Two genders Two Tails

Hi all!

It's been a while since I posted anything and its been a rough time that I've been going through, The news on that is that the illness I've had is pretty much gone and I'm turning back to the person I was. The other news is the gender switching is also back... And is back with vengeance.

It was over 3 months where my gender didn't switch it didn't switch where I didn't feel feminine at all, but now my illness has gone my female side wants to play again. It weird as I feel more confident as female more than ever, I've been out twice in a month and another trip to Blackpool with one of my closest friends and for the first time in public wearing a dress and not jeans, which I've only worn twice this year one of them was for a mooch around my estate.

Even though this is sounds positive and all great :) yey go me... It's not.
The uncomfortable feeling of being in the wrong body and not being able to wear my leggings, dresses and boots take it's toll. The worst thing about it all is when it comes to where I need to go back to being male before bed time. I've never really took notice of how I look when I've been taking my make-up off before and on the first night it triggered and I felt feminine for the first time in over 3 months I saw pretty much where I had half of my face with make-up off and make-up on and it was frightening. I saw the two sides of perfection and awful, Truth and lies, real and fake. More importantly beauty and the beast. One side was the make-up I saw beauty not in a vein way as in that side I look stunning but I saw peace and no flaws, no redness in the skin, I saw not spots or anything, it was ivory coloured smooth skin. On the other the beast where redness was where my skin reacted to where long stubble. The redness in general, blackheads and the odd spot. My skin as male doesn't look even as my other side did. I've never really looked at my face before as I was taking make-up off, it was head in a wet wipe and rub it off that way then had a wash using soap to remove the worst of the make-up like the mascara, and eye liner etc but that day it hit me.

Since losing weight and posted my pictures on social sites I'm on the attention I've been getting has been mental. Some has been good some has been the weird pervy people. I can only really take this as a compliment really and not get pissed of with it. I suppose with the attention I've been given I have to think along the lines of "I must be doing something right."

Back To Blackpool

After presenting as female twice I thought I needed to get out and I really wanted to take my River Island boots for a test walk. Luckily my friend was at hand and was willing to drive and wanted to get out all so. He knew that he would be seeing me as female which didn't bother him and he's very supportive of it. We ended up setting off around 9pm only for us to get stuck in a traffic jam due to an accident on the motor way where we was at a standstill for around 45 mins watching youtube videos which made the time past quickly.

We arrived in Blackpool where because of being stuck I needed to go to the loo... A repeat of what happened last year or what?
It was a trip to the ladies room again which unlike last year I wasn't nervous. It was busier and the bathroom had more people in than  last time even little children. Which still didn't bother me It was all about just going to the loo and getting the hell out of there.
Blackpool was pretty cold because of the wind I was wearing my black dress from New Look with a leather fur jacket, black leggings and my River Island Smart OTK boots and they was really comfy and looked great with my outfit and I felt like I got everything right from makeup, to the hat and the clothes, I wasn't really cold when the wind wasn't blowing I was just right.

After out small walk we decided to get in the car and drive further up the promenade and I asked to stop and have a few more pictures which I think went well and the picture worked out better.

20% Off Everything At New Look

I got an e-mail during the week for a flash sale at New Look which was 20% of everything for 3 hours, Took to it straight away spending over £50 and could of spent so much more, think when I added everything together it came up to over £100 even with the discount. But I saved less that £20 which I think is a good saving.
With the apricot dress and red OTK boots the total savings came to £18.99.

This was my first time was wear a red type dress as there are what some bloggers and makeup artist class as rules to wearing makeup with red dresses. So we're talking about no bright colours for eye shadow, some bloggers have said don't use any for me that that is a no no. The colour recommended are neutral colours, so like blacks, browns, whites, silvers, gold and a pale peach I've seen a few mention. I have all these colours in a pallet but they're away still in my loft, luckily I have a few brown colours when I brought my No.7 makeup bag last year which came in handy as the main colours I have is purple and blacks, which I could of used if I would of spent time with which I couldn't be bothered and wanted to stick with the browns as I haven't used them in a while.

Lipstick, yes I researched what lipstick to use also as I knew it would come in to play, when it comes to red dresses they are a statement and if you apply bright colours you taking the attention away from the dress. Anyway I knew people have worn red lipstick with the red dresses but I thought that look wouldn't be right for me and for my main look with the footwear I wanted my main outfit to feature the red OTK boots which with red lipstick for me is a no no and I'm not wearing a fancy cocktail dress.
Dysphoria 

After looking on blog sites it was recommended that pinks, nudes are the best. Red lipstick is for those who can pull it off or who are confident, for me I don't think red lippy works for me so pink was the only colour I wanted plus it dresses the whole outfit down, I wanted a causal look and an outfit that would keep me warm, which this dress does, and with long sleeves it covers up my masculine tattoos and my hairs on my arm because I've not shaven in a couple of weeks as I got a couple of nasty lacerations due to shaving... mainly using the wrong shavers ha ha.

These new looks after a break away where my gender did switch I think has been great, I gave me more time to myself as male but it's let me come back with newer ideas, newer techniques, new ways of being creative with makeup. I've also tried dying my hair which kind of worked twice...Ish.

But the thing with being Bi-Gender is there are bad that outweigh the good, that is the dysphoria that comes with it. The first time I presented female and it came to where I had to go to bed and taking the makeup off started my dysphoria off so bad I broke down into tears. Normally I don't pay attention to my face in the mirror and just pretty much do two step ways of taking of my makeup. They are using baby wipes to wipe off the worst of the makeup and getting the mascara off and eyeliner and then washing my face with warm water and soap. It was when I was using the wet wipes I wiped half of my face and saw a massive difference. I saw my female side and my male side and I saw how difference we was in looks, but then I found perfection come paired to my male side of the skin. Because of the foundation, the creamy contour kit I have, the foundation powder, blusher and bronzer I use I saw not an issue with my skin it look great and the other half was red blotches as in with the dry skin as it normally is and was an uneven colour. it looks a mess and the female side was all beauty and calm, it really got to me how I felt about myself as male and how many flaws that I saw.

Since then I try my best not to look into the mirror as male as I don't want to see this skin and remember how different I looked to when I had makeup. Men are now wearing makeup and I think MAC has launched its makeup for men (not totally sure on that) which I will never do, but I know men do wear foundation and makeup in general now, so I could probs get away with it but I don't want to fall into that as I spend to much on my self as female and just spent £50 on two items of makeup which I will reveal soon.