The Road to the GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) Part 4: Troublesome Hormones
It has been a while
since I did a Road to the GIC post. Now we are back with part 4, which is about
closing out 2018. It was an important year for me but overall it was pretty amazing!
I actually started my transition journey, got on the GIC waiting list, and
managed to be accepted to start Hormones Replacement Therapy (HRT). This post
talks not just about bumping into issues with my GP surgery which delayed me
receiving my hormones a little but also about how I tackled online negativity
and of how my path has been different because I managed to start HRT
through the NHS early.
Recap
I left the last part
off where I traveled to Harrogate to see my endocrinologist and I was told that
I would start full courses of HRT which would be the injection for the
testosterone blocker and the patches for estrogen pills. It was all looking up
and going well transition wise anyway.
However! It was one
hell of battle afterward.
Troublesome Hormones
I decided to give my
GP practice 3 weeks to get the information from Harrogate about my blood
results thinking it would take a week, Specially as I didn’t need to have a
blood appointment, After 3 weeks I heard nothing an made an inquiry about my
bloods to which my clinic didn’t receive them. The 3 weeks was extremely hard
as during that time I traveled loads to and from Harrogate, The next day to
London (and around London for a gig and sorting a few things out), the next day
to Essex, Then London, then home… The for the next day (13th November) at 9am
to be reunited with old colleagues (back to my old job) so 4 days of traveling
and carrying heavy luggage to starting work less than 12 hrs after I got
home... I was exhausted!
After ringing Harrogate
they said that they received the blood tests on the 12th of
November and a note were written and sent out the same day. Which was impressive
saying the bloods were done on Friday! On the phone, I was delivered a
little bit of a blow and wasn’t easy to take at the time which was that I was
to be put on patches for the estrogen and not pills because my liver levels
were elevated.
So I had to look into
why they were elevated. After speaking to other people through Facebook and
checking online. I rang Harrogate to double-check but I had to wait for a callback. This turned out to be an event itself as the day they called me back to
confirm changing my diet and doing exercise would help, I was out in
Manchester, all dressed as female for the first time on my own but also as
I have not trained my voice yet it meant answering the phone dressed as female
but talking as male in a packed-out city centre! I did it and at that moment I
really knew I generally didn't care what people thought. Everything came back
and was confirmed that was the path to take to reduce my liver levels.
I was meant to start
HRT on 14th December 2018 but due to a misunderstanding with my GP practice, it
meant starting HRT was to be delayed. They said they needed a shared care
agreement and this had to come from Harrogate. A Shared-Care Agreement is for
two different parties. So a specialist and your GP for prescribing and managing
drugs as well as responsibilities. Harrogate disputed this and never heard of
one. All they did was just advise my GP what to do and send the guidelines over
that was that! So after 3 days of thrashing it out again with my GP surgery and
their manager of the place I won yet another battle. You would think they would
have learned after the previous times I’ve had to challenge them. Even now over
12 months on I’ve had to battle on something which will be spoken about on
another post but I still retain a 100% record against them and because
everything I’ve done is documented and all the research I have done it is
pretty hard to lose. I know they don’t want to get it wrong which is
understandable but for the patient, this is highly frustrating when you’re
giving them the correct information, within one day you would have expected the
clinic to have rung Harrogate to confirm this.
Although there was a
delay and I had to go on to another way of having estrogen the end result was
still a success and the same to a point. I managed to not just get on HRT
before my first appointment with my GIC, I managed to prove people wrong by
obtaining them officially through the NHS and going through the channels I was
told to go through. I wish this was the only issue I had to deal with at the
time but it really wasn’t, I had to deal with another issue… Social media
backlash.
The Hate
Since achieving and
going public about starting HRT through the NHS so soon before my first
appointment with the Gender Identity Clinic things didn’t go too well with some
people. I did mainly get support from trans people, but there were some trans
that didn't approve. I got a lot of hate and people tried to bully me! I found
that some of the people that gave me negativity/hate and tried to abuse me
online were not just trans people who were transitioning but were trans people
that had already transitioned... It gets worse some were people that had worked
within charities, people that played big importance in the transgender movement
such as protests, marches, and some even spoke at events within their
workplaces.
 |
| If they would have been reading my blog they would have found how I've followed the system including official letters from the GIC. |
From the odd comments
on pictures and statuses to main messages. Apparently, I cheated the system, I
don’t deserve to go on HRT. I would have people saying they followed or read my
blog posts and said my blog was dangerous and that I was too dangerous to the
trans community. It came to a point where almost every post even if it wasn't
about transitioning would get a snide comment. It wasn’t what was said that
hurt me. What got to me really, was the people that I looked up to, the people
I thought were there for me. I know I was unfriended by people that have been
in these movements. You would hear these people say everyone transitions
differently, but yet when I did something differently its wrong, it's dangerous
to others. While some I blocked and reported, I tried to keep some on my list
and even though a few of my friends said to delete them long ago I still kept
them as I thought I thought can change them around. My advice is don’t. Get
rid. If people become so nasty/negative and not supportive of your path even if
they’re in the same community public or not then they are not the right people
for you. This goes for anything in life.
 |
| It might not seem like a really bad comment but it's comments like these the trans community fight against, its comments like these which do get to people and can have adverse effects on someone's mental health. |
Anyway, after the
terrible October 2018, I had to turn it around quickly I wasn’t letting it get
to me and with me. Being public and documenting my transition I wasn’t going to
let these people stop me. I wasn’t going to change my attitude and what I do to
change. For the people that know me is I will always try to have a laugh and
not take everything too seriously because life is too short to be moody, let
others get to you. Ariana Grande released her music video too ‘Thank U, Next’
which the video connected to me and the song being out way before instantly
connected. So I got the idea to do something I’ve never done before and that
dress in a fancy dress outfit as female, some would say a sexy outfit… which
yeah it was… but really I would say for me it was done exasperatedly. I wore
leather tight high boots, I had long leather gloves, I wore gloves in the cold
and I've always felt more secure in boots than shoes. So I thought stuff it! I
spoke to a friend about the idea which she said she loved idea and I went ahead
with it. I know I had a point to prove that I don’t care what they thought, I
don’t care what they throw at me. I don’t think the picture was the best
but with the time restrictions, I had as my dad came home to where I sent him
out (no he didn't see me in the outfit) I took it and posted it and the status
with that post on Facebook and Instagram which was aimed at everyone that gave
me crap tried to belittle me, tried to knock me down.
You know what from
that picture I only got support, not one person that didn’t support me
commented and since then only a couple of people for about 6 months tried to
continue, one of them after messaging them saying I would meet up with them,
showed them everything but kept commenting and ignoring what I sent and I got
fed up and said “if you don’t like how I’m transitioning, do one” within less
than 30 mins she unfriended me. Soon after all people from my friend's list
went and I've never heard from them since. I managed to be free! I asked others
to meet up that gave me abuse or negativity and not a single one accepted nor
got back to me. I wouldn’t mind but I was willing to travel. I know I don't
have to answer to anyone in life, I know I didn't have to challenge anyone but
I felt since I've been in the public and showing my journey, Why would I let
anyone get away with it? I would be told, "I say it how I see it."
That is well and good and I admire people being honest but you have to know everything
before you say it. I posted everything I had from referrals to even post my
screening results from Leeds sent to my GP. So saying they followed and saying
I skipped a process when it was on there. I something I will not put up with.
I find people will not
give you many issues if you're not doing well in life, people, however,
will try to knock you down and speak up if you're doing something right. They
will try to give you negativity, abuse and try to bully and try to put you
down, you will find that they are really and truly bitter or jealous that you
managed to achieve what they didn’t or couldn’t have. Overall you will get more
people that will support and be happy for your achievements and they are the
people you listen to!
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| These comments I really don't care what people think. This was done by 2 different people |
It still hurts now
remembering that some of the people who turned on me, It hurts as some of them
represented the community I am a part of, some I looked up too. I still cannot
get my head around why people that happily say they’re standing up for a community
and giving trans people a voice only, standing up to bullying, hate,
transphobia etc to show me and I've seen some no decorum to others, no moral
and complete indecency. These people will happily shout out that over 40% of
transgender people comment suicide through various reasons, happily blame
waiting times at gender identity clinics, blame people that aren’t trans for
bullying but not once will you hear a bad thing about its own community. It
makes me wonder what type of person claims to be someone or was someone that
was a part of something to behave the way they did.
To get on HRT I had
to work really hard, I was told by many trans people that I would not get on
HRT through the NHS until I was being seen by my GIC. My clinic was clueless
about how to go about it, they didn’t know the processes, where to refer me
etc. I had to do that all myself, I got 4 referral rejections and they couldn't
see why... I had to find this out also. Even now with hormones, I'm still
having to battle. I had to prove to them where they had to refer me to for the
GIC, I had to prove and show where they could refer me too in order for me to
start HRT. It has not been an easy ride as people think! The best thing for me
personally is what I have achieved and how I have done it and that I am sharing
it with everyone and I am truly proud of my journey. I know not everyone can be
as lucky as me. There is so much transphobia in the NHS but at least and I
prey, it gives hope to others.
14 - 16 months on I
have the right people around me, I have people that care, people that want to
follow my journey properly, people that have helped me. I’m lucky to have so
many people that I cannot just call my friends, family but call my heroes. Some
people have heroes that are famous but for me, its people that I can say are or
have been in a similar situation that can guide me, willing to help others. I
don't just call these people my heroes I call them my friends.
Thank you for reading
and till next time see you guys soon.
Sarah
Xxx
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