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JK Rowling


Hi everyone!


For months I have been asked about my take on the whole JK Rowling saga! Even now it's more than ever. With constant news happening and it is getting bigger on the news between the trans community and JK Rowling, the press, the vloggers and the bloggers have lapped it up. Also if Jk Rowling comes to read this post which is highly unlikely… Errr hi and if you want to sue me for expressing my 'freedom of speech' and giving my opinion on this issue, I’m pretty broke.


People have been asking me, why have I not released anything sooner? In fact, I wrote 5 different blog posts, and in total over 20,000 words have been written. The issue is I’ve had with these posts is every time I wrote something I would have a break and I would just stumble onto something or news would break and would make what I wrote irrelevant to how I felt. Before the 3000 word essay, she wrote about how it all started. I never cared at all and honestly just laughed at her, just as I would with anyone else. So yeah I was aware of it right from the start however I never gave a crap. I’m not a Harry Potter fan, I liked the first book and film when I was a kid but that was it. 


Unfortunately, I have what most trans people would consider a very unpopular opinion and I know that transgender people will never be understood fully and there will be some people that never will accept us for who we are. For this to change you need people that are wanting to learn and change, you need the right people that can and will be able to educate people on the matter, unfortunately, for some people that have a brain the size of a nut will never happen. As stated before JK Rowling was someone that I never care about, so when JK Rowling showed her backing of Maya Forstater I laughed! When the whole issue rose with Magdalen Berns came about. I still didn’t care, and I still laughed at JK Rowling.


I would advise reading JK Rowling's Post if you haven't already and hopefully get a more balanced and fair opinion (link)


My Thoughts


Okay so I’ve mentioned two names already and I believe that is how it starts in JK’s essay. When I try and write anything I always try to make it as balanced as I can from both sides, this is the sixth attempt at writing this post and every time I have to take a break and just log into Twitter, Facebook, and basic web stuff and I would just come across either new news that has broken with JK Rowling or come across something I have missed and made the posts I did irrelevant in a matter of minutes. 


So I will start with breaking down the 5 reasons behind JK Rowling is speaking out against new trans activism;


Point one:- JK has a “charitable trust that focuses on deprivation in Scotland, with a particular emphasis on women and children.” This supports female prisoners, survivors of females of domestic abuse, and went on to funding for MS. She says about trans people are trying to replace sex with gender also.


This has no bearing to really speak out to me. The prison I’m guessing to referring to is trans sexual assaults in women’s prisons by trans MTF. There is so much of this flying about online but it's rare that people post any facts at all or official figures to prove how many cases of sexual assaults by trans people on natal women. Trans females (MTF) in female prisons are very rare and as for assaults I’ve only heard of one a trans person when called Karen White who is trans and sexually assaulted women, Karen also raped two other women before she went into jail. (Karen White link The Guardian paper Link)


I am going to be realistic here and for every community, there will be some bad people. There is nothing we can do about it, I would like to say that Karen White will never represent me as a trans person. I don’t talk about trans politics much and on most of my social platforms and on here my blog I try not to talk about politics. I will with this issue on this post, I do feel that if a trans person has been given the chance to go to their prison sex/gender of choice then they should be given benefit of the doubt but should be presenting full time as who they are and on the pathway to transition. If the trans person like Karen, for example, carries on with what they are doing inside the prison walls then those rights should be stripped, why should Karen be safe but is a danger to others. Nothing will change my mind on that, no matter how much hate I get from the trans community.


Trans people are just as susceptible to abuse in a prison, or even out and about just like anyone else so point one to me is invalid!


POINT TWO:- JK Rowling says she is an ex-teacher and a founder of a children’s charity so regarding education and safeguarding. JK Rowling is concerned about the trans movement that affects them.


Since reading the essay... Well, JK Rowling from what I have read from your essay alone I’m afraid to say you’re not educated enough with trans issues and are not in a position to try and educate others on an issue you have little experience of. Saying you’re a founder of a children’s charity then thinking you can talk about trans people and trans kids to me is like a person saying I have a gay best friend so I know and can talk about trans people and trans kids. Like wow, you said you’re against the GRC that was going to be debated in the commons but got that wrong epically! More on that shortly. So point two to me is invalid!


Point 3:- JK Rowling is interested in Freedom of Speech! 



This made me laugh, like a lot! If that is the case why threaten to sue Nicola Spurling because of her tweet saying that JK Rowling is a danger to kids? Or I believe another case was with a website called The Day which is a website for news but for kids. I believe this was calling JK Rowling transphobic. Another one which came after this was Stephen King that expressed freedom of speech and JK Rowling deleted a tweet she has put up about him (more on that further down)... How pathetic can you get!

So three instances where freedom of speech was shown and funnily they were silenced. It seems freedom of speech is something JK is fine with until it is about her or against what she believes… Or as some might say the truth hurts? How you as the reader want to interpret this is completely up to you!

So Point three to me is invalid!



Point 4:- This is the point that very personal to JK Rowling which is about young women that want to transition and how much detranstioning is on the rise. JK Rowling said about how women are transition because they were attracted to the same sex and some, were partly driven through homophobia either in society or in families. This part does go on and on to which JK Rowling was saying to has met with young trans people and they were “adorable” 


Okay so yes I not posted the whole point here because it is way too long and really has no relevant information and on YouTube, and blogs etc not many people talk that much about this point apart from this bit, and is the main one for me and many is:- “A man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law. Many people aren’t aware of this.”


This is extremely wrong and where I paused! I had to reread this multiple times, as this is here is someone that is talking about how trans activism is dangerous and about education. And this is not dangerous? This is extremely dangerous as this is nothing more than an opinion that is put as a fact. The GRC (Gender Recognition Certificate) is so easy to find and I will post a link to this which is by the government on the government (UK) website and is so easy to find (this law changing). JK Rowling is completely wrong on this statement and with it being so easy to find and with the Multiple trans people she has spoken to and has read stuff by gender specialist, blogs, etc. This does make me think if JK has actually spoken too or read at all or has JK Rowling spoken to them about the point she believes in. The issue here is JK Rowling has 14.5 million twitter followers, excluding other platforms and there will be people that will not look into this and believe everything in what JK is saying. This little statement for me is the most dangerous part of this whole bs essay. So yet again a massive false fact makes point 2 even more and extremely irrelevant as JK Rowling has failed to show she is educated enough but also makes point four to me invalid!


Link to the UK Government website for the GRC (This includes Scotland) Link here 


Point five:- JK Rowling talks about being in a domestic abuse survivor which in The Sun's newspaper her Ex-Husband strongly denies but yet did strike her… That is abuse in my books and I do believe JK Rowling about being in a domestic abusive relationship.


JK Rowling said “as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is a simple truth.”


I’ve never used changing rooms from the swimming pool or gym etc, with the changing rooms at my gym I use the disabled. I have only used female toilets to which I have only ever been to use the facilities such as; wash my hands and the odd time to fix my hair and makeup. A statement like this is adding to the many things wrongs about this essay. I covered about bathrooms way back in 2015 when I interviewed Brae Carnes when there was a bathroom issue in Canada and I looked at UK law and I’ve not heard anything different since with the laws and that was where I could not find any laws to state who can use who’s facilities with government or council-owned facilities, so a male could walk into a female toilet and use it. With private facilities, it is up to whoever owns that property, feel free to comment if this has changed with links to a government webpage. As for the GRC you have to have a diagnosis and two letters and live as their preferred gender for 2 years and the rest of your life. So yet again JK you are wrong. To add with the bathroom a trans person is refused entry people will use some kind of human rights is breached but I can't say I know too much on that front.


I would like to say apart from sport such as Boxing, MMA, etc I am against any form of violence away from the sport. No trans person or an ally of a trans person should not be threatening JK Rowling or anyone's life, or to do any kind of harm in fact! It really is barbaric and disgusting and if anyone disagrees with me that is on my friend's list or followers etc please feel free to unfriend or unfollow me! These people do not and will never represent me! I do not associate myself with people that will use violence and if I find anyone I do associate with that feels violence is necessary I will happily cut ties with them. There is no place for it, not now, not ever!


From my knowledge and others, JK Rowling was not in a domestic abusive relationship with a trans person, this was a natal male. I have seen loads of domestic abuse cases that have mainly been male in the media but that does not mean that females are innocent and some have been known to abuse their male partners. I’ve read in The Guardian that Purity a charity for men and women stated that over 40% of men are abused by their female partners but are ignored by the police and media. So yet again point five to me is is invalid!


Link to The Guardian's article (Click here


Conclusion and Today!


Okay, so I have picked what I feel is key information and what stands out to me from this essay as there is more. Getting the facts wrong about the GRC is pretty much what stands out from the rest. I linked the page to the essay just before talking about her 5 points. I would like you to read what has been written before you just use this post as gospel. You never know you could disagree with me.


I am glad I didn’t post what I wrote the other 5 times as every time I did, I would come across something without even going looking for it, or JK Rowling would start trending or a topic JK Rowling is apart would start to trend-making what I wrote what I think was balanced I would be invalid, I’m guessing many trans people would be asking why am I trying to be balanced. You see there are two sides to a story and I feel with Jk Rowling’s essay it is not balanced, I do feel it is manipulative also. I said it lacks facts, lacks links to look at where she found some of the information. Some of these I would love to know where JK Rowling got her information about the GRC laws to be so wrong when it is so easy and the first link when I googled searched. 


She mentions she has a friend that transitioned and how much time it took yeah it takes a long time and in COVID times it’s now even longer! More and more people are being referred to Gender Identity Clinics and more people are transition which is true but there are many reasons and many different courses for treatment. Not all trans people want the operation, as for starting HRT I could not comment. I’m currently transitioning and on HRT which I fought for and I have been on the waiting list for 30 months for my first appointment, because of COVID this could have added an extra 6/7 months wait for my first appointment. After my first appointment, I will have to wait an additional 16-18 months for my second appointment then another 14-16 month for the third and final appointment which will be different as I am already on HRT.


I have spoken to parents that have trans children who follow me on my main social media platforms and I will admit as much as my knowledge on this is small I will be making it my mission to find out in the near future and I plan to ask if I can visit my little warriors and find out what they are going through and to get as much information as I can. I want to know what they are going through and how they are coping on the waiting lists, school, etc, and what course of action they will be going through at their young age. Tavistock is not just the only GIC for children, Leeds where I will be going is another clinic is for children I believe and the waiting time is 3 years (feedback from a parent) one posted that their child gets bullied at school. All we got from JK was they are “adorable” or some other form of negativity about reasons that are even smaller than what I have spoken about, oh, and about something at Tavistock, what about focusing on what the child goes through mentally? 


Some reasons and a lot more common than what was in the essay are: 

Some trans people detransition because of waiting times, like mine it is very long and the process is very long without COVID. For myself and others to be so close like 6 months for me then for it to be a year (in April). Another reason for trans people that may detransition is transphobic abuse that is given to them via family, friends (so-called) the public! I know of 10 people that have been assaulted because they’re trans, around the world trans people are murdered and some in horrific ways. Another reason is discrimination! I have been discriminated in two jobs and also by the NHS in 2016. Some trans people will lose so much because they’re transitioning so they will detransition so they will not lose family and children to name a few. There are so many reasons to this which JK failed to mention.


I’ve debated with other trans people and I kept saying, 'Do I really think JK Rowling is transphobic?' I have spoken to others and have said I feel this essay is to mask her insecurities about trans people and I still feel that way but since the essay, it has made me re-think a little and think it's more to it?

It has made me re-think about is Jk Rowling really a danger to children?


As time has gone on and after last week I feel JK Rowling is transphobic after backing a website called “Wild Womyn Workshop” which has offensive badges aimed at trans people, which goes against were in JK’s Essay saying she wants trans people wanting to be safe. There are children that are trans and I feel if you are willing to promote websites like these who are against trans people, according to my freedom of speech which JK is here to speak up for I feel from the essay and the evidence I’ve come across the answer is yes I feel JK Rowling is a danger not just to children but trans people overall and more. Not stating a fact but my “freedom of speech” on a concerning matter. The backing of this website really is the icing on the cake for me. 





Links to Wild Womyn Workshop: Badge link, Gender Critical link, website home link





JK Rowling wrote a thank you tweet to Stephen King when in the comments he was challenged about trans people and Stephen King responded to “Trans women are women” JK Rowling deleted her tweet, reported to have unfollowed him. I’m not someone that waves the transphobic card around as it is waved around too much and I feel on things that are not really transphobic but I feel this is a big sign of being transphobic right there.




The BookOkay, I will admit I can't say too much on this topic I just know I will probably get questioned on it at the point of writing this blog post as to why I haven't said anything about it. The name (Robert Galbraith) has been pointed out to me and what the name represents (apparently), not that I have looked into it as of yet... You know with life and all. I know the book is about a murdering transvestite and this book is apart of a series. That bit itself doesn't bother me personally as it is not new to where a character of a book/film that dresses as a woman that has killed others! You have Phycho, Dressed To Kill, Silence of the Lambs, etc. Yes, I will probably get backlash myself for this part. I get it with the saga going on with JK Rowling and the trans community and can see the overall picture there, at this time right now I see it in bad taste and will add more hate towards her and what she want's to accomplish. What I do not understand is the name and why can't it just be JK Rowling? Why a male name when JK Rowling is speaking out against gender identity and sex? With an already established name, I just don't get it? I know this is probably not a new thing as you can tell I'm not an author. Loads of questions to ask on this alone with maybe loads of people reading this shouting their reasons at the screen and calling me names!  


Waterstones

To end this I can say that this whole saga is just well... it’s really is stupid and also just fucking pathetic. People will defend their rights for freedom and this goes for anyone and any community! This whole dilemma makes no sense at all, as said facts are wrong and half of the people that are against trans people have never met a trans person. There are so many facts that are inaccurate and I feel are biased from JK Rowling's side. Some trans people and allies think it is good to send threats, which is really is not. I think would be unfair to attack the fans of JK Rowling saying they stand with her because I defiantly think some have jumped on board with how she thinks more than they like her books but also I have harry potter fans that are fully accepting of trans people. I feel there are trolls also on both sides. Personally, I feel JK Rowling needs to meet more trans kids and people like myself and meet with them with an open mind rather than having an agenda. As from what I have read I feel if she met with trans people they were for specific reasons rather than a whole if that makes sense. With the GRC law, this has been a disaster for her, as a real shit show. There are facts here that are untrue and links have been provided.


For people that are not in the loop of what has gone on (click here) for the timeline. I would like to say if JK Rowling does come across blog post and reads it and feels differently, or just wants to chat about it all, I would like to invite her to meet with me or have a chat with me personally and we can discuss this one on one over a coffee or some wine whichever JK Rowling prefers and I will happily travel (when local lockdowns have been lifted and safe to do so). I would like to say I am not a trans activist at all, I try to have an open mind and balanced views, and again do not believe in violence so this would be in safe company. (following the COVID guidelines of course)


Thank you for reading as this is a very long post and see you again soon!


Love


Sarah


Xxx


It has been a while since I did a Road to the GIC post. Now we are back with part 4, which is about closing out 2018. It was an important year for me but overall it was pretty amazing! I actually started my transition journey, got on the GIC waiting list, and managed to be accepted to start Hormones Replacement Therapy (HRT). This post talks not just about bumping into issues with my GP surgery which delayed me receiving my hormones a little but also about how I tackled online negativity and of how my path has been different because I managed to start HRT through the NHS early. 


Recap
I left the last part off where I traveled to Harrogate to see my endocrinologist and I was told that I would start full courses of HRT which would be the injection for the testosterone blocker and the patches for estrogen pills. It was all looking up and going well transition wise anyway.

However! It was one hell of battle afterward.

Troublesome Hormones
I decided to give my GP practice 3 weeks to get the information from Harrogate about my blood results thinking it would take a week, Specially as I didn’t need to have a blood appointment, After 3 weeks I heard nothing an made an inquiry about my bloods to which my clinic didn’t receive them. The 3 weeks was extremely hard as during that time I traveled loads to and from Harrogate, The next day to London (and around London for a gig and sorting a few things out), the next day to Essex, Then London, then home… The for the next day (13th November) at 9am to be reunited with old colleagues (back to my old job) so 4 days of traveling and carrying heavy luggage to starting work less than 12  hrs after I got home... I was exhausted! 
After ringing Harrogate they said that they received the blood tests on the 12th of November and a note were written and sent out the same day. Which was impressive saying the bloods were done on Friday! On the phone, I was delivered a little bit of a blow and wasn’t easy to take at the time which was that I was to be put on patches for the estrogen and not pills because my liver levels were elevated. 
So I had to look into why they were elevated. After speaking to other people through Facebook and checking online. I rang Harrogate to double-check but I had to wait for a callback. This turned out to be an event itself as the day they called me back to confirm changing my diet and doing exercise would help, I was out in Manchester, all dressed as female for the first time on my own but also as I have not trained my voice yet it meant answering the phone dressed as female but talking as male in a packed-out city centre! I did it and at that moment I really knew I generally didn't care what people thought. Everything came back and was confirmed that was the path to take to reduce my liver levels. 
I was meant to start HRT on 14th December 2018 but due to a misunderstanding with my GP practice, it meant starting HRT was to be delayed. They said they needed a shared care agreement and this had to come from Harrogate. A Shared-Care Agreement is for two different parties. So a specialist and your GP for prescribing and managing drugs as well as responsibilities. Harrogate disputed this and never heard of one. All they did was just advise my GP what to do and send the guidelines over that was that! So after 3 days of thrashing it out again with my GP surgery and their manager of the place I won yet another battle. You would think they would have learned after the previous times I’ve had to challenge them. Even now over 12 months on I’ve had to battle on something which will be spoken about on another post but I still retain a 100% record against them and because everything I’ve done is documented and all the research I have done it is pretty hard to lose. I know they don’t want to get it wrong which is understandable but for the patient, this is highly frustrating when you’re giving them the correct information, within one day you would have expected the clinic to have rung Harrogate to confirm this.
Although there was a delay and I had to go on to another way of having estrogen the end result was still a success and the same to a point. I managed to not just get on HRT before my first appointment with my GIC, I managed to prove people wrong by obtaining them officially through the NHS and going through the channels I was told to go through. I wish this was the only issue I had to deal with at the time but it really wasn’t, I had to deal with another issue… Social media backlash.  
The Hate
Since achieving and going public about starting HRT through the NHS so soon before my first appointment with the Gender Identity Clinic things didn’t go too well with some people. I did mainly get support from trans people, but there were some trans that didn't approve. I got a lot of hate and people tried to bully me! I found that some of the people that gave me negativity/hate and tried to abuse me online were not just trans people who were transitioning but were trans people that had already transitioned... It gets worse some were people that had worked within charities, people that played big importance in the transgender movement such as protests, marches, and some even spoke at events within their workplaces. 
If they would have been reading my blog they would have found how I've followed the system including official letters from the GIC.

From the odd comments on pictures and statuses to main messages. Apparently, I cheated the system, I don’t deserve to go on HRT. I would have people saying they followed or read my blog posts and said my blog was dangerous and that I was too dangerous to the trans community. It came to a point where almost every post even if it wasn't about transitioning would get a snide comment. It wasn’t what was said that hurt me. What got to me really, was the people that I looked up to, the people I thought were there for me. I know I was unfriended by people that have been in these movements. You would hear these people say everyone transitions differently, but yet when I did something differently its wrong, it's dangerous to others. While some I blocked and reported, I tried to keep some on my list and even though a few of my friends said to delete them long ago I still kept them as I thought I thought can change them around. My advice is don’t. Get rid. If people become so nasty/negative and not supportive of your path even if they’re in the same community public or not then they are not the right people for you. This goes for anything in life.


It might not seem like a really bad comment but it's comments like these the trans community fight against, its comments like these which do get to people and can have adverse effects on someone's mental health.


Anyway, after the terrible October 2018, I had to turn it around quickly I wasn’t letting it get to me and with me. Being public and documenting my transition I wasn’t going to let these people stop me. I wasn’t going to change my attitude and what I do to change. For the people that know me is I will always try to have a laugh and not take everything too seriously because life is too short to be moody, let others get to you. Ariana Grande released her music video too ‘Thank U, Next’ which the video connected to me and the song being out way before instantly connected. So I got the idea to do something I’ve never done before and that dress in a fancy dress outfit as female, some would say a sexy outfit… which yeah it was… but really I would say for me it was done exasperatedly. I wore leather tight high boots, I had long leather gloves, I wore gloves in the cold and I've always felt more secure in boots than shoes. So I thought stuff it! I spoke to a friend about the idea which she said she loved idea and I went ahead with it. I know I had a point to prove that I don’t care what they thought, I don’t care what they throw at me. I don’t think the picture was the best but with the time restrictions, I had as my dad came home to where I sent him out (no he didn't see me in the outfit) I took it and posted it and the status with that post on Facebook and Instagram which was aimed at everyone that gave me crap tried to belittle me, tried to knock me down.

You know what from that picture I only got support, not one person that didn’t support me commented and since then only a couple of people for about 6 months tried to continue, one of them after messaging them saying I would meet up with them, showed them everything but kept commenting and ignoring what I sent and I got fed up and said “if you don’t like how I’m transitioning, do one” within less than 30 mins she unfriended me. Soon after all people from my friend's list went and I've never heard from them since. I managed to be free! I asked others to meet up that gave me abuse or negativity and not a single one accepted nor got back to me. I wouldn’t mind but I was willing to travel. I know I don't have to answer to anyone in life, I know I didn't have to challenge anyone but I felt since I've been in the public and showing my journey, Why would I let anyone get away with it? I would be told, "I say it how I see it." That is well and good and I admire people being honest but you have to know everything before you say it. I posted everything I had from referrals to even post my screening results from Leeds sent to my GP. So saying they followed and saying I skipped a process when it was on there. I something I will not put up with.


I find people will not give you many issues if you're not doing well in life, people, however, will try to knock you down and speak up if you're doing something right. They will try to give you negativity, abuse and try to bully and try to put you down, you will find that they are really and truly bitter or jealous that you managed to achieve what they didn’t or couldn’t have. Overall you will get more people that will support and be happy for your achievements and they are the people you listen to!
These comments I really don't care what people think. This was done by 2 different people

It still hurts now remembering that some of the people who turned on me, It hurts as some of them represented the community I am a part of, some I looked up too. I still cannot get my head around why people that happily say they’re standing up for a community and giving trans people a voice only, standing up to bullying, hate, transphobia etc to show me and I've seen some no decorum to others, no moral and complete indecency. These people will happily shout out that over 40% of transgender people comment suicide through various reasons, happily blame waiting times at gender identity clinics, blame people that aren’t trans for bullying but not once will you hear a bad thing about its own community. It makes me wonder what type of person claims to be someone or was someone that was a part of something to behave the way they did. 

To get on HRT I had to work really hard, I was told by many trans people that I would not get on HRT through the NHS until I was being seen by my GIC. My clinic was clueless about how to go about it, they didn’t know the processes, where to refer me etc. I had to do that all myself, I got 4 referral rejections and they couldn't see why... I had to find this out also. Even now with hormones, I'm still having to battle. I had to prove to them where they had to refer me to for the GIC, I had to prove and show where they could refer me too in order for me to start HRT. It has not been an easy ride as people think! The best thing for me personally is what I have achieved and how I have done it and that I am sharing it with everyone and I am truly proud of my journey. I know not everyone can be as lucky as me. There is so much transphobia in the NHS but at least and I prey, it gives hope to others.

14 - 16 months on I have the right people around me, I have people that care, people that want to follow my journey properly, people that have helped me. I’m lucky to have so many people that I cannot just call my friends, family but call my heroes. Some people have heroes that are famous but for me, its people that I can say are or have been in a similar situation that can guide me, willing to help others. I don't just call these people my heroes I call them my friends. 

Thank you for reading and till next time see you guys soon.

Sarah
Xxx 

Source from http://socialpsychonline.com/


Hey all, hope you’re all alright?

It’s been a long long time since I covered an issue so this issue is about something I and I know many others suffer from and this post is about ‘Spotlight Syndrome’.
The spotlight effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the centre of one's own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others has shown to be uncommon.

You don’t have to be transgender to feel this also. I suffer from this loads and it’s probably one of the worst feeling in the world also, because you feel the whole world is looking at you, laughing at you. It’s just so uncomfortable, but the only way to get past this is to be out more and more.

My trip to London is a step towards irradiating this from my mind and be able to… Well be me and not give a damn about what people do.  I generally don’t care what people think it’s just down to I can’t be arsed having to listen bitch to me about what I’m doing is against god’s will (I’m not religious but don’t class myself as an atheist) or its wrong etc. Getting into confrontations is just too much effort and a great way to maybe ruin a good pair of shoes and bags.

It’s horrible but I know the more you be yourself the better and easier it gets, I will not give up and nor should any other you, believe in yourself and keep living.

#believe

Sarah
xxx



August 2015-2016 Journey

Hi All!

We are back for Part two which goes from August 2015… well to August. On the last post I left it at my works outing where it was the first time I presented as female in front of work colleagues that I currently work with and that it went so well.

Now is a great chance to go grab a coffee or preferable an alcoholic beverage, a bag of Maltesers and sit back and I hope you enjoy as we continue from my works outing.




  
I’m not a person to look in the mirror and think that I look stunning but these pictures I look at and I think “Wow.” These pictures made me start to question myself, throughout my time with my colleagues at the staff night out I was like “This is so me.” I’ve never felt so in tune with my body and so relaxed which I didn’t want it to end.  

It was the next day where I was presenting as male the dysphoria of how I was presenting hit me. I hated every minute of being who I was brought in the world as, I hated wearing male clothes. I hated everything about myself that I wasn’t female, and it hurt so much I had to run to the toilet and I cried. Crying is something I’m not used to doing or feeling and I haven’t cried in many years.

It was then on the 31st of December when I next presented as female that was to bring the new year in but this time as female. As per usual I was alone for this new year, it did suck many people was with friends and family, where I thought fuck it and did some pictures in my flat.



After a boring time entering the new year it was on the 3rd January where I’ve had my first scare going out as female. During the day I went shopping and bought loads of clothes and when I got back I couldn’t get hold of anyone as I wanted to go out, unfortunately it set my dysphoria off in a very bad way and aggressive way. I needed to get out so I decided to go for a walk and that was down a pitch black canal. After walking about a mile I had no issue apart from when I came off the cannel and in a dark street. Where about twenty maybe thirty yards away a guy was running full pelt past me not sure how he spotted me, but he slowed down and crossed the street and was walking towards me. That was all I needed as I thought I would have to talk and at this stage which I’ve not practised any voice training at all. Turned out he was a weirdo that was just looking at me as I walked past him as if he wasn’t there, I proceeded onto the main road probably about 10 yards when I looked back and he hadn’t moved and still looking at me. I picked up the pace and looked back a few mins later when he was following me, he saw me look and put his hand up to wave which I ignored him and carried on. The road got busy and I didn’t see him after that. What a close call.


It was here where I started to talk to Alison as she was also in this situation and we’ve spoken ever since. She is also a trans person that is going through her transition also. Alison is defiantly on my respect list. She has helped me through chatting on Facebook and answered so many questions so a thank you to you hun.




These pictures are import mainly for blogging as it was when I first got my DSLR Camera which is a Nikon D3300. I love this camera and it has made the quality better… Can’t say for the pose here though. I do feel at this time I was tired mentally and physically as I would have been at my job for 4 months and working through Christmas and being ill, unfortunately it’s hard to keep how you feel about yourself at bay.







                   Left: On my way to work.   Right: Just as I was about to clock in.

10th January this has to be a massive step for me as I went into work as female for the first, it was an extra shift and out of hours so we weren’t open to customers so they wouldn’t see me. The shift went extremely well and I enjoyed it, unfortunately it was hard as I had to lift heavy objects I had help but still heavy work and with the wig being thick I was soon burning up and sweating so I had to remove beanie so I could cool down. The night didn’t end there after finishing the shift I went home got changed retouched my makeup and went out for a random drive with one of my friends. During the journey I needed to stop off at a motorway service at Sandbach in Cheshire for the loo, where I went into the female toilet did my business and fixed my makeup. A women looked at me funny where I didn’t care and did my makeup anyway. I think it was down to me having a full bag of makeup on the side that got her, I don’t think she clocked me as being male though.





 Left: Services
 Right: when I got home from work 
             
It wasn’t long after this on 25th I decided to meet one of my best friends Vicky. It was something that should have happened over a year before when I went out to a pub around the corner from. Vicky has always been supportive of me from the very start and even gave me loads of makeup to get started which I still used some for almost a year after. That day was the first time I caught the bus by myself on the way home but also was out by myself which I didn’t feel brilliant at the time.


Left: In the town centre alone and scared…ish
Middle: On the bus home
Right: with my bestie while she’s trying to cover a spot… Sorry Vicky

I decided to wear light makeup which for me was;

… Foundation
…Blusher
…Eyeliner
…eye shadow
…mascara (because no women should be without)
…touched up my browns (just not very good)

I wore my long leather jacket from New Look, over the knee boots from River Island, tights to dress down the boots and I think it was a black dress or a red dress from New Look. Even then I still felt over dressed and uncomfortable. This was also the first time I wore my new wig.

January was a busy month so I’ve decided to leave it there as right now if you have come this far you have read over 1000 words which include numbers. January was not just about what I did, but also social networking. Just after I went out for the works night out I started talking to plus a few others. My popularity in group soon started to rise and I was chatting to more and more people, mainly in January, I was being invited to more Trans* groups but I quickly learned that the Trans* community wasn’t all that friendly and in stayed in clicks. It opened my eyes and soon learned the type of people I didn’t want to associate with.

I really didn’t think that one month would take up a whole post but this is something I can’t plan and will back track on the next one about the people that I spoke with, my decision to transition and joining the Trans* Community plus much more to come. 

Thanks for reading

Sarah

xx