Hey all!

Today is my blogs third birthday which means one thing... People are still viewing and reading!
I would like to thank everyone for your support. It's mental where I started and how I looked to now.

2017

2014

I know I still have a long way to go as far as makeup and how I want to go is concerned anyway, I still need to get more toned also. I need to give my head a shake and go to the doctors again and try better and say what I need to as last time it didn't go down to well. I know I will not reach my goal of 1.1.2018 of going full time but I know it will happen and when I'm ready.

2014

2015

2016

2017

I don't generally have many pictures from 2017 where you see my full body but hey I think I'm doing a great job. These two was from January so I can't wait to try new outfits and see and hope I've changed loads.

2017 has all about being as healthy as I can and as fit as I can, so I've spent loads of time at the gym sometimes doing 6 days a week in some cases. When I started I had build my knees up as I couldn't go on a treadmill because my knees would just give up and I would be in loads of pain so I had to do something so I spent about 6 months on the cross trainer which helped but it didn't make me as fit as I thought it would but it helped me and now I'm running a mile comfortably on the treadmill. It has taken a while but my arms and body in general are becoming toned slowly.

All I can say is thank you for reading and I can't wait to see what the next 12 months will be like. I'm praying I will be here typing away happily and proudly living my life as female... Also just over a week till I can make my big announcement.

Thanks

Sarah
xxx

What was supposed to be a nice relaxing bloggerthon turned on it's head with the attacks two weeks ago in London and is where I felt in mark of respect was to delay these posts as I didn't feel I could celebrate why there was a tragedy that happened. I felt only like yesterday that I was on that same bridge, and the same side walking across. 

Anyway all I can say is welcome to part 4 of the London and Scotland Tour. 

Last time I spoke about my first day where I met a person called Victoria who I’ve been wanting to meet for some time, but this part is about the reason for my trip. Because this day is Sunday 29^th January as I came to called it “V-Day.” So this day is about watching my favourite band called Versailles, Finally the day has come. A day me and many others have been waiting for. 2^nd October 2011 was the last time Versailles came to the UK. where I and a couple of friends also got to meet them! they saw my tattoo! It was the best day of my life and a day I will never forget.

Before all that thought I had to make it through the day. I woke up early that morning as I wanted to nip into Camden to that meant catching the tube and with it being a Sunday shops in London are weird as they all don’t open at 10:30am like where I live in the North West of England. Some was open before, others between 11am – 12am. The reason I went was to visit the MAC shop which I struggled to find and I think I even walked past it. I thought Camden was weird at night, it seemed worse during the day I mean it in a good weird way.

I took more notice of the shops as they were decorated and had larger models of the items that they were selling, so I saw large models above the shop of Converse shoes, New Rock Boots to name a few. Yes, Camden was very interesting but I think the next time I’m in London I will take my time more.

I went into this little indoor market where they had life size models of horses and people, the floor looked and felt old where I was going to fall through them. The best shop for me was the rave shop called Cyber Dog. I’ve only been in a small rave shop in Manchester which is like a market stall compared to this one. It had loads of fluorescent clothing and décor. It really was a wacky and fun place to be.

Anyway I managed to come across the MAC Shop only for it to open at midday so with over one hour to kill I set off for another MAC shop which I found at St Pancras railway station and bought a concealer and the Diva lipstick which I wore specially for the Versailles gig. I’m not into red lipstick much as I feel it makes you teeth orange or the white. Luckily for me it was white. I also realised that I forgot my set spray so I knew straight away that I needed a new one but I didn’t want another high end one as I still have a full Bottle of Estée Lauder to use… which I forgot.

So I decided to walk another 1.6 miles to a super drug to get the Makeup Revolution set spray, which after I bought that to walk another 1.3 miles to my hotel. It was pretty much nonstop as I decided to walk 1.2 miles to where the venue would be later on. The venue is on a small shopping complex which when I got there something mentally hit me and I mean hard, worse than when I got assaulted in 2009. I had forgot my Versailles tickets. As I was getting ready the day before I remember my dad rushed me and I didn’t do my mental check of what I had and it slipped my mind.

Islington Shopping Centre

Within that moment I felt like my heart stopped I didn’t panic as I thought the box office would have been open, so I went upstairs and to find it wasn’t open. My felt like my heart stopped for a split second I didn’t panic as I thought of one last thing and that was to check online where I bought the tickets to see if they had another option as I would have to spend another £40, but the issue was how would I get the tickets?

Luckily they had an “eticket” option where you would download the app and the barcode would be sent the phone so all wasn’t too bad… Apart from spending another £40 on tickets. Then again people will spend that to see Gaga/Rihanna etc. The Price of the tickets have always bothered me this time around as they were almost if not double what they were last time, and they don’t bring support with them either, but hey I suppose if you love a band or person with music you will go and watch them.

I got there to find a nice little que and decided to talk to people that was there to find out the people at the front was there from 6:30am. That is crazy for a gig that wouldn’t be sold out. After a little something to eat at my local McDonald’s Restaurant it was time to go home have a little nap and get ready for the show.

Even though I bought makeup for the gig I was still unsure about going as female as I was nervous really as I would be doing this completely alone, with no one at my side at all which was alarming to me, but I knew it was something I had to do. When I went to watch Bullet For My Valentine I was filled with regret that I didn’t go as female even though I didn’t plan to and it hurt me so much and I felt like I betray myself and also others, which this time I didn’t want to happen, so I decided stuff how I felt and go as female.

The only thing one was football which was the FA Cup between Manchester United Vs Wigan Athletic so it was some background noise to listen to. The makeup I wore for this was;

Eyeshadow:  Urban Decay Naked 2 Pallet (which I have now got rid of)

Foundation: Estee Lauder Double Wear

Hiding stubble Concealer 1: MAC Studio Finish NW30

Hiding stubble Concealer 2: MAC Pro Longwear NC15

Contouring Pallet: Sculpting & Highlighting Kit

Highlighting: MUA Iridescent Gold

Brow kit: Sleek Brow kit

Lipstick: MAC Rebel

Set Spray: Makeup Revolution

Apart from the Naked pallet I decided to play it safe as I was out on my own I didn’t see the point in going over the top for my first gig as female and wanted to play it as casual as possible. It took me about an hour to get ready, as I didn’t rush as it was raining but I didn’t think it was as bad as it was till I got out. On the Saturday night the boots I wore really did hurt my feet again they’re a size smaller and not fully broken into, which I thought being on my feet for around 4-5 hours with potential walking of 2.2 miles didn’t fill me with confidence. So I decided to go with my Timberland ankle boots with thick tights. As we know I’ve always been one for boots and go pretty much everywhere in them as female but I know that I need to start wearing different types of footwear… Plus these where the only other type of footwear I had that was suitable to wear as my others was suede.

Doing my last check, I left the hotel room to walk outside and the rain was bad. Across from my hotel there was a cash machine and I went to get some cash out and walked back and I was pretty wet. I had no choice but download the Uber app for a cab, I didn’t want to do it but I know it would do me good to do more things as female independently and being in a place way further out than where I live is a great way to start and build more confidently as it will be next to impossible that I will see them again, plus it was only for a short ride. Which I spent pretty much in silence.

After waiting and with a little confusion with the V.I.P que and waiting just over an hour, we were going in and I was searched, I was treated the same as everyone else and when I bought merchandise I was referred to as female I don’t think it could have gone any smoother… apart from forgetting my tickets. We were unable to take pictures during the event which was set by the tour promoters and this was the same as in 2011 when I last went, I can’t really talk about the gig much as I was in a trance, I was going crazy and was swaying and had my arms in the air, people noticed my Versailles Tattoo which I was being asked about by a few people.

At the end of the night I decided to walk home, my feet by this point wasn’t bad but I would say slightly uncomfortable, but on the plus side it was downhill. The weather was raining but not as bad as before… When I say downhill it was moderate till I got to the last part where my hotel was, it was pretty steep and my calf wasn’t half put to the test going down but I made it.

I finally went out on my own as female did more than I set myself to do and I have never been prouder of myself in less than 48 hours but most of all I kept my promise to myself and that was to go as myself to a gig and what made it even more special was that it was my favourite band.

This wasn’t the end of the night and I will cover that on the next part.

Thanks for reading.

Sarah

xxx

August 2015-2016 Journey

Hi All!

We are back for Part two which goes from August 2015… well to August. On the last post I left it at my works outing where it was the first time I presented as female in front of work colleagues that I currently work with and that it went so well.

Now is a great chance to go grab a coffee or preferable an alcoholic beverage, a bag of Maltesers and sit back and I hope you enjoy as we continue from my works outing.

  

I’m not a person to look in the mirror and think that I look stunning but these pictures I look at and I think “Wow.” These pictures made me start to question myself, throughout my time with my colleagues at the staff night out I was like “This is so me.” I’ve never felt so in tune with my body and so relaxed which I didn’t want it to end.  

It was the next day where I was presenting as male the dysphoria of how I was presenting hit me. I hated every minute of being who I was brought in the world as, I hated wearing male clothes. I hated everything about myself that I wasn’t female, and it hurt so much I had to run to the toilet and I cried. Crying is something I’m not used to doing or feeling and I haven’t cried in many years.

It was then on the 31^st of December when I next presented as female that was to bring the new year in but this time as female. As per usual I was alone for this new year, it did suck many people was with friends and family, where I thought fuck it and did some pictures in my flat.

After a boring time entering the new year it was on the 3^rd January where I’ve had my first scare going out as female. During the day I went shopping and bought loads of clothes and when I got back I couldn’t get hold of anyone as I wanted to go out, unfortunately it set my dysphoria off in a very bad way and aggressive way. I needed to get out so I decided to go for a walk and that was down a pitch black canal. After walking about a mile I had no issue apart from when I came off the cannel and in a dark street. Where about twenty maybe thirty yards away a guy was running full pelt past me not sure how he spotted me, but he slowed down and crossed the street and was walking towards me. That was all I needed as I thought I would have to talk and at this stage which I’ve not practised any voice training at all. Turned out he was a weirdo that was just looking at me as I walked past him as if he wasn’t there, I proceeded onto the main road probably about 10 yards when I looked back and he hadn’t moved and still looking at me. I picked up the pace and looked back a few mins later when he was following me, he saw me look and put his hand up to wave which I ignored him and carried on. The road got busy and I didn’t see him after that. What a close call.

It was here where I started to talk to Alison as she was also in this situation and we’ve spoken ever since. She is also a trans person that is going through her transition also. Alison is defiantly on my respect list. She has helped me through chatting on Facebook and answered so many questions so a thank you to you hun.

These pictures are import mainly for blogging as it was when I first got my DSLR Camera which is a Nikon D3300. I love this camera and it has made the quality better… Can’t say for the pose here though. I do feel at this time I was tired mentally and physically as I would have been at my job for 4 months and working through Christmas and being ill, unfortunately it’s hard to keep how you feel about yourself at bay.

                   Left: On my way to work.   Right: Just as I was about to clock in.

10^th January this has to be a massive step for me as I went into work as female for the first, it was an extra shift and out of hours so we weren’t open to customers so they wouldn’t see me. The shift went extremely well and I enjoyed it, unfortunately it was hard as I had to lift heavy objects I had help but still heavy work and with the wig being thick I was soon burning up and sweating so I had to remove beanie so I could cool down. The night didn’t end there after finishing the shift I went home got changed retouched my makeup and went out for a random drive with one of my friends. During the journey I needed to stop off at a motorway service at Sandbach in Cheshire for the loo, where I went into the female toilet did my business and fixed my makeup. A women looked at me funny where I didn’t care and did my makeup anyway. I think it was down to me having a full bag of makeup on the side that got her, I don’t think she clocked me as being male though.

 Left: Services

 Right: when I got home from work 

             

It wasn’t long after this on 25^th I decided to meet one of my best friends Vicky. It was something that should have happened over a year before when I went out to a pub around the corner from. Vicky has always been supportive of me from the very start and even gave me loads of makeup to get started which I still used some for almost a year after. That day was the first time I caught the bus by myself on the way home but also was out by myself which I didn’t feel brilliant at the time.

Left: In the town centre alone and scared…ish

Middle: On the bus home

Right: with my bestie while she’s trying to cover a spot… Sorry Vicky

I decided to wear light makeup which for me was;

… Foundation

…Blusher

…Eyeliner

…eye shadow

…mascara (because no women should be without)

…touched up my browns (just not very good)

I wore my long leather jacket from New Look, over the knee boots from River Island, tights to dress down the boots and I think it was a black dress or a red dress from New Look. Even then I still felt over dressed and uncomfortable. This was also the first time I wore my new wig.

January was a busy month so I’ve decided to leave it there as right now if you have come this far you have read over 1000 words which include numbers. January was not just about what I did, but also social networking. Just after I went out for the works night out I started talking to plus a few others. My popularity in group soon started to rise and I was chatting to more and more people, mainly in January, I was being invited to more Trans* groups but I quickly learned that the Trans* community wasn’t all that friendly and in stayed in clicks. It opened my eyes and soon learned the type of people I didn’t want to associate with.

I really didn’t think that one month would take up a whole post but this is something I can’t plan and will back track on the next one about the people that I spoke with, my decision to transition and joining the Trans* Community plus much more to come. 

Thanks for reading

Sarah

xx

Hey guys sorry about the lack of posts that has been happening lately, this is due to updating this blog hope you like it, there is so much to change even now as I look for a way to add new things and add new features.

As many are aware, I’m starting a new thing on my blog called ‘Sarah Meets’ which I cannot wait to start. I’ve spoken to loads of people that are willing to share their stories with me and on here also. I hope it will educate other Trans* people out there and others that are unsure about people that know about term transgender. I hope that it will help those that are in the early stages of transitioning such as myself and also that are still transitioning.

I’m happy to say that I will be announcing my first guest that will be on ‘Sarah Meets’ Shortly.

Makeup Part 3

Okay so we arrive at this posts topic of makeup Part 3. The last two makeup posts I’ve done they’ve been mainly about what I have, which I suppose this isn’t much different, but because my collection has grown so much I can now compare brands on what I have and how do they work with me. The reason why I say ‘with me’ is because it might not work with you guys or it might not work on me, but could work on you etc

At the moment my favourite brand of makeup for foundation is Max Factor, I feel I get Max coverage (Hope you guys saw what I did there) and when it comes to getting rid of my crappy facial hair shadow it seems to be the best job, out of Avon’s and some unbranded makeup I wore previously. When I comes to makeup I’m new and only been messing around with makeup for around 2 years but looking back at the pictures I’ve taken whenever I present as female I’ve not reached my hundredth time as presenting as female. I’ve only presented as female 70 times, every year I’ve presented more and more which is down to confidence and support but yeah only 70 times in 2 years.  Another fact with me is I’ve only started to hit main stream brands for around a year also which for me when using non branded makeup is extremely different in my case it was anyway.

At the start of May I went to Manchester to get some new inspirations as I had my works staff outing which I need a jacket for, but I decided to pay a visit to the MAC Cosmetics counter and after speaking to one of the makeup artists I had my skin match and went for Studio Fix fluid SPF 15 (£22 UK) It’s the cheapest of the MAC foundation and gets a 4.5 out of 5 on most sites.

28.5.16 With MAC Foundation. Not the best look I was happy with but meh, wore a cold shoulder top (apparently that's what it's called)

Plungers I know can clog but it works so well for me and I'm yet to have this issue.

I do like the foundation, I didn’t need much to get the coverage on my face, it did feel rewarding that I’m putting a big brand on my face but I’ve found some issues. For me it’s the bottle when it comes to getting the foundation from bottle to brush, there’s nothing other than a shake and using gravity to get the foundation from bottle to brush, and because the foundation is pretty thick it is time consuming. Whereas with my Max Factor it has its plunger and I get more on quicker.

The other issue was with my neck, with having facial hair it also means I have hairs on my neck which again it still shows and after using the foundation from MAC it doesn’t cover the hairs up (and yes I’m talking about after shaving) With taking pictures I feel my face is much pale than I feel I should be. Overall I feel the foundation is good but the colour after the match doesn’t go with my complexion and this might be the reason why it doesn’t cover up my shadow on my face that well, and I will stick with my MAX Factor Face Finity foundation which I forgot to mention is a 3 in one. Foundation, concealer and primer. (Primer only link on Boots website)

For eye shadow I have two pallets main pallets and a few with just 4 colours in from Dorothy Perkins, No.7 (Boots) a non-branded and younique (which I use all the time)

I use this palette every time, every time from Younique which is called Addiction and I think is palette two of the three they did at the time I purchased this, I loved the look when I got it and still love it now.  I didn't get chance to take a picture of my palette but it's the same one I have so here the link to a page that reviewed it called modernlymorgan  

This I've stopped using at the moment, I used to mainly use the brown for doing my brows but for me this palette is for mainly about trying new ideas out. 

For eye shadow I have two pallets main pallets and a few with just 4 colours in from Dorothy Perkins, No.7 (Boots) a non-branded and younique (which I use all the time)

My challenge while summer is almost upon us is too find a new pallet from a different brand to create a good look.

Lipstick has also been a challenge for me, I used to use, and still do rarely which was like a nude pink which goes great for all seasons but it has become one I use less as I’ve found better brands with Avon’s plum colour which is a fantastic and last ages where I don’t need to reapply every hour and only cost me around £6. I got a great freebie from Max Factor last year which was red and I also love and it lasts. I’ve also found another gem which I got from the Wish App, which is like a red/purple colour not sure of a name but it wasn’t a brand and is one I love. It stayed on my lip throughout a day when I wore it without having to reapply once and that cost me £1 + £1 p&p.

MAC: Satin Lipstick

Now I decided to give MAC a try and bought their Pro Longwear Lip Pencil and Satin Lipstick both again like a dark plum colour, which I haven’t tried yet but will post pictures and results when I have.

Next addition to makeup collection is back to Max Factor with their smoke eye kit called ‘A Touch Of Drama’ which I got a free gift with called ‘Bright Eyed Glamour’ (you can only get the set on eBay by as unwanted) I was also given another Mascara called ‘Fake Eyelash’ Worth £10.99. I’m yet to use the Fake Eyelash one and the other I’ve given away. I think I will use mascara that in the ‘Bright Eyed Glamour’ set because the wand is different and I think will give my lashes the better effect and what I want to achieve.

The best mascara I’ve ever had was Avon’s ‘superextend winged out mascara’ it gave my lashes great length and I never needed felt like I have to use fake lashes, which yet I’ve never worn when I’ve gone outside of my house, I’ve only worn them to experiment which I feel has been a success.

Left: Max Factor Vs Right: Maybelline

At the moment I'm using bottom Max Factor one, the Maybelline mascara's clump up for me and I doesn't work for me. Overall I think the Max Factor has the edge, I've excluded my two new ones from this from Mac Factor. Up to now no Mascara has bettered the Avon winged which I had. 

Old collection

My collection as of now (10.6.16)

The Summer Challenges

One of the rare occasions you will see me showing leg haha

This year I’ve challenged myself to create a summer look. As for people that have been keeping up with me on Facebook, Instagram or on here you pretty much will have realised most of my colours are really dark or black. Well I will admit I’m a winter person. I love my boots, I love my layers and I feel you can be so creative whereas summer I feel its little as possible such as thin clothing, less layers and for me… SHOES! Yes, I’m not a fan of heeled shoes as I feel not very secure in them. I also don’t like toes so open toes are a no no from me.

I have done one look pretty much minus jewellery but I don’t feel it’s a look I wouldn’t go shopping in, so it doesn’t count for my challenge. I have acquired a dress from new look which for me is a start it’s a cream dress, which after speaking to others it’s down to nude coloured shoes, or some form of wedge.

It does sound simple but let me say why this is a challenge. I’m a size 9 UK in shoes so trying to find good quality shoes for a size 9 UK, nude, no open toe etc. So that really makes it hard for me, so we shall see what I come up with hopefully sooner rather than later.

I've tried to link as many products as I could

Thanks for reading