Hey guys!

On this post, I get my Versailles tattoo spruced up! And we talk about London! 

Yes, January on this blog it’s all about London and going to watch my Favorited band called ‘Versailles’ and what I plan to do while I’m there, but what I’ve not spoke about is the preparations. My train is at 06:09am and I will arrive in London around 08:17am. Now as we know I’m not full time as female yet which means the two choices;

Going as female;

02:30am/03:00am Getting up and Bath and full shave

04:00am get ready with makeup

05:30am last min checks

06:00am be at the train station ready for the train

06:09am The train sets off

This could be a hard part of the trip if I get too warm I will sweat under the wig and have nowhere to go and cool down.

08:17am Arrive in London

Spend 3hr 43mins in London with all my luggage and there will be a lot.

12:00pm (Midday) Check in

This is where the problem is! I might get asked questions because I won’t match the card and name I paid with.

12:10pm (hopefully)

I will be in my room and would have to get unpacked and also I would have to take all of my makeup off to shave my face again then to reapply my makeup.

14:00/15.00pm Out to London

Looking round London quickly for nightclubs to go to. As female that is it loads of hard work.

As male;

05:30am Wake up

Check that I have everything

06:00am Arrive at train station

06:09am Train sets off

08:17am arrive at train station and look for bar or source of entertainment and kill time.

12.00pm Check in at my hotel

12:10pm Unpack and run bath

Will have a full body shave and apply makeup

2pm off out I go

There is so many pros to go as male than as female, I would less likely run into any trouble and misunderstanding with anyone at the hotel. I would be seen for how I’m presenting more and with the luggage it will look more genuine… There is one big thing in the way though REGRET.

Even though it will be easier to go as male it would just work out better for me to present female when I arrive in London, the issue is. Will I regret not being myself and travelling as female? This will probably not happen again or not for a long time anyway.

It’s a case of Connivance Vs Pride.

What makes it hard was I rang to hotel as I thought it had the self-checking services which it turns out it doesn’t so I would have to talk and out on my own it’s something I don’t want to do. All I can do is wait and see how I feel.

Now one thing I have pride in myself it’s my Versailles Tattoo that I have and the band saw it when they last came. there is one issue... That was in 2011 which means that my tattoo has faded it’s kind of grey rather than black, the band is refreshed and I thought I should do the same with my tattoo… So I did.

The Tattoo was first done by one of my besties father which will always live with me as it was seen by the band and this will never leave me, also they  might not see my tattoo this time as the band have this weird V.I.P package which I couldn't find anywhere and when I tried to sort it out it said I had to be a resident of Japan?????  Anyway, I wanted to do something else to my tattoo and spruce it up a bit and for this I needed a professional, which for me I didn’t want just anyone do tattoo my most important tattoo. For this I was to trust a friend I’ve known from High school, a person that tattooed names like Steve-O (jackass), Bam Margera (Jackass and another one of my Idols) and Sam Tomkins (Wigan Warriors, Rugby) to name a few. The person had to be Chris Burwin.

Top right: Sam Tomkins. Middle Left: Steve-O. Bottom right: Bam Margera (Before his issues)

My Tattooist is also Trans, which we decided to both go as female, it's awesome that she can just go as female to work and not give a rats ass. I have to say what a choice I made for going as myself and going to Alchemy Tattoo Studio it was awesome as no one in the shop was bothered and the staff was great and was offered a drink a few times which I decided to have water. It was a great experience so if you want a tattoo place that is LGBT friendly Alchemy Tattoo Studio in Wigan is the place to go.

And finally I need a new dress and I need some new boots… Okies not boots but every footwear post I do I’m on a never ending quest for the best. So my 12-hour search has started and if the arrive on time I can’t wait to show you.

Will be posting about my trip to London and Scotland

Thanks for reading

Sarah

xxx

Hey guys!

It's been a while since I've posted, and some might be thinking what about the London and Scotland trip that I've not posted about yet? The reason for this is because it is too long to write as one post and have to do as parts. In previous post where I've had to split topics into parts life has got in the way and they've been delayed or not been completed. So I've decided to write everything up before I post them. Right now I've got 6 completed posts for the London - Scotland trip... The 6 are only for London.

Also I want to give my blog a new look and completely redo all the coding before I post my London - Scotland post. Hopefully this will be done very soon hopefully by the end of the week. Some of you might experience my blog change while you browse through other posts. Don't worry I'm just messing around with the coding to what does/doesn't work and will be reverted back to it original settings within a matter of seconds.

Thanks for all your support, please bare with me on this as I can wait till it is all done and ready.

Sarah
xxx

Source from http://socialpsychonline.com/

Hey all, hope you’re all alright?

It’s been a long long time since I covered an issue so this issue is about something I and I know many others suffer from and this post is about ‘Spotlight Syndrome’.

The spotlight effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the centre of one's own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others has shown to be uncommon.

You don’t have to be transgender to feel this also. I suffer from this loads and it’s probably one of the worst feeling in the world also, because you feel the whole world is looking at you, laughing at you. It’s just so uncomfortable, but the only way to get past this is to be out more and more.

My trip to London is a step towards irradiating this from my mind and be able to… Well be me and not give a damn about what people do.  I generally don’t care what people think it’s just down to I can’t be arsed having to listen bitch to me about what I’m doing is against god’s will (I’m not religious but don’t class myself as an atheist) or its wrong etc. Getting into confrontations is just too much effort and a great way to maybe ruin a good pair of shoes and bags.

It’s horrible but I know the more you be yourself the better and easier it gets, I will not give up and nor should any other you, believe in yourself and keep living.

#believe

Sarah

xxx

London

Hello and welcome to today’s post and is another special post and it's to do with planning a trip to London. I’ve been to London a good few times and stayed over most of them, but I’ve never really done longer than twenty-four hours. I’ve been to Wembley to watch two NFL games with the New England Patriots which are my favourite team and with Wigan Athletic twice in the FA Cup Semi Final and the Community Shield and once to watch my favourite band Versailles at Islington which I have the bands name tattooed on my arm.

This time it’s not just a trip and staying for 24 hours in London, it’s for 3 nights and four days, but it doesn’t just stop there. The reason for my trip is to watch my favourite band for a second time… Versailles are back!

Last time went with two girls that I worked with and they're awesome, and it was a trip that I will never forget, because I was with people I liked and the band that I loved but we got to meet them and it has to be one of the best moments of my life, but it wasn’t just that which made it the best moment but having to share that moment with them and also to celebrate it together. This time I will be going to the gig alone which is sad but at the same time I’m used to it, but then again you don’t really talk or interact with anyone at gig really once it starts. When the music starts I get into a trance sometimes so deeply the world just doesn’t exist.

My last Versailles gig was in 2011, and the year after they released and album didn’t come to the UK or even Europe I think and decided to split and to do different things until last year 2015 they announced that they were coming back! Since coming back they didn’t really release much information, a new album but it was just a collaboration of songs they did plus a few new ones but not something you can call new album but hell they’re coming back and it feels awesome.

So it’s a gig and spending three nights and 4 days there, so what’s so big about it?

Well its massive for me because the last time I was in London l I never really knew about my gender or myself, I never really felt anything because I was this unemotional asshole that was forcing any feelings I had at all away, this time I have options to go as female or go as male… or screw with the reception at the hotel and do a mixture.

Anyway 29^th December came where I had something I was missing in my bank account and that was money so I could book my hotel and train tickets. When I look for a hotel I generally don’t care what it looks like as I’m pretty much just put my extremely baggy jeans on, band tee-shirts, hoodies and most importantly chains kind guy. So booking a hotel this time had to be different.  My requirements are pretty simple though. A massive reception desk so I don’t have to interact with the hotel staff, A self-check-in and a well lit room and a bloody good mirror. Seriously how hard can it be?

Why do I need all these?

I’ve decided that I need to build myself up for next year as I’m yet to do most things independently. I’ve caught a bus on my own and waited on a park bench but that is it. So the choices I’ve decided on are to set myself up and be female if I want to.

Why the big reception area?

This is because ‘if’ I decided to check-in as female/venture out as female etc I don’t want to interact with people I’ve never met. For me it’s about baby steps and putting the foundations in place which many people don’t understand, once the foundations are set then you can do more and build up. With a bigger reception area I don’t have to walk near the desk and for the staff to say “Hi” or “goodnight” etc. I know that might sound moody of me but I don’t want to talk back to them really with my untrained voice.

A Self-Check-In?

This is quicker and apparently it will give me a key so that means it is quicker (unless the thing breaks) or most importantly if it does work it means I don’t have to talk to anyone.

This isn't the ones at my hotel but will be similar.

A well lit room?

I plan to pack both sets of clothes which means over 10 days’ worth of clothes as I might need to come back and change if I want to meet up with someone and go out for the evening I will want to go smart/smart causal. I will need to pack male shoes/trainers. Which I only have one of each or as female god knows how many boots and shoes (depending on the weather) I will need dresses, skirts, tops, makeup (I have loads of it), bras, underwear etc. For my male side jeans tops and if I find a gym I can pay for one or two sessions/maybe a jog some track suit pants. That is to name a few.  Anyway A well lit room is just for doing makeup and the mirror? Well I don’t need to talk about that.

Which hotel did I pick?

The stay in London isn't just all about Versailles as they're just the one night and after how I felt not going as female to the Bullet For My Valentine gig was massive. One thing I forgot to mention was Distance. I plan to go to the event as female so I will be wearing heels probably my boots for this and I tend to go to que up early also which means standing up for about 4-6 hours so I will need comfy shoes where I won’t want to take them off while I’m in the venue.

So I decided to go with Travelodge: London Kings Cross Royal Scot. It wasn’t too far and had everything I wanted and I decided to go all out and go for a double room, which mean I would get;

A king size bed,

A bath and shower, Some with wet rooms (I should get a bath which I prefer so I can shave my body in)

This should be hopefully mine.

A TV (might take my xbox haha)

A good size desk which means I could do my makeup and also write a post-up on here.

Blogging space

A plus side to this location was just the one, it had great attraction links to most things;

London Zoo and the London Eye 1.8 miles away,

The British Museum 0.9 miles away,

British Library 0.5 miles away,

Central London 1.6 miles away,

The Emirates Stadium isn’t far away either,

But most importantly 1.2 miles away from the O2 Academy Islington, and the shopping centre.

I plan to go round London, I plan to go to Harrods, The London Eye, Tower Bridge, The Tower Of London, Buckingham Palace and so many more, I hope to meet with friends that I’ve met on social media also.

What about the night time?

I can’t say whether I will be presenting as male or female but I would like to hit a couple of clubs afterwards. I know the Saturday night at O2 Islington they have Club De Fromage. That is when the the venue becomes a normal night club which plays most of your club music from Lady Gaga to Bon Jovi, but I do like metal music mainly.

The Underworld, seems a promising Venue where they do Rock, Metal and Alternative music so this seem pretty great and best of all, not is it on my side of the River Thames it’s also pretty close to my hotel also. Which I might see myself there for the Saturday I arrive but will have to wait till 11pm when I get in as they have a band on which after checking them out isn’t my thing. 

Electric Ballroom is another place I could go and is also not far from my hotel and is close to The Underworld night club so we will see, I don’t intend on staying in whether it means presenting as male or female. 

Soho, is a place in London that seems to be a great place for the nightlife, but it also seems to have LGBT nightclubs also which include Heaven which supposed to have one of the biggest dance floors in London. It’s still early days yet to find a nightclub but anything can happen but hopefully I will find someone off my Facebook friends to do something and go clubbing with. No matter what I do I will make sure I have a great time and meet up with people and have a good laugh, so with this I can do is think ahead.

There is one thing I do have an issue with and that is my hair, if I go out with my wig that I’m currently using then I will bump into an issue with overheating. Under my wig it can get very hot indeed and with no time left to order a new one it is to turn to my lace front that I’ve never worn out properly. When I’ve tried it it feels great, not to heavy, and where I won’t get to hot in it also so I’m thinking of taking a gamble, this means taking it to a hair dressers and getting them to do it which might cost just as much as getting a new wig as I will not wear synthetic wigs anymore, not because they don’t look real or anything but because I don’t feel as authentic as I do with real hair. The hair gives me the most confidence and I think this lace front I need to try more and get it used, again we will see what happens.

That is it for this post, thanks for reading and I can’t wait to go to London and also share the story with you all.

Thanks
Sarah

xx

Hey all!

First of all, I would like to wish everyone a happy New Year!

Welcome to special edition post and it’s not something I’ve done for a while. This post is all about 2017 and my last day off in 2016, and how it’s the start of probably the biggest challenge of my life which is where I will be starting my transition from male to female to where I will be going full time.

I will get to that later but before I do there is something else I have to talk about. Wednesday 28^th December was my last day off for this year. Normally I would stay in and game/shop for makeup and clothes but  this time I decided not to. Recently I’ve decided to start going to the gym early rather than when everyone else does when the new year comes round and may struggle to get in any classes or equipment. 

Wednesday 28th December, it was a nice day and I didn’t want to stay in so I decided to go for a walk to Scotsman’s Flash pretty much after I got in from the gym. In Wigan you have what are called the ‘Wigan Flashes’ Which is where they have loads of water and where there are bird and people fish in the shortest way to put it, but the views are great and it all looks amazing. I thought that I really want to get some pictures in before my rest window shuts. 

Wigan Flashes

From my house to the Top of Scotsman’s Flash its 3.1 miles and it took about 40 mins to get there before the sun would properly set so the race was on.

At 14:30 I was on the stretch where I would get onto the Leeds and Liverpool Canal, where I would get hit but a surprise and that was that the floor was still frosty and it wasn’t that could either.

With the conditions not what I wanted it did slow me down a little but I still soldered on, even the canal was pretty much frozen for most of my walk to the Wigan Flashes.

Even the ducks enjoy walking on water… technically but it was great to see them all together.

This was still just less than 1 mile away from where I wanted to go but I was touching the start of Scotsman’s Flash so I need to be quick if I wanted to catch the wildlife as well as the sunset.

The Wigan Flashes

With less than an hour to spend there I saw a great view of Scotsman’s Flash, it was the first time that I’ve ever seen it on a clear day, people was still about and the wildlife was around and I loved it.

This was the view I was treated with I’ve not edited these at all and these are just brilliant. This view was a great way to spend my last day off for the year resting. It was peaceful and just paradise for me, sometimes you don’t need to go shopping, buy makeup and go to the cinema where you would be spending money. Sometimes you just need a little walk.

I love these picture and was fantastically timed

The two ripples is the birds going underwater to catch fish to eat.

 I love these pictures also because of how beautiful these birds really are.

After I took this photograph I decided to call it a day at Scotsman's Flash and set off back home, I really enjoyed coming just as I normally do but this was the first time I've been here during the winter and I have to say even without the presents of the chicks and the blossoming of the flowers it was till beautiful. 

On my way home I thought I wouldn't really see anything even walking past Horrock's Flash but that wasn't the case, I tried to get some pictures of some ducks when out popped a swan that thought I had food. Unlucky for the swan I didn't but it still stayed around me and let me take a good few pictures. 

I wasn't long before its mate arrived also and again seemed not to be phased by me being there. 

Those was the last pictures I took on my journey out and I have to say what an amazing couple of hours out of the house it was. The weather wasn’t bad also and the sky was great I would have liked a better sunset but it could have been raining where I would of stopped in. It makes me so happy that where I live because Wigan has many places like this where I can come and get away from the world and chill. Being transgender isn’t easy, we get discriminated against, people that have a fetish for transgender people even cause trouble and people that don’t read profiles.

Just getting away and not having any stress is great.

Okay now for what this post is about and as of today 1.1.2017 it is now the start of my transition where I will be transitioning from male to female and I have set myself a goal of 12 months to achieve where I will live every day of my live as female. From being on hormones, to losing 2 stone in weight and being on the Gender Identity Clinic waiting list. These are to name a few and I know that I now have a massive year to where I will be extremely busy. I will be going to the gym regular at ‘JD Gyms’ which I’m looking for a personal trainer in a few months to help me with my diet and to push me. I won't be doing this alone I have some awesome people that has said that they will help me and guide me the best they can which I can't wait to see how everything turns out. 

It’s weird how far I’ve come on my journey since 1^st April 2014 where I came out as Bi-Gender to now where I’m starting to plan my life to life as female. I never knew I would have the support I have now or be this person that everyone seems to adore and love (that’s how I feel anyway) 3 years ago people didn’t want to know me or hang out with me, I was pretty much alone with barely any friends and yes it wasn’t a great time for me at all.

I look back and think this is how I should have been and never ignored how I felt as now I feel that I’ve missed out on so much like having more friends and even finding love, which is something most of us want at some point in our lives. The hardest part for me is that I’m not into men so that makes it more difficult to find a female that will accept me for me. So hopefully within the next couple of years I will be celebrating New Year in love.

I would like to wish everyone a happy New Year and thanks for reading and giving me the support. I’ve been blogging pretty much from the beginning and I will be sharing every step of the way with you guys.

Love you all!

Sarah

xxx

When I left the last post of August 2015-2016 which I’m doing it was life changing for me as I travelled to my own town as female shopping with my best friend Vicky, I also went to Manchester shopping and had my first make over. Where soon I realised that I’m not Bi-Gender but transgender and my new path is to transition to female and when the time is right to live full time as female.

Okay now is a good time to go grab a snack and drinks as we’re starting this part of August 2015-2016 Part in March.

March wasn’t a busy month for me compared to January and February, but it was when I started to get back into gaming but was where I was presenting as female whist gaming mainly. Again it was a chilled month.

Yep I'm a gamer

On the 13^th March I tried my first ever bodycon dress. It isn’t something I will go out wearing as of yet but I will be doing at some point... maybe. One main reason is because I don’t really have a good figure but the biggest reason is the hardest part of male to female is having a nob. I try my best to tuck but with this type of dress for me is unforgiving and shows everything. So I had to tuck to the extreme where it was the most uncomfortable experience of my life, I’ve never worn this dress since then.

If there’s one thing that I love was when my Dad goes to his girlfriends for a few days, it gave me the chance to be me and not worry and now I’m at the stage where I want to test makeup and new techniques out and I came with this look where I don't have to worry about him seeing me as male then as female.

I wore a leather skater dress for this and decided to do something a little different with my hair. The lighting I got for me makes this picture so much better.

That was pretty much it for March April was better for me. I decided to buy a new dress for an outing with work, this time it would be longer daylight hours and more people could see me but returning to the same restaurant I went to for my Xmas outing at Fat Olive. I decided to look to Amazon for this and found a black dress with a golden belt and I think it looked awesome.

When the Grand National was on people was watching it... For me I was practising yet a new look with makeup and when it comes to pictures I've never look at myself and thought I look nice, I just think I feel better as it’s who I am, but this one I felt I looked good, I felt this is me much.

24 April I went to works night out again presenting as female and it was a great night, I had no trouble, and it got to a point at the bar where they knew what drink I wanted which was a double vodka and coke, then again it’s not every day you get a 6 foot manly women coming to eat.

Unfortunately, it was plain sailing from there and I got busy with work and the weather for me was too sticky so I only presented as female a couple of times till sparkle, which I’m going to leave it till to the next post. During this time although I didn’t present as female I met more people on facebook and I soon started to get inspired by them. One is Chloe.

Chloe 3 years ago

                                                                        Chloe now

I saw Chloe first on her YouTube page where she speaks about being on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) Her videos are whitty and very informative where soon I came across her Facebook profile where she agreed to befriend me. When she befriended me I looked at her pictures where I was like wow! From where she came from to where she is now is truly inspirational. It made me think to myself what I want and feel is achievable. HRT affects everybody differently as its going through another puberty so who knows what will happen to me when I get to that stage in my journey, all I can say is bring it on. 

From three months to sixteen months on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)

Every time I've messaged Chloe she has got back to me and has helped me a few times and has told me of her experiences which she has gone through, I was luckily enough to meet her at Sparkle and have a small chat to her which was awesome. I would like to thank Chloe for sharing her experiences with me, letting me mention her and use her pictures on here but most of all thanks for being an inspiration to many like myself.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwnvWIDR6BZFT5q0rYqQrPQ

I’m going to leave it there for this part as sparkle will make this post extremely long. A big thanks for reading and the next one will be up soon.

Upcoming Posts;

Makeup (anniversary)
Autumn and Winter footwear (Poll to be done)

August 2015-2016; Part 5

Project Posts;
Makeup Challenge (No Date)
Sarah Meets (No Date)