I have a much better idea of how I want to look.

When I first started I had no idea and I suppose like most people I was naive to hell, I had not many clothes it was just band shirts etc. Then came the dresses that had no shape to them…At all!

But in two years I’ve come along way and now I have a look... Ish where I’m more comfortable with makeup and have moved on from the cheap stuff that wasn’t working well on me to now trying the more premium brands such as MAC, Dior, Urban Decay etc, they’ve not all worked to be honest but it’s the stage that I’m at where I’m trying to test what will work as we all know with makeup that it doesn’t work for everybody.

My style of the way I present with clothes has change, I still don’t have enough and I mean this literally not just the saying “A girl can never have enough clothes.” I’m still trying to get that perfect dress or that perfect combination of jumpers and pants which I don’t really like wearing as I wear them as male and don’t like them. I need different collaboration of footwear not just over the knee boots and suede.

Anyways that it for this post I would like to thank everyone for reading and your support it seems like only yesterday I started this blog and so much has change and I feel for the better, I can’t wait to post about my new journey that I’ve embarked on and share the outcome and we can share the laughter, bad times and everything else.

Thanks again

Sarah

Xx

Next planned posts;

August 2015-2016 Part Four

Footwear

Makeup: Part 4 (This will happen when August 2015-2016/footwear has finished)

Hey all!

Would like to wish everyone Happy Valentine’s day.

In my last post I blog about that I have decided that I will transition to female but when the time was right and I was ready. This week has not been great for how I felt about my gender all week I was feeling uncomfortable in my body where at one point I just got a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I was getting ready for work and I ended up having a panic attack at how uncomfortable I was in my body and how I was presenting.

At that moment I knew that the time would come sooner than I thought, on Friday I booked an appointment with my GP and have decided to take the steps to transition, I’ve always been one to push the boundaries but also to listen to my body and mind and if it’s saying that I’m female then I guess that is who I am, So as of Friday 12^th February I came to my senses and booked my appointment with my GP for Wednesday 17^th February and hopefully if all goes well I will be referred to a GIC (gender) clinic where I know there will be a waiting list to be seen (not sure how long) but that is even if my GP refers me straight away. I’m not sure what the steps are I just know going to your GP is the first.

As I should be

If all goes well I be blogging and might even vlog about my journey so it will be interesting to see what effects everything will have on me and how I will deal with situations.

Hospital (In brief)

On the same day as I booked my appointment to see my GP about my gender I was tired and not feeling the best but it was at 11:30pm where I became unwell and 15 minutes later where I started to vomit. At first I thought nothing of it and assumed it was my IBS kicking off or something I’d eaten. I had to run to the loo again and was wrenching… Again thinking the same thing, only again to be back to the loo vomiting for a 3^rd time but this time after I finished and looked in the loo all I saw was blood.

The Drip

This concerned me extremely and rang 111 (UK non-emergency number) after giving details to them they were concerned and said for me to get to hospital when I can, unfortunately I can’t drive so it would have meant for me to get there impossible. The pain to come back while on the phone to them and ended up falling to the floor in pain for them to say that they needed to send an ambulance to me. As I waited for the ambulance I continued to vomit and luckily for me it was the last time that night, the paramedic arrived and assessed me accordingly and only moved me when I was slightly more comfortable and within no time I was at A&E in Wigan this was around 3am.

A rare picture of me presenting as my male self on the hospital bed

A&E wasn’t busy so I was quickly assessed and moved into a room where I was hooked up to a machine to checked for my heart rate, a drip (Omeprazole) was then given to me and other things I have no idea about, my bloods was taken which the results was given back all clear a couple of hours later. During my 3 hours stay I managed to get around an hours’ rest. The biggest issue for me was the pain subsided after I was last sick just before the paramedics arrived and I felt like I was wasting their time as for the whole time I just felt uncomfortable in my stomach, but with vomiting blood better to be safe than sorry. It turned out I had torn my oesophagus and something else which I forgot what the doctor said, after that at 6.15am I was allowed to go home and given a 7-day course of Omeprazole but as tablets. Even after the lack of sleep, vomiting blood and the crap time I had I still did a few hours at work… How stupid am I.

All wired up

I would like to thank the paramedics who came they was awesome and all the staff at Wigan A&E. I would like to thank all NHS staff in general as I think they’re underpaid and undervalued and should be treated with more respect that what they get.

Thank you and respect you all  

Hey all!

I Hope everyone had a great Christmas and a fab New Year!

This post is I supposed long overdue but I decided to leave as long as possible. The thing is with me is that I’ve never been out where there are loads of people as female except on the Christmas eve last year and it was magical and I will never forget the awesome people that was there, since then it’s been mainly on my own or with my friends that I’m close to or my dad and that is it, so it never hit me until I went out with my work colleagues from the new job I’ve been in for the last 3 months. As we know in August I wasn’t well, lost my job, lost weight etc and I had to look for a new job even though I was still unfit to work.

After working at my work place for such a short time I felt that I was working with good people and I came out to them, they was supportive understanding also they asked questions and still do sometimes which I love. I love when people question me as I get the chance to tell them how it affects me and how it affects other people. I see it as I’m educating them about the whole gender issue. Most people have heard of Transgender, crossdressers, transvestites and drag queens but with most people never heard of Bi-Gender, so this is a great opportunity for me to tell them about it if they wanted to know. About two weeks before the crew Christmas outing I came out to my boss and asked would she have an issue if I went to the crew do as female which she didn’t have a problem.

The people I work with for me are that awesome when it came to the crew do recently I decided not fight how I felt who I was at the time so I decided to go as female, and it was awesome I was treated as female and it was fun to go out to my first what I think formal event as female. I never told my boss my name as female which was totally my mistake but when she called me by my male name she was corrected not by me but my colleagues and to be honest I don’t really want to call them colleagues I will just awesome people hopefully down the line… friends.

Anyway, I had a great time and I achieved so much such as I ordered my first drink as female, I went to my first meal as female at a restaurant. The first time I’ve presented as female to people that I currently work with, which I think is huge, the last time I went out where there was loads of people where I interacted with was last year on Christmas Eve almost a year In between. I took a few pictures but due to night out being work related I feel it won’t be the best to post pictures of me with other people in case they clash with work but I have got pictures of just me on the night.

I would like to thank the awesome people I work with for your support and understand and making my night out amazing it was great I was allowed to be who I want to be and not out trapped feeling uncomfortable.

At The Fat Olive Restaurant 

Pronouns

Right onto what the post is about which is pronouns. They can be used to talk about someone’s gender (and much more, but talking gender wise)

*Big tip: if you’re not sure what to call someone ASK*

A Trans* person should not get offend if you ask, people that I’ve spoken to would rather you ask if you’re unsure. If you should make a mistake just apologise and move on it happens.

Male	Female
His	Hers
Him	her
he	she
Himself	herself

There are more but as basics these are the ones to uses. You should call the person and treat the person you’re talking to as there presenting. This for me isn’t out of respect as for me it has to be earned and it’s about giving courtesy treating them as human being. I don’t want to be treated special if I’m present as female and I don’t want to be treated differently also, I just want to be treated like a normal girl because that’s what I am.

Pronouns was never important to me as I never went out, it was mainly just me and the cat or me and my Dad or me and one of my friends. So pronouns don’t get used really. When I was out with my awesome people from work they used them correctly, and I think they had fun correcting each other for mistakes that was made from others also. I doesn’t offend me that people call me by my male name or female name or get the pronouns wrong as I don’t present as female to people really that I don’t know very well, but I don’t ask people to respect me either I want people to treat me as they want to be treated regardless of gender, and I don’t expect people to just straight away adapt and start to call me by my female name (Sarah) and use the correct pronouns. I know some people that are Trans* go mental and for me that’s wrong you have to let people adapt to the change before you say anything. For me I like them to be comfortable around me first and getting mad over something small isn’t going to help.

On my Christmas night out being called Sarah and with the right pronouns that was used I felt great because I was being treated as a girl, when I heard people shouting Sarah it was actually weird in a great way because I don’t hear the name coming from other people. The only time I hear it is when people are talking to me as male in 3^rd person, asking me questions like: “does Sarah like this? Does Sarah like that? So hearing that was weird and I loved it. So I’m sure if you treat a Trans* person like that with the right pronouns and names you will make their day and bring a smile on their face as it did with me.

Thanks for reading

Sarah

xx

Hi All!

I would like to wish everyone Happy New Year.

I would like to thank everyone that supported me and coming back to this blog throughout 2015 and also since I started. Last year wasn't the best of years but wasn't the worst. I went through feeling normal for a few of months and also managed to lose weight. For the first time I presented to people I work with on a staff outing and also ordered my first drink as female by myself. When I had a break from my gender switching I felt I came back stronger and better, not to where I feel the best as I'm still recovering from my vertigo and sickness, mainly I need to rest which I've not done and I need to start to eat better.

This year I'm not going to make any resolutions but I'm going to do what makes me happy. I want to expand this blog, meet new people and go out more as female. They're my goals overall not just for the year as I will not force myself to doing something I don't feel up to.

For the First time entering the New Year as female.

I would like to say I will be changing my hair again which will I hopefully post this month.

Be hated for who you are not loved for someone you're not.

Have a great year.

Sarah

xx

This week has not been the best week when it comes to Caitlyn Jenner and my friends has once again asked me on my thoughts.

So here we go.

Last week Caitlyn had an interview with a TIME where she came seventh on the "Time's Person Of The Year" and in an interview she said about image.

"One thing that has always been important for me, and it may seem very self-absorbed or whatever, is first of all your presentation of who you are. I think it's much easier for a trans woman or a trans man who authentically kind of looks and plays the role. So what I call my presentation. I try to take that seriously. I think it puts people at ease. If you're out there and, to be honest with you, if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable. So the first thing I can do is try to present myself well. I want to dress well. I want to look good. When I go out, as Kim says, you've got to rock it because the paparazzi will be there. The second thing I want to do in living my life authentically is be intelligent on the subject. Hopefully as time goes on I'll learn more and more and more and get better at that."

Which is very controversial as many people and bloggers and the press interpreted it to what I think in the wrong way. In basic terms: If your a male transitioning to female and you look masculine it will make people feel uncomfortable of you. In other articles online she said it makes you less of a role model because you don't look female.

In the last couple of days she has made a public apology stating she was talking about herself and that is not what she meant, some people are convinced some people aren't. Again I can see more sides to it all.

My View

Regards to the statement I can see many views, I feel that yeah if you don't look biological it will make some people uncomfortable. It's a known fact that people are uncomfortable around issues they are uneducated about. With some people it scares them and some people discriminate.

I feel that image is important but to ones self, so I always try to look my best when presenting as female. I don't present female loads as I don't feel female all the time but when I do it's for me and no one else. If people think that I pass as female great if not I don't give a rats ass.
Anyway after the apology I saw people saying yeah we jumped the gun but the thing that annoyed me was seeing people say along the lines of "She's learning."

Really?

Learning what? I don't understand how needs to learn what to say and what not to say and claim to be this advocate? I feel if you want to be someone that does loads of talking, an advocate or this person that is going to be the big push etc you need to use common sense. I feel she should of said "I like to look good." Because how many women don't make an effort to look good?  For me I felt she was pretty much being vein and saying "I'm gorgeous." We all can't go and get expensive treatments, plastic surgery and pay for expensive makeup or have makeup artists to do it for us. Whether if people are living as female or in my case Bi-Gender we have to learn the hard way. That is hard work. I took me over a year to feel how I feel about my image and feel confident.

I also think when it comes to Caitlyn, people who are trans are jealous, because she has the money, the name etc to do what she wants in a faster time than what they can. HRT is costly depending where you are, I know gender therapy sessions can cost around £30 per session/per hour if not more. Not everyone can buy these services to help themselves.

Dianne Sawyer Interview

From an outsiders view, from all the articles I've read and I've not watched I am Cait also. I don't feel she can be an advocate for trans people overall yet, but overall not an advocate for me. I still stick to how I feel when I first found out when she was trans. I still think giving exclusives to Dianne Sawyer then the photo shoot to Vanity Fair etc was a load of bull crap and should of just come out all together or just take a stroll out as female when she was ready etc. I can understand she is a role modal to people, a role modal as in how high she is. Before this whole issue of before she became Caitlyn she was this athlete, well known, well respected etc and to change to this role she's in now it takes guts and courage and for that I can respect her. I just can't see how after less than a year you can go round to schools, do talks the trans community and I feel the way she talks it doesn't make sense to me. I don't care what she thinks about gay marriage, I don't care what she thinks about politics, people need to give her courtesy into what she believes in.
If I was a person as big as her and speaking for the LGBT or the trans community I wouldn't say anything about those situations as they will go against you... As it has done with her.

The cover

Everything I've mention toward her is my opinion and nothing more. I wouldn't like to be her. She has the press with her etc it must be hard but I feel she is glamorizing the trans community and it needs to stop. Being transgender isn't about image, it's about how that person feels about there gender and that it's different to the body he/she etc is in and it doesn't match. It comes with gender dysphoria and it isn't pretty to have and it's where people have killed themselves or self harmed or even both over it. There is so much more than image. Caitlyn said "I want to do in living my life authentically is be intelligent on the subject." But just before that she said "When I go out, as Kim says, you've got to rock it because the paparazzi will be there." I can understand where she's coming from but if she's looking nice is she doing it for herself or the Paparazzi? I feel she has contradicted herself there.

I hope this hasn't offended people, it isn't intended it's just my opinion.

Thanks for reading

Naive definition: Having or showing a lack of experience, judgment, or information; credulous.

Hey All!

This week topic is called: Naive with Summer Blues. Let’s start off with the word Naive.

Naive

Would I describe myself as being naive since learning about being Bi-Gender? The answer is yes and still am now. The picture that I took from then to now shows it all. The thing is every person in this world is naive when they start something. It can be for anything, blogging, starting a new business, starting work, getting a new home etc the list goes on and this is all down to having the lack of experience in the direction that you are going. You can look it up and really research into it... It helps a lot but when it comes too actually doing when you haven't it will show and as you progress you will get better at doing it.

So me starting out yes I was Bi-Gender but I was really a guy in a dress and makeup plus wearing a £7 fancy dress wig (Hate using the word) to now a £80 real hair wig. I would say most people when they realise who they are and start to change the gender roles they will be the same, due to the lack of experience and the other things that surrounds the word naive. As I said in other posts I didn't start off spending big on things that would change my body, looks, and my face being with makeup and even thing that would reshape the outline of my body. Which made me naive as I had the lack of information and experience to do and accomplish the things I have done now.

First ever picture

                                                                                16.4.14    

Christmas Eve before going meeting people

 for the first time as female

24.12.14

Most recent 19.5.15

Even now I look back at the old pictures of me and think about how much I've changed to the women I am now, but even though I started to see an increase of likes in my Facebook profile and other websites I've started to get more noticed and even now I'm still naive to many things. I now feel sorry to women now when it comes to the idiotic men that thinking it's okay to sending you a messages on how much they want to have intercourse with you, some know about me being Bi-Gender which turns them on and some don't. It's great that they see beauty and everything but not all females want an easy time with someone that is desperate... Plus for me I only like females regardless of my gender so unlucky there.  I don't want to be there for you but Redtube is. (it was a favourite/bookmark on my Ex-girlfriend’s PC browser)

Naive with summer blues

Back onto subject at the moment I'm extremely naive to clothes. I love shopping online and the Wish App has really been helpful to me, but I'm not a summer girl so I have so much lack of information on what to wear in the summer, but I'm always checking blogs, Primania, twitter and looking around shops online. Not had the chance to go out looking for inspiration to what other people are wearing. The only thing that is good is that no one has put their boots away yet, I know anytime soon my boots will have to go into hibernation till September. I know boots will be big over the summer but they're the gladiator boots which I will not be a part of the trend, and I know I love my boots but not for the gladiator range.

As for my clothes I've just bought my first official summer dress. At the start of the month I spent ages looking on the Wish App as when it comes to doing new things in this case fashion I will always try to find the cheapest item of clothing to start off with then spend bigger if I like where it's going. So I bought a few items. A black floppy (which has been in for over a year and all seasons also this was off eBay) some sunglasses (Black frame and big) which I've never worn in my life even as male.

The Dress is weird as people on my Facebook have messaged me saying they like the skirt... Yeah its part of the dress. I suppose the reason why it looks like a dress is due to it comes with a belt, which matches the lower part giving it the skirt illusion. The top part of the dress is very plain but that does give me the opportunity to add to it. So a jacket maybe ? Other accessories to make it look less boring? I put black tights and knee boots with them. They are the ones which has a bow on the side for detail, probably the hardest boots I have to walking also. I also styled my hair slightly differently with a sweeping fringe, I think it's called. It's a start and apart from shoes and the other items I mentioned I think I'm going in the right direction might just take a month or two... Or when summer is over.

Overall I don't think being Naive is such a negative word, with me documenting every time I've presented female it has shown me how far I've come to where I am now, even though I still feel that I’m still on the learning path I know that my experiences will change and from the pictures I think many of you might agree I’m on the right path.

Hi all. Hope everyone having a great week!

This week’s post is about identity and image.

Identity

Identity can be used for many things from identifying who a person is, yourself and even an object etc. In my case I’m talking about how you identify... well you. Gender is also how you identify yourself.

Gender Identity

This is for me complicated as it brings so many things and many words to describe how people identify themselves.

Transgender – This is the most common and many documentaries have been made about people that are transgender, the basic is someone that is born as male or female and does not identify as that gender role, and will mostly transition to the opposite gender so the body will match the gender they see themselves and feel. Please note: Not every transgender person will have the full SRS (Sexual reassignment surgery) and that is just keeping simple.

Bi-Gender – A person who fluctuates between men and women genders-based behaviours and identities. Which will identify as both genders (sometimes as a third gender Androgynous) Bi-Gender is under the Transgender Umbrella.

Genderfluid - Gender Fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is Gender Fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days. Being Gender Fluid has nothing to do with which set of genitalia one has, nor their sexual orientation.

There are more but again I like to keep things simple because it will make many peoples brain boil and then die… Okay not like that but it keep confusion down.

Bi-Gender

Bi-Gender is hard for me to understand even though I’m Bi-Gender myself. The reason for this is because the people I've spoken to are different. Some have gone on to discover that they are transgender and have gone on to live as the opposite gender. sexuality changes with some people that are Bi-Gender but not all, so for me it won’t change I will always be attracted to women no matter what gender I present. Some people’s personality will change when they’re presenting as the opposite gender again for me it doesn't… I think as I've never been out that many times as female, I tend to drink more alcohol as female though. There are many things with people who are Bi-Gender that can change but for most people that I've spoken to it’s mainly appearance and mannerisms.

Image

When I realised that I was Bi-Gender and decided that I wanted to embrace it rather than fight it and become miserable and crazy as it started to take me… Like really. It started to send me out my mind and I didn't want to go to a place mentally where I was a few years ago. Anyway when you start out you have nothing and it takes ages to get the image you see yourself, from makeup and clothes.

I suppose it’s down to influences also which depends on your appearance. For me it started out as a rocker style girl. I listened to heavier metal, more brutal music. I also had the leather jackets the makeup was quite dark, and clothes was dark and band influenced, plus the people I was speaking to at that at the beginning was gothic so I suppose they had a massive influence on me.

As my journey continued I started to take trips to Manchester and Liverpool for inspiration as the gothic look just wasn't working for me. I started to take mental notes at what other women was wearing and when I got home I would start browsing online stores which I soon started to build a collection of what clothes I wanted… They all sold out by the time I wanted to buy them :’(

I had to then think about alternative styles to the clothes that I wanted in case they would sell out or in my case if they didn't have it in my size. So that is where the Primania (Primark’s website), Twitter came in.

Primania

Primania is a section on Primark’s website where people (around Europe mainly) post pictures of what they were wearing and bought from Primark. Its awesome for finding inspiration for outfits, not only do people post their outfit but sometimes they will post other items that they’re wearing from other stores with prices also. One of the best features of this part is it will ask you “Where did you wear this?” People that have submitted their picture will normally say where they was.  Most are like for dinner with friends or at university etc, but you do get a good few people that are fashion students or love fashion and have blogs just on fashion and will post a link to their blogs, so this is a great way to look into fashion.

With other Items Listed

Twitter

Shops and blogs

Yes twitter is awesome for finding fashion tips, cloth shops, peoples fashion blogs, sales that aren't advertised etc. How did I find this out? By searching by search one single item of clothing. I was looking for styles for boots which I put in the search bar on Twitter, and you get the picture section and you can see people posting picture from a night out etc and you can see what they was wearing with the boots. As long as they mention it (doesn’t have to be a hashtag) you will find them. Also Shops will post picture of that item of clothing also, which is where I found my suede over the knee boots because Pink Boutique posted. You will get Fashion websites also posting “what to wear with…” or “How to wear…” So for me I would see “What to wear with boots” or How to wear boots” etc and the websites will list the dresses, pants and skirts for example.

I will warn you there are pros and cons to it and you will have access to everything doing this method on Twitter, but when I say you have access to everything on Twitter I mean it. Depending on what you put in the search bar will depend on the results and what people you get. Boots which is what I started to put in and research on what to wear with it and what styles there. Unfortunately people see boots as a fetish and you will get women that do sex type web chats for desperate pervy men and will advertise what they’re wearing, some will just post links to the websites, some post pictures… Might work for you if you want to sex it up for your partner I suppose haha, but my point is whatever you search be prepared.

River Island (what I’m Wearing)

River Island have started doing something similar to Primark’s Primania but is more involved on social media using Twitter and Instagram, where you put #WHATIMWEARINGRI

I don’t think it’s as good as Primania but it’s a start. I think River Island’s strong part is when you’re on their site and on an item on the right side it has a section which says “looks good with” and will put other items of clothing that will go with the item you’re looking at.

Apps

Fashionfreax app

If you look hard enough you can find great apps that are out there for fashion. When I’m out and about as I have an IPhone I use an app called “Fashionfreax” It’s like Primania but a social network related to cloths. Add people, comment on people’s outfits, makeup and accessories and you can also post outfits of your own as well.

Fashionfreax app clothes listing

Other places to look (what I’ve not used but know about)

Pinterest – I’ve never really used this but you can post or see what people have pined what styles they like and doesn’t have to do with fashion.

https://uk.pinterest.com/

Bloglovin - Follow your favourite blogs with Bloglovin. Discover what's best in Fashion, Beauty, Lifestyle & more. Sign up or login today & never miss a single post!

https://www.bloglovin.com/

Ebay – If you search for an item of clothing some users put together a portfolio of what they think looks good/or is good. It will have links to the product you want also if you like it or want to more.

http://www.ebay.com

http://www.ebay.co.uk

Physical Image

Image isn't just about clothes, it is also about the shape of your body, and facial features. For me as I’m biologically a male so I don’t have female characteristics such as breasts being the big thing. At first I got a well-padded bra it worked for a short while but it didn't make me feel like the women I saw in my head, so I had to buy breast foams which mine for all my pictures are A cups. At the starting stage I was thinking start small and lay the foundations of how I looked, not going to big on everything, not spending loads of money and thinking why did I buy them. Starting out trying to build your image. I supposes how you look from you body to makeup and clothing its down to trial and error. After taking pictures of how I looked I soon saw that my breast foams wasn't suiting my frame and needed to go bigger, which I have and now have C cups. The journey is never ending and I'm still looking into altering many things and I've noticed it changes with the seasons and will forever be an ongoing process.

First of all I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend.

One Year On 
This Easter not only am I off for the holiday, but I'm off for the entire week (6th-12th April) this is also a massive week for me as it has been a full year since I found out that I was Bi-Gender. 9th April is the date where I also came out to a close work friend when I decide to start my journey of learning about what Bi-Gender really was. I also needed to find out more about me.

(My first ever picture April 2014)

I'm a type of person that likes to discover things and learn quickly. Sitting back in denial is something that brings on negative feelings and then comes depression which is something I don't want to suffer from. I've been in dark places mentally in the past where I wasn't the best person to be around, moody, violent, negative and to come back without the use of professional help and drugs which I refuse to consume, it takes some doing and I wasn't going to go back to that place.

Where everything started to advance in looks and attitude

As soon as I knew I came out to a good work friend and it went well, within hours and days my whole store knew, maybe not the whole truth as Chinese whispers and all but all was soon corrected and the support was just brilliant. Within a month I was out to close friends and also to my brother and father, which surprised me as I thought of them both as assholes which I'm sure they knew at the time which has now changed, and I respect them them loads even though I may not show it to them both. Also within that first month I presented female to one of my closest friends and went out for a drive so stepping out in the big wide world as female within one month.

I'm not the sort of person to like myself but I liked this

A couple of months later I presented female to my Dad for the first time which went awesome, I didn't say much when I presented female or even when I was with my friend. It's all about doing it more and more till you get more comfortable with the person you're with till you begin to be your self. Now I don't hesitate when my Dad's in the house I just do as I feel.

This was just before I presented to my Dad and another picture I liked

In June I decided to take a big step when I was working at McDonald's I decided to speck to Human Resources about being Bi-Gender which they have never heard of and soon was the talk of the department according to the operations consultant, One day I walked into where I worked before my shift he came straight over to me and started to talk to me, which I had to tell him that I was leaving as I've got a new job. Which was sad as it could of been big for McDonald's and could of started a campaign off within the company. Even at my new job now people know and there are so many people that support me.

On my birthday I felt I wanted to try something different.

In September I came out on Facebook on my male profile to get loads of supportive messages, then a couple of days later to go out close in the public in Blackpool with my closest friend, which he was very encouraging telling me to lift my head up as I spent most of it looking at the floor but I generally do that as male. The only reason I was out in Blackpool as I needed to toilet and had to use the females.

Blackpool

I think the biggest achievement happen on Christmas Eve, I got invited for drinks with everyone I used to work with at McDonald's. I decided not to fight my feelings at the time and went as female. This was the first time I've been around so many people that I know and all where supportive which was the reason why I did it as we was in a big group so no one would bother us anyway, plus I was wasted before I got to the pub due to waiting on my friend. The males that was there was awesome I didn't get any handshakes, I got hugs which was awesome, I got treated as female which will be a night I will never forget.

Christmas Eve 2014 I was wasted

With so many things done in one year which has flown by. I said at first when I found out that I was scared what would happen and now I'm petrified after all the stuff I've done, and the transformation along the way, how much in fashion has changed and I think for the better, the improvement of make-up. All this makes me think. What has this next 12 month going to be like? Will I end up staying female? If so will HRT happen? So many questions and it really bothers me as the journey continues. I've still yet to go out in the day as female, I'm still yet to wake up and have a wash to then get ready as female.

How I've changed in 12 months

Am I still scared?

Absolutely, but I would never have got this far if it wasn't for the support that I've received so to everyone that knows me.

Thank You
xx