Two genders Two Tails

Massive Hi to all of you

This post is about my youth and how it seems to have some similar links to CM Punk (Phil Brooks).

In my last post I mentioned CM Punk. He has become a massive inspiration to me for almost 3 years. Watching him be awesome in the ring and having a great attitude (when he was not playing the heel/bad guy) but it was when I watch his DVD "CM PUNK; THE BEST IN THE WORLD" that really hit me on how much we had a few similar stuff in common when he was outside of the ring and in our personal lives when we where younger. The biggest was having an alcoholic within our family or for me in my life. 

For CM Punk it was his father, for me it was my mother boyfriend that lived with us for a while, and when he didn't he still played a part of it. It started for me when I was about 7 years of age, parents not long divorced and a man that came in to my life that was tall, slim and at the time awesome. Soon did I learn that was not the case. What started as my mother arguing ended up with me getting involved in a life of abuse from physical to verbal and witnessing some horrible fights. The worse thing as kids I always thought it was all my fault. As a kid you don't know any better. I wasn't very old and I was into gaming just like I am now. I always wanted a Game Boy Colour and I knew that I was getting one and on Christmas Eve my mother and her boyfriend had a massive argument and what I thought died down, but ended up being the start of the worse thing that could happen to a child. My mum ended up getting a call early hours of Christmas morning from him and he ended up walking out as we was asleep and took the spare set of keys to the house and to get them back we had to trade the presents he bought for us which included what should of been my gameboy colour (even now I cold chills taking about it). My mother explained to me which at the time I was close to tears but it fell to me to open the Gameboy. 

Christmas was ruined before it begun. 

Even after that it my mother continued to date this evil man for a few years more.

CM Punk never really gave to much away but one of them was when he was a kid his Dad was some sort of coach for his school baseball team and he was in his car on the way home when his Dad was vomiting a lot on the journey home. Not a great sight for any child to see without knowing the cause. Think Punk thought it was cancer etc and ended up taking a bike ride crying, but as a kid how would you understand? Seeing a parent ill as a child is the worst thing ever as what can you do to help or understand? The only thing that he was massively different was that Punk never claimed his Dad as a drunk that abuses, just the affects of what it did to his Dad, and the argument and fights that his parents went through kind of how I saw the same arguments between my Mum and her boyfriend.

But for me it might have not been family but it was someone that was close that was involved and we had to witness some similar events. You only need to watch Jeremy Kyle, Jerry Springer and other similar shows and when you see something about an alcoholic and I suppose someone that abuses substances and the issues are always the same.

I suppose it only hit me late on probably late teens when I was working at McDonald's where every Sunday someone would come on shift drunk or extremely hungover. It made the shift hell. Watching people running to the toilet being sick, being moody taking up loads of chairs to lie down because they was still tired or hung over. It just made me think looking at them as they didn't look like they was having a good time, it didn't seem like they was having fun. might have been a few hours before work or during the night but it didn't pay off and it didn't seem like my type of fun. So after seeing all that it brought back memories of my mother's boyfriend and I ended up not drinking for 3 years. 

Drugs was something I never was into I smoked a bit of weed here and there but not where I had my own dealer and bought some for myself, even that I haven't had for some time if not before I did 3 years of not having any alcohol. Main reasons for that similar to hangovers, was when I watch my friends being constantly sick from smoking to much. Not my idea of fun.

After reading about Straight Edge I realized that is what I was at the time. I didn't drink, I didn't do drug and I didn't smoke. Straight Edge can be taken how the individual see it. There are some people out there that don't take illegal drug to some that won't take any drug legal or not. I refused the local anesthetic when I had my ingrowing toe nails removed... The pain scale was extremely awful but it was my choice to refuse it. It's a bit of a snotty (Can't think of the right word I want to use) culture, its like "I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't do drugs. So I better than you!" That wasn't what I did as I don't see myself as that type of person that judges people on how they want to live... I always say "I'm the best." Its more of a tool to me as if I say "I'm the best" then I need to show it so I will push myself to the limit to show I am. I feel that everyone should feel that way, and I have said that for many years before I even knew who CM Punk was. It just seems to link me with some of CM Punk's attitude.

The biggest thing about me is that I won't give up on what I want to achieve I will stick it out as long as I can, the only way I will change course is if something I think is going to be better or can lead me on to a better direction. That is what CM Punk is about., getting what you need because if you you can't you need to move on, as soon as possible.

At McDonald's I was never a yes man like some store managers want, I was never the person to brown nose and say how far do you want me to go. That will go for most companies also, I wanted to be a shift manager, I went out of my way to do what ever just not ass kissing. When it came asking about being promoted the the store manager at the time might have just said I need to kiss his ass. He couldn't tell me where I needed to improve or send me in any clear direction. After that I knew that it was never going to happen with him in charge nor was I ever going to change. I wasn't getting what I wanted so it was time to move on, when I could find the right path.

My tip to everyone is to believe your the best, as it will only give you self motivation to do more and it will make you push yourself to the limit. Don't change who you are for no one.

"I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I'm not." This is my new saying

Thank you