Welcome back to part 5 of this journey. This post is just before the covid outbreak. I was physically fit, I applied for the British Army Reserves for the Royal Signals. Everything was going so well. Little did I or the whole world would be about to crash. This post starts from around February 2020 and will bring us out to around late February/early February.

1/1/2020

February 2020

Okay, so we start off in February, Hormones have been going great, my boobs have grown considerably well, better than expected and the patches were great. I don’t think anything could go wrong with getting hold of the patches easy… Or so I thought! As always I would get about a month's worth which was two boxes. I would always be 2 weeks in front just in case my chemist couldn’t get hold of them. This was the case in February!

This meant booking an emergency appointment with my doctor as well the past records show my doctor and even clinic isn’t great at agreeing with me until I see them so I thought stuff it. I want a prescription brought up as I was there. When I saw him my doctor was a bit hesitant about prescribing me tablets for my hormones. My case was my liver levels have come down a lot, I was in front of my GP practice when it came to check up on my bloods and my body was the fittest it has ever been so my doctor had no reason not to. Bear in mind that a year before after losing a stone I was on the phone to my endocrinologist asking about tablets and the results was as long as my liver levels were at safe levels nI would be fine to switch. 

21st February 2020 (Day 1)

My advice if your doctor is a pain in the ass is to see them personally when switching rather than writing out a repeat prescription as when you are face to face I find it is rare they will say now. I am aware not all doctors are open-minded and still stuck in the past. Anyway, result I got my prescription and for 3 months I would stay on 1mg of estrogen for 3 months and see how much it would put my oestrogen levels up.

The Army Reserves

At that time I was also currently applying for the army reserves which was a frustrating process right from the very beginning. My advice for the army is to really research the roles you want to go in. I was unsure and the messing around I had to go through before I found the right place for me and the website is extremely confusing and frustrating giving inaccurate information about the roles that they offer. So one role thinks it was Cyber Security actually do not recruit for and you have to go through the government website for. Another role I think was for artillery did say on the website for the Reserves but when you enquired but it then it was on for regular. Eventually, I found a role that I felt suited me and that was for The Signals. I love technology overall so this was down my passon really. I managed to get through the mini-interview and onto a pre-assessment which I did well and managed to get my hands on an AS-80 Rifle. In that, we actually learned to strip down the weapon and put it together… I LOVED IT!!! I have been stripping down electronics and putting them back together since I was 7 years old this turned out to be an easy task for me. 

Anyway, the feedback I got was amazing and I was on top of the world could not be happier. It was a case of getting ready to book my assessment. I knew I would pass the fitness but I would have to adjust my training and run on the streets to hit the one and a quarter-mile in 11:30 Minutes that was set. Easy right? Nope because the next day I got home and I was rejected on medical grounds! So because I am currently transitioning this means I am medically unfit to perform army duties. The reason was that I would have to do regular checkups.

The issue is in the army reserves you are treated like you would be a regular soldier, which is wrong! The reason for this is because in the reserves you do 3 hours a week for me on a Tuesday night. I would have to do two sessions where I would have to spend a week away but in the UK as the role, I was applying for is UK based. So at no time would any of my transition excluding my operation recovery time would it affect the army. My bloods and hormone blocker injections have to be done every 3 months and would be done either on an alternative day or in the morning. At that point, I had been on the waiting list for 2 years and another year to wait! Something good did come of it though which might help you even if you’re not going to the army. So they requested my full medical history and they would be paying for it also. So because of my little understanding of my GP’s practice, they gave me everything from when I was a kid! This meant I had all correspondence from everyone that is involved with my transition, from Harrogate and even Leeds. Which would come in hand a year later. 

A week after I sent this off I got a reply on my army hub and their final decision was for me to be medically unfit they added that transitioning would be stressful generally… Yes, they were just automatically assumed everything. I was incredibly upset because I changed all my fitness around to cater for the army and to be told I would be fine then after going through all of that, to then be told its army policy which at that time did not state anywhere about this. This led to a massive downwards spiral in my mental health. 

This lead us to the start of May 2020 by then we were on a full lockdown which started at the end of March think it was the 23rd. That is where everything went tits up for my hormones!

It’s All Gone Tits up!

The biggest issue wasn’t just the army but it was the start of everything that could go wrong. So Laser Hair Removal stopped because of covid, which caused a massive issue on my journey. As for everyone that has followed my journey the laser was the last major thing on my goal list where I would be able to be myself and covid took it from me. I felt like I had been shot or stabbed. Like most people, I felt it would be over within a few weeks but no it wasn’t to be. I accepted my fate and stopped all hope of getting anywhere with my looks and my mental health just started to go on a spiral to where it would go out of control.

The biggest part was when yet to come, my clinic. Everything was going very well, even with my clinic but when June arrive that was when everything changed. GP/doctors were not seeing anyone and this also meant for who was going to inject my hormone blocker also? My and my dad spent ages. My clinic was well beyond useless and was not telling me who I could see and that my GP had not been turning up for work either, so alarm bells sounded there. 

My Dad’s clinic remains open and my clinic was a group of 3. The other one was based in my Dad’s surgery and they knew who I was and agreed to inject me with my blocker. They said if I need to I could see them again. Okay, cool problem sorted in case of next time… Nope not at all. Over the course of the lockdown, everything got worse. My doctor was still not turning up for work, which I later found out he was transferred to another clinic within that group, and doctors that were seeing to me was not even reading my notes and cancelling my prescription and at one point I went 2 weeks without my hormones. This was around August 2020 time. A month later came my second injection for my blocker… Yeah, that never happened. I rang them and they said they never had a nurse who could see me and was not who could. I rang the clinic that gave me the injection the last time around and they had no record of it and would not see me. After trying to sort something out I had no luck and come halfway through October 2020 I was 1 1/2 months overdue my blocker. By this time I decided to move to my Dad’s clinic. The only thing they were not and are still not doing is face to face appointments with the doctor. It was hard coming over as they lost all my notes and as I changed my name that meant a fresh NHS Number and a fresh NHS record. Yep, no one in the trans Community on Youtube tells you that so be prepared if they do. They said to me changing my name means a new identity. 

The GP I am assigned to had our first chat and honestly, he was the biggest prick ever. Like my Dad stopped me going down there and kicking off and apparently he is like this with everyone. So old decrepit and thinks he knows everything. Because they didn’t have my blood levels noted he would not go off what I was saying and would not reschedule either. He wouldn’t let me take my official documents down to get the admin guys to put it on the systems. However, I did this and asked to be seen by a different GP. That however changed everything. Because I had all my documents he looked at my recent bloods and he let me up to my estrogen. My advice is to take risks. Not all Gp’s know everything and the older generation based on my experience and other trans people I have spoken to are just stubborn and locked in old ways and old ways of thinking. Never budge and always ask for someone else if you’re made to feel comfortable, but also make your voice heard, especially if you have all official documentation. You will get nowhere else otherwise. 

Feb 2020 - April 2021 - Changes

The changes going from patches to pills really is wow! Mainly around the breast area. I measure with a friend and this came to a 40D. I need to get professionally measured. Part of me was overweight at the time… Still am at the time of writing this. My skin is softer, but another huge thing that changed is my hair. 

All changes can vary person to person. For me the pain I got from my Brest growing was very painful, and I have stretch marks also, I was recommended bio oil to help get rid of them and I noticed they also faded over time. I was surprised that the pain woke me up at night and went on for a couple of days. I can say I am happy now where I do not need my Brest foams anymore.

I have been taking biotin tablets from Holland and Barrett which cost me £20 (BUY ONE GET ONE FOR 1p) they was a high dose and wow they have worked. I think it will take another 2 years to get my hair back if it does but we shall see from here. I took a picture and compare from 2018 before I started hormones also. I have had a few people tell me they think my face has changed but I disagree and think it is down to when I have lost weight and put it back on. That is all I can report on. Again I really need to stress that hormones are not an overnight cure and the effects can take 2 years to full take effect. This can be soon and in other blogs I started to notice changes in weeks. I would also like to add for male to female hormones to my knowledge do not alter the pitch of your voice especially after puberty. This has to be trained unfortunately. 

That is it for this part. The next part will explore more on to the clinic side and will start from 1/1/2021. This year (2021) has been something else and a huge change in my transition and I hope to get this up very soon. 

Not the best picture in 2018 but it is to show there is hope,

Thank you for reading and I hope you stay safe.

Sarah

xxx

Click on the parts to take you there 

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Hi everyone it’s been a while!

Since the end of October last year (2017) my life has really been a mixture of good and bad, at the moment I can’t say it’s great but more on that another time. In brief is I’m currently unemployed and claiming JSA and really hate it, to the point where it’s depressing me and giving me headaches almost every day where the pain just goes behind my eyes. Being unemployed is something I’m not used to as I’ve pretty much worked from leaving school and being unemployed is really just exhausting, but again that will be for another post. The name of this post will definitely be an ongoing post as when I get referred I don’t just go to the place a couple of weeks later. We’re talking 12 months plus wait, and during that time I intended to do as much possible to help me achieve what I need to in life and be the best person I can be but also once I’ve sorted other issues out and then will try to see what I can help others.

This post is about a new part of my journey and a fence that has been blocking me for 2 years. This is getting on a waiting list for a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic). This was a goal from last year but unfortunately, things got in the way and delayed it, and I spent most of my free time in the gym, which helped in many ways rather than just getting fit… which really has gone to waste now. Anyway, I thought with the free time I have it’s a chance to change my life around so I sat and thought about how I am going to start my journey through the NHS and for me to get with GIC. First, though I need to be referred by my GP? This was a challenge as last time I went (2016) I wasn’t taken very seriously and I wasn’t well through being rushed into hospital a few days before but anyway I didn’t get the help that I needed, I wasn’t even taken seriously. I left the medical centre I was at humiliated, so the question was; Is it worth making an appointment for maybe the same issue?

Changing GP Practise

NO! I decided to change my GP practice as I was out of range for my last clinic really and I was still registered at my mum’s old address which now we don’t talk and is looking like we never will either and she doesn’t even know that I’m transitioning. So, I thought a new year,a new start, no job to messed around booking appointments and all to go for it and I spent a few days getting pumped up also. Before I joined the GP Clinic I’m at now I spoke to one of my neighbour’s daughter and was recommended this one that I used to walk past every day to work for almost 5/6 years and never knew it was a GP’s Clinic. A couple of days later I signed up and had a medical 2 weeks later.

First appointment

After I pass my medical which was a few questions I soon booked my appointment with the GP which I was nervous about because of the first experience I had. I had just over a week to wait… during the countdown I developed my first virus/Aussie flu (apparently) 4 days before my GP’s appointment and this was also the first time I’ve been ill since when I was rushed into hospital when I went to talk about my gender last time so history was repeating itself which really scared the hell out of me. Over the weekend it was bad and I was bedridden for 3 days but the rest did me good and for the Tuesday appointment day I was just weak but nervous. I walked in and came out with it and told the GP that I was trans and spoke about my history and also about how I was treated in my last GP’s practise which he was shocked. Unfortunately, the GP’s practise is very small and he wasn’t sure what the procedure is, but to be honest I wasn’t 100% either.

I was too weak to challenge the GP I wanted it on record more than anything and return more prepared and not weak. After I spoke to him he was certain that the first step was to see someone from mental health for an assessment before being transferred to a GIC, which I know was the old method and I knew that it was to be changed but didn’t know that it had. So, I thought let them learn he said that he has to do a little bit of research on the matter and then see where to go from there and I would get a letter within 3 weeks… I put a date on my calendar for 4 weeks as the NHS isn’t a quick system. 13^th March was the deadline I gave at this point before I would take action.

Within 4 days I had a letter that I had been referred to a mental health psychiatrist which I thought was still wrong nor was I informed of this move, but I thought to leave it and see where it goes for a few weeks as this gave me a little time to worry about a finding a job and do a little research about the process of the GIC referral, as I wasn’t waiting a year to be mentally assessed if I didn’t need to. Within less than 2 weeks I had a phone call from the psychiatrist and when I spoke to her she really couldn’t give me an answer so I decided not to take it any further as a thought it would be wasting my time, the NHS’s time as well as money and slot for someone that needed it.

Appointment 2

A couple of days after the phone call I soon made another appointment to see where I could take this and see if I could get anywhere. After being there early my appointment was 40 mins late and there was snow on the ground also. The GP was a substitute and I pretty much had to go through the history again. I was armed with the all the papers to say I can be referred directly to the GIC but he wouldn’t at first. He said he didn’t want to override what my doctor did and because the women from the mental health didn’t write any notes to say they couldn’t do anything or me refusing to take it further. That was where I told him that he would be wasting mine and the NHS’s time for the same thing to happen again. I decided to get my phone out and show him pictures of where I was to where I am now which he couldn’t believe… that soon made him change his mind and he decided to write out my referral to a GIC clinic… Win-win or so I thought.

Again, I’ve hit another blockade. GP’s can only get so much training with all the illnesses out there etc it something I understood, with where I live being a small community getting people that is trans is very small so they’re not going to encounter this much if not at all. They have to act on what they know which for me is fine as they can learn from this experience I believe. Anyway, the issue I’m facing is that they are saying they have to refer me to a local clinic and the furthest away would be Manchester… Unfortunately, which I told him that there isn’t one and the closest would be Leeds!

He spoke to the practitioner which also said the same thing and when I passed the information on they said they would get back to me… Which almost a week later I’ve received nothing. So, I’ve given my clinic the benefit of the doubt and a week to find out and ring me. It took me less than 5 mins to find out the information and it is on the NHS website that any GP can refer you to any of the 8 GIC’s clinics in the UK and You do not need a mental health assessment… when I got outside of the clinic all the snow had melted, which was a massive blow as I really like snow.

This is where I am at up to now. People have been having a go on social media at me for not being stern enough with my clinic but I know the clinic does want to help me and have done more for me in just over a month than the last place I was at ever did. I want to help them to help me as if they do get another trans person they will know how to help them. Right now, I have loads going on in my life so with this being split it also means I can concentrate on other issues. The main thing is that I now have a referral I just need it to somewhere. (you can get multiple referrals also which the other I will try for Sheffield)

Following up

I was going to leave it there but due to the not so adverse weather conditions, I’ve not really been out but I did get an update.

Okay, so as I was about to leave it at the “2^nd Appointment” but I didn’t get pictures I needed and time just quickly passed and I didn’t get the opportunity to upload this post, so I thought I would fill you all in. When I left my last appointment on the 27^th Feb I had my referral written and nowhere for it to go. It was a good thing but bad also. I knew I was right but I thought I would let them figure it out, I was told that the practitioner would ring me and get in contact with me to confirm what would be happening. When I announced this on my Facebook, I did get a few messages off a good few people saying I should have stood my ground etc and some were borderline next to abuse towards me.

I did care I had a plan, I’m a person that doesn’t like to go in all guns blazing I’m too mellow for that now, I also want to help them to help me and hopefully from this experience to help others. The plan was for me give the clinic a week (Tuesday 6^th March) to get back to me, if not I would be down there for an update and where I stand… I didn’t receive a phone call. The deadline was set so I went down there, luckily the girl at the reception remembered me and gave me the green light.

This means they have referred me and referred me to Leeds Gender Identity Clinic which is where I wanted to go… Apparently, though she said they couldn’t get me in any other clinics… hmmm, not what it says on the NHS website, but to be honest I don’t care. I’m so happy because it’s now official that the stage has now been set and is now moving forward so I can be the person that I want to be and I will be getting the help I need… But that part will be for another time as it needs to happen. This has taken so much stress off my shoulder right now and it means I can now focus on getting employed and hopefully solve any money issues before they arise. Too many people will be thinking it’s just a referral big whoop. This is more than just a referral, it is standing up and wanting to be human and wanting to live the life I was meant to live. This is me giving the finger to my last health clinic I was at that didn’t help me. Unfortunately, we have to shape our own destiny as you won’t be referred unless you do stand up and be counted. Never let one person stop you it might take some time to get over being humified like I felt but I never gave up and neither should you for anything really. Keep your head held high and push forward. I want to thank everyone that helped me to get where I am now.

Here is a link for you if you want to have a quick read, I printed this off and took it to my GP the second time round and it worked.

https://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Transhealth/Pages/local-gender-identity-clinics.aspx

Thanks for reading and will see you guys soon

Sarah

xxx

Hey everyone.

This is my first year anniversary of realising that I'm Bi-Gender and decided to take the big leap to learn and discover more about myself. Not only that on the 9th April 2014 was not just the day I decided to take the leap I also came out to a very close co-worker. Which not only went positive but within a month all my store knew about it and the results was positive, which only gave me the strength to do more, learn more and able to push myself more than I ever have in my life.

First 12 months in a nutshell;

1. Came out to my first person
2. Came out to brother
3. Came out to father
4. Came out to a close friend
5. Presented female for the first time to that close friend and went out (all the above within my first month)
6. Went out on my own as female (okay it was early hours of the morning)
7. Went out in public for the first time (Blackpool)
8. Came out at my new work place to the Managing Director of my new work place (Complete acceptance)
9. Came out on Facebook
10. Presented as female and meet up with a massive group of friends at the pub round the corner from where I lived.
11. Presented female at my closest friends house
12. Stopped two idiots from discriminating me 
13. Most if not all my work place know and had mainly support.

I admit I do go on about it too many times especially Blackpool, but I have to be honest I'm proud of my achievements and how many I've done in such a short time. It makes me feel so lucky that I have been able to do what I have as I know friends around the world that hasn't been able to, due to where they live. Which has been due to their background, where they live and religious issues etc. It makes me feel so happy that I've had the support and was able to over come two people that bullied to me.

My only big thing to face me is going out during the day as female. I can't just be shying away from buying clothes, make-up and other things online. 

Changes

From my first picture to now loads if not everything has changed, and to be honest I think for the better. 

Changes in my face
(left the oldest to right the latest)

Changes on a whole (Attire);

 One of the first pictures (was my Bushido gear)

 Jeans, hoodie, snood (River Island), boots (New Look)

Blackpool

 Leather jacket, jeans and boots (under the jeans)

 Black skater dress and over the knee boots

 

 Dress Same as above with Knee boots (from JustFab)

 At Christmas before I went to the pub 

I played it safe Long sweater jeans and ankle boots (new look)

My last outing a couple of months ago outing was at night

Long parka coat, jeans and ankle boots

This was taken last week and seemed to be loved by my friends

 black Lace dress, tights and suede over the knee boots

(Boots from Pink boutique, you can find this style everywhere)

Overall I think I've changed for the better, and I'm sure I will achieve more and more. This year has been a dream as I managed to discover more about myself, about other people and how good people have been. From me now respecting my brother more as I'm sure if anyone knew me before this they will say I used to hate him and I think he knew also... yeah really I did. Now I respect him loads for the support hes has given and how he has changed from being a prick to a douche bag.

For all the people that has supported me...

Love you loads
xx

My hair is one of the biggest things away from friends and family etc that I care about. Hair for me defies you as a person, it helps to create that first impression when you meet someone new. Your hair gives you character and shows the world what type of person you can be... or show people that would rather judge you than you talking to you passing in the street. Hair is important.

Unfortunately for me it doesn't matter whether I present as male or female my hair is apart of me that is incapable... Ish of staying on my head. Since leaving McDonald's I feel that my hair has started to get slightly thicker but I'm unsure of how long it will take before the situation gets better or if it ever will.

To present as female I have to wear and I really hate calling it this "wigs." I really feel embarrassed wearing them as I know it isn't mine. I'm restricted to what I can do. Their are probably loads of way and techniques into doing things where you can pardon the cliche but "keep your wig on." I have seen some special glue that you can get that will do just that without hurting you taking it off. I have one issue with the glue, I don't present female long enough. It's very rare that I will present as female for more than 6 hours, it's not that I can't do it or I don't want to do it, but it's mainly down to when triggered. I have never woken up and decided what gender I want to be that day or when I have gotten out of the shower etc, this is mainly to I don't decide on what I want to do it just happens. I don't look in the mirror and think I really need some make-up on or think I hate my hair. I just go into my draw get what I need and then do what I must, I don't question it, or think about it I just do it.

My Hair... Okey Wigs

Since April I've changed my hair and all have been different colors and prices. Like with make-up and clothes etc I start cheap then work my way up as I get more comfortable or where I want to something big and the only way to achieve this is getting better stuff in. My first wig I got would have probably been classed more as fancy dress item more than something a Transgender /cross dresser/ Bi-Gender person etc would wear, but at the time I wanted cheap hair to learn from and had no research under my belt so where was I really suppose to go, it was all about getting that bit of clay and starting to mold it into something I liked or something I know I could move on from. Think it cost around £15 on ebay can't remember the store.

One of my first pictures

The crappy hair was a stepping stone and I soon moved on from it very quickly. You couldn't work with it, you couldn't really comb it, it was already curly and you could even see from a massive distance that it wouldn't fool anyone if I was out side never mind making me feel more feminine more like an idiot so I decide to do research and fast.

After the research which I did very quickly think it was two week later I got hold of better hair that was made out of a Synthetic material and could be brushed, curled and straightened using real hair straighteners and hair curlers but only up to 120 degrees Celsius, which after trying a few times work but not to the extreme and took longer, but like most things it was a start and it looked like hair and not like a joke. It cost me around £27 again on ebay.

It really made a difference in not just the look but how I felt as female, I felt more feminine more the part that I should be. The confidence and positive for myself just sky rocketed I could start and do more things not just to my hair but make-up to. The only problem was it was harder to style, I think I broke 3 brushes alone as it just got so knotted and was harder to style. I used to have long hair, well not as long as the piece that I was using and it didn't seem to knot as much. Whether that was due to my hair being thin I don't have a clue. When I finally decided to venture outside (I've done this a few times all at night) for the first time no one really said anything to me I just had someone whistle at me as they went past on their bike. Only once has someone really tried to interact with me and it was when I was walking over a field at like 2am in the summer. Me thinking no one will be out will be okay for me, turned out people was camping in the field and someone was on riding round on a bike, which they called me over and calling me using female pronouns but I decided to ignore them and carry one walking. I was crapping my pants as one of them could of ridden over to me and I haven't yet really tried to train my voice to be more feminine but there are issues that I face which I will write in another post. Anyways he didn't ride over thankfully and I just continued with my journey, without any other human encounters. Think the other thing about that night where I walked into a spider web and nearly screamed... Luckily I put my hand over my mouth to stop me. Not the best thing to do at night when you visibility is very hard.

I now have new hair and if you knew me (male side) you would never guess the colour
I have gone for. For many years since leaving school I have only really had dark hair colours, think I've had blonde highlights in and I once had black hair with blonde streaks in when I went to watch Versailles in London, was like the best day ever and managed to share the occasion with two totally awesome people in the world and miss so much. Hope your still loving South Korea miss you both loads. x

My hair now is shorter bit to short for my liking but I'm hoping that I could add some extensions maybe. If I can it will be real human hair and will be from the same place I bought my hair from so I can dye them altogether. Wearing it for the first time I was like wow, not the fact that I think it looks good, but the colour totally changes how I look, well I think so anyway, not meaning that in a vein way but being used to having darker hair whether its my male side or my female side its just different. It's been over ten years since my hair was light. When I was younger my hair was just pretty much white, think I was around 13/14 when my hair changed colour and went darker.

Okies then for my latest hair... Pft okies wig. I bought this from a shop on the web. The website is http://www.wigshow.co.uk. The wig is hand made, and took around 10-12 days to make. It cost me £77 (84 including delivery I think) which I think is good for real human hair.

The size is slightly smaller but it will fit on my head and wouldn't bother me wearing it for long periods of time, plus in the new year I'm going to concentrate more on my weight and try to bring it down. So by this time next year it will be prefect, hopefully I will have some results on my real hair. I think the longest I've worn a wig was around 12/13 hours, and I never got feed up of wearing it during that time. I weird as anything that I would wear to present female I doesn't bother me as you just get on with the day and eventually it feels like part of you, just like the breasts do, they both can be easily forgotten about. The role that I am at the time takes over.

Other Things

I shall be doing an update on another post about my new hair as I have only worn it a couple of times and not for very long either but I plan to do something soon that will be a new to the journey that i'm still on. I just hope what ever happens it will be as awesome as all the rest of the events has been.

The good thing about my journey so far is that so many things has happened in such a short time and all my experiences that I've had have all been positive from coming out to going out. Many people have told me from private messages to comments on my wall or even my Dad telling me how brave I've been, but for me it isn't about how brave you really are. It's not about are you ready, because everything I've ever done has been non of them.

Blackpool being the biggest thing I've ever done and I've had an awesome friend that help me push along the way. If you have the support you need to feed off it. You also need to do it for yourself, I don't want to be stuck inside four walls because I want to present female, I generally want to go out, at the stage i'm at I would want to be with friends as less people will start causing trouble when your in a group, so I know I have the support and it's down to us all getting the time to meet up and for my female side to trigger I will never trigger it on purpose, you need to do it when you feel natural, forcing it for me will only make it worse.

When I went to blackpool I knew one of my friend was coming round and never planned to present female, I just ended up watching family guy before he came round and then just grabbed my make-up and got ready. Think I finished getting ready 15 mins before he came round, he didn't know I would be female, and acted normal greeting me as female when he saw me.

But anyways I'm after attending the Manchester Christmas markets as female this year also hope I might get the chance to go to the Trafford Center as female we will have to see, and which friend will want to go with me. If my mother would have been more comfortable with me being female I have presented female for Black Friday as I have the day off work, and I would get to go shopping!!! Plus its pay day also. So Cyber Monday for me it is then.