This year started out so great, I had my trip to London then did Scotland which I wrote blog posts about and was posting them regular of my trip to London but because of recent terrorist attacks in London and Manchester then London again it made it harder and harder to post about and celebrate it. So I've decided to mention it in this post but the main part of this post is about depression and a few other things really not had a good time this year up to now and it has delayed my transition and has knocked my confidence.

Coming Home From London (briefly)

30th January and it was time to leave, before packing I was up early I went for some breakfast before packing to come home. The journey from the hotel to Euston Station went well I was there early and went into the Virgin First Class Lounge, after waiting in there it was time to board my train which was great and very organised... While I was on the train journey the train slowed down then came to a stop for a good 10-15 minutes which after we started to move then it was for another 15 minutes the train was crawling. The Virgin Trains host then said over the speaker that the track was reported to have a crack in the line and as a precaution they had be very slow. He was very calm which made me and others a little nervous because what if they didn't know of the crack in the line and we was travelling over it at full speed that could of been a disaster and I might not of been around if it did, but anyway we past it we never had any other issues.


Main Post

I would say its been an eventful year up to now unfortunately not in the right way and I feel to much tragedy has been a massive part for me. After London was hit by terrorist twice and Manchester (very close to me) has affected me loads but in March this year me and my Mum decided to walk in different directions and without me telling her that I will be transitioning to female. In between I've been working hard at the gym (a couple of stops in between) but really been hammered with depression, to a point where I was so low suicidal thoughts started to appear in my head which I've not discussed with anyone apart from just saying I feel a little low.

Luckily I managed to over come that without seeking professional help but with a group of awesome ladies I've become friends with you from a makeup group. You know who you guys are. A few people I work with again you know who you guys are and smashing the gym which really does help and my two gaming buddies. A massive thank you love you guys loads. Unfortanlty it's a topic I don't really discuss with people to how I feel.

The Gym

I've been attending JD Gyms in Wigan since the middle of November 2016 which I did well all the way up till the middle of February, where I had my bad stint from my work life to my home life, it seemed I couldn't get away from any negativity. That happened for about 2 months where I couldn't get back into the gym and my diet just crumbled. I felt alone hardly seeing friends or really going out. I spent so much just rolled up in a ball crying over many thing really, feeling lonely, feeling  how I felt about my gender, not really get the chance to be the real me. It go to the point where I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror and broke a few small mirrors of my own.

Shortly after the bad patch I new that I had to do something as I couldn't let depression and just feeling useless and really going back to the person I was a good few years ago where I had no friends and be in my room all the time in my bubble. So I started at the gym again and I was getting leaner but I had to change the way I exercise as I wasn't able to get in some of my dresses because of my shoulders and arms. Then came Sparkle in Manchester this year, and in almost a month I've started to become depressed again and at the moment trying to get back in the gym once again but the first 2 weeks for me is the hardest to get back into. I know at one point I will get a personal trainer which I've wanted since January but other things has come along. It's something I will get back into just need to keep going.

Away from the gym I've been doing a few side projects but very slow to make sure that what I'm doing is worth it and between my moods which isn't easy at all. This is only brief of what has gone on and will be explain in time to come, but I've not abandoned this blog at all, I've just taken a step back to sort myself out and will start writing soon as I get better mentally.

Chester Bennington's Death

As many people know on the 20th June Linkin Park's Front man Chester Bennington Committed Suicide by hanging himself. It was a shock to the music world and everyone that knew him leaving behind 6 children and a wife. Chester as suffered from mental health problems for many years as he was abused when he was very young by his father (according to Wikipedia) and also where Chester opened up a few years ago about his mental issues and being abused.

Like many others I grew up with Linkin Park and again like many others was drawn to the original stuff they produced from Hybrid Theory and Meteora was my favourite two albums. The newer stuff for me doesn't have that kick they once was able to do, but anyway the songs from H.T and Meteora are still played today and before his death.

I just want to say a massive thank you to Chester for sharing his music and rest well.

Linkin Park's band members set up a page for Chester and for people that want to pay tribute to him and has U.S suicide prevention line and other links and facebook page. http://chester.linkinpark.com/

UK Suicide prevention
http://www.samaritans.org/
116 123

Again I would like to apologise for the lack of posts this year, I can't say when I will be posting next but it will be soon. Regards to mental health its massive that the governments around the world put mental health more of a priority as it affects so many and people are losing their lives though illnesses such as depression. I've been in a deep depression once, and even now I question why I'm alive because at the age of 14 as I was dangling from my loft and thought no one was home. Now I'm thankful I'm alive.

See you soon

Sarah

xxx

Part 5: Night Walk And Tube Day

We’re back and it is part five of the London- Scotland Tour!

So last post I revisit Camden and went to the Versailles gig as female as well as having to catch a cab (Uber) sober as female and I did all this on my own but it didn’t end there when I got in.

When I got in I was thinking about bed, I stripped off and took all my makeup off but when it came to getting into bed I couldn’t, it just seemed a waste after the gig to go bed and is something I don’t like doing, I could have gone back to Camden but I wasn’t in the mood for clubbing so I decided to go and see London at night instead. So I set out on a long walk which would cover around 2.5 miles which was set to Waterloo Bridge.

Light pollution

When I got to Waterloo Bridge I had to take a couple of pictures as I was amazed how much light pollution that London gives off because as the sky was just lit up. Then it was about getting to Westminster Bridge via Queens Walk which is a path next to the River Themes. That was a good walk and goes past Jubilee Gardens, the London Eye, Shrek’s Adventure, The London Dungeon and the Sealife London Aquarium. I didn’t realise how big the London Eye is till I was next to it.

Next was the trip to Buckingham palace which the route I took would be though Whitehall to Trafalgar Square, where I would see the traffic lights that have LGBT/gender symbols for green which also featured on The Grand Tour (Amazon’s Top Gear with the same presenters) anyway I couldn’t get a good picture so I moved up The Mall road which lead to Buckingham Palace which did take me by surprise. It shocked me because it was dark and lifeless nothing went past me or did I see anyone. I thought with it being a massive place for tourism people would be there, even when I got to the palace nothing. I had a quick look at the palace and thought stuff it lets go back to the hotel, it was then when I looked at my maps it would be an hours walk away then I ordered an Uber taxi which I had to wait about 5 minutes for but it was so worth it. I got to the hotel and went to sleep ready for my big day of touring the city.

I would of liked to go into London as female as I did plan to do it but I got hit with an issue and that was my neck, it was sore and full of spots which I didn't think I moisturised it well with 2 days of shaving and heavy makeup, so it was sore and screwed so I had no option but to go out as male. I was gutted but to be fair I already did more than enough to boost my confidence. The picture is my neck just less than 12 hours after I shaved.

Monday 30^th January was the full day where I wanted to see London where I wouldn’t have to panic about getting to see the places, Harrods was first on my list to visit first, I thought what a place to go to! High end designer clothes, high end technology and furniture… okays I wasn’t that interested in furniture. I was walking around passing through the makeup as I really didn’t need makeup as much as it killed me as I had one place I wanted to visit for that, but I went straight to clothes and I thought what the hell, I was so disappointed that it was pretty much stuff I see at a Selfridges and the higher end House Of Frasers. The really top stuff I didn’t like £2.000 for a coat and it was horrid. Stella McCarthy, Alexander McQueen‎ etc some of the stuff I saw just made ask why would people want to wear this and think it’s good? That was the same opinion many others had around me as well.  

£68.000 Sony TV

I had a quick walk around even to the Electronic Department where there is a Currys PC World and was amazed by the sizes of TV’s that they had. I was amazed with the 100” Sony TV they had… Many people will know that I don’t really Like Sony mainly for PlayStation but that story for another post. I think the best part about Harrods was the technology as it had loads to offer but I was short on time and left disappointing and wanting to comfort eat on a KFC which I hunted down and had to catch a bus.

After food it was to Piccadilly Circus which was a tube ride… Yes! The screens that look so good in the movies and adverts it was a place on my “To See List” only then to get there and the screens was covered up, it turns out they’re making one screen that covers it all rather than it being separate screens. Small fact for you, this makes it the first time since The Blitz in the second world war the Piccadilly lights/screens have been turned off.

Could find my picture of it so one, this pics is off BBC

I decided to then go back to Trafalgar Square as I wanted to get a picture of the Transgender Symbol, I know there are other symbols which others might say I should have taken pictures of but that isn’t what I’m about. I got the picture I wanted after a few tries then I remembered I needed something and that was a cheap backpack. I spent loads of time going in shops as I didn’t want to spend loads on a backpack for something to pretty much hold my coats. After going in a few TK Maxx stores I moved onto Oxford Street.

Trafalgar Square

Oxford Street has always been a place I’ve wanted to go but as time moved on I only had a couple of places to visit which was Debenhams and Selfridges. I heard a Kat Von D stall was in one of them which I went to look for. I managed to find it in Debenhams which was great, the girl that served me was awesome gave me great tips and was willing to have a little chat with me. I bought a couple of things from there which was the Interstellar eye shadow pallet and the Lock-It foundation, unfortunately it wouldn’t be used whist I was in London. After moving on I did find a Primark which I decided on buying a crappy £8 bag so I could store my coats while I was going from London.

Unfortunately, by the time I got to where I wanted to go, loads of places like the Tower Of London was shutting and the same with London Zoo when I checked online so it was on to walking across the Tower Bridge, and looking around there. I decided that I would get a picture of the tower then I walked past HMS Belfast where I saw a picture opportunity to get both the Tower Bridge and HMS Belfast as a picture.

It didn’t end there though, a guy came next to me with his camera and saw a picture opportunity like I did. Photography was a hobby for him and nothing more and came up from Southampton just to get picture at night with the cloud in view. For him it wasn’t working and for me also but I just wanted a clear picture with the ship and bridge.  Which I got!

I spent about 30 mins with him listening to his stories but it got too cold, and my phone battery was less than 20% by this time so it was time to retire back to my hotel. By the time I got back I decided to take one last trip to Islington pretty much as a mental thank you for getting me to go to London, for O2 Venue to host Versailles. I went to bed early knowing I would be up early and with all the travelling I did I was soon fast asleep.

That’s it for this part thanks for reading, the next part will be not just about leaving London but a small event that happened on the way home which could have resulted in a massive accident and possible me and others injured or dead. Find out soon

Sarah

xxx

What was supposed to be a nice relaxing bloggerthon turned on it's head with the attacks two weeks ago in London and is where I felt in mark of respect was to delay these posts as I didn't feel I could celebrate why there was a tragedy that happened. I felt only like yesterday that I was on that same bridge, and the same side walking across. 

Anyway all I can say is welcome to part 4 of the London and Scotland Tour. 

Last time I spoke about my first day where I met a person called Victoria who I’ve been wanting to meet for some time, but this part is about the reason for my trip. Because this day is Sunday 29^th January as I came to called it “V-Day.” So this day is about watching my favourite band called Versailles, Finally the day has come. A day me and many others have been waiting for. 2^nd October 2011 was the last time Versailles came to the UK. where I and a couple of friends also got to meet them! they saw my tattoo! It was the best day of my life and a day I will never forget.

Before all that thought I had to make it through the day. I woke up early that morning as I wanted to nip into Camden to that meant catching the tube and with it being a Sunday shops in London are weird as they all don’t open at 10:30am like where I live in the North West of England. Some was open before, others between 11am – 12am. The reason I went was to visit the MAC shop which I struggled to find and I think I even walked past it. I thought Camden was weird at night, it seemed worse during the day I mean it in a good weird way.

I took more notice of the shops as they were decorated and had larger models of the items that they were selling, so I saw large models above the shop of Converse shoes, New Rock Boots to name a few. Yes, Camden was very interesting but I think the next time I’m in London I will take my time more.

I went into this little indoor market where they had life size models of horses and people, the floor looked and felt old where I was going to fall through them. The best shop for me was the rave shop called Cyber Dog. I’ve only been in a small rave shop in Manchester which is like a market stall compared to this one. It had loads of fluorescent clothing and décor. It really was a wacky and fun place to be.

Anyway I managed to come across the MAC Shop only for it to open at midday so with over one hour to kill I set off for another MAC shop which I found at St Pancras railway station and bought a concealer and the Diva lipstick which I wore specially for the Versailles gig. I’m not into red lipstick much as I feel it makes you teeth orange or the white. Luckily for me it was white. I also realised that I forgot my set spray so I knew straight away that I needed a new one but I didn’t want another high end one as I still have a full Bottle of Estée Lauder to use… which I forgot.

So I decided to walk another 1.6 miles to a super drug to get the Makeup Revolution set spray, which after I bought that to walk another 1.3 miles to my hotel. It was pretty much nonstop as I decided to walk 1.2 miles to where the venue would be later on. The venue is on a small shopping complex which when I got there something mentally hit me and I mean hard, worse than when I got assaulted in 2009. I had forgot my Versailles tickets. As I was getting ready the day before I remember my dad rushed me and I didn’t do my mental check of what I had and it slipped my mind.

Islington Shopping Centre

Within that moment I felt like my heart stopped I didn’t panic as I thought the box office would have been open, so I went upstairs and to find it wasn’t open. My felt like my heart stopped for a split second I didn’t panic as I thought of one last thing and that was to check online where I bought the tickets to see if they had another option as I would have to spend another £40, but the issue was how would I get the tickets?

Luckily they had an “eticket” option where you would download the app and the barcode would be sent the phone so all wasn’t too bad… Apart from spending another £40 on tickets. Then again people will spend that to see Gaga/Rihanna etc. The Price of the tickets have always bothered me this time around as they were almost if not double what they were last time, and they don’t bring support with them either, but hey I suppose if you love a band or person with music you will go and watch them.

I got there to find a nice little que and decided to talk to people that was there to find out the people at the front was there from 6:30am. That is crazy for a gig that wouldn’t be sold out. After a little something to eat at my local McDonald’s Restaurant it was time to go home have a little nap and get ready for the show.

Even though I bought makeup for the gig I was still unsure about going as female as I was nervous really as I would be doing this completely alone, with no one at my side at all which was alarming to me, but I knew it was something I had to do. When I went to watch Bullet For My Valentine I was filled with regret that I didn’t go as female even though I didn’t plan to and it hurt me so much and I felt like I betray myself and also others, which this time I didn’t want to happen, so I decided stuff how I felt and go as female.

The only thing one was football which was the FA Cup between Manchester United Vs Wigan Athletic so it was some background noise to listen to. The makeup I wore for this was;

Eyeshadow:  Urban Decay Naked 2 Pallet (which I have now got rid of)

Foundation: Estee Lauder Double Wear

Hiding stubble Concealer 1: MAC Studio Finish NW30

Hiding stubble Concealer 2: MAC Pro Longwear NC15

Contouring Pallet: Sculpting & Highlighting Kit

Highlighting: MUA Iridescent Gold

Brow kit: Sleek Brow kit

Lipstick: MAC Rebel

Set Spray: Makeup Revolution

Apart from the Naked pallet I decided to play it safe as I was out on my own I didn’t see the point in going over the top for my first gig as female and wanted to play it as casual as possible. It took me about an hour to get ready, as I didn’t rush as it was raining but I didn’t think it was as bad as it was till I got out. On the Saturday night the boots I wore really did hurt my feet again they’re a size smaller and not fully broken into, which I thought being on my feet for around 4-5 hours with potential walking of 2.2 miles didn’t fill me with confidence. So I decided to go with my Timberland ankle boots with thick tights. As we know I’ve always been one for boots and go pretty much everywhere in them as female but I know that I need to start wearing different types of footwear… Plus these where the only other type of footwear I had that was suitable to wear as my others was suede.

Doing my last check, I left the hotel room to walk outside and the rain was bad. Across from my hotel there was a cash machine and I went to get some cash out and walked back and I was pretty wet. I had no choice but download the Uber app for a cab, I didn’t want to do it but I know it would do me good to do more things as female independently and being in a place way further out than where I live is a great way to start and build more confidently as it will be next to impossible that I will see them again, plus it was only for a short ride. Which I spent pretty much in silence.

After waiting and with a little confusion with the V.I.P que and waiting just over an hour, we were going in and I was searched, I was treated the same as everyone else and when I bought merchandise I was referred to as female I don’t think it could have gone any smoother… apart from forgetting my tickets. We were unable to take pictures during the event which was set by the tour promoters and this was the same as in 2011 when I last went, I can’t really talk about the gig much as I was in a trance, I was going crazy and was swaying and had my arms in the air, people noticed my Versailles Tattoo which I was being asked about by a few people.

At the end of the night I decided to walk home, my feet by this point wasn’t bad but I would say slightly uncomfortable, but on the plus side it was downhill. The weather was raining but not as bad as before… When I say downhill it was moderate till I got to the last part where my hotel was, it was pretty steep and my calf wasn’t half put to the test going down but I made it.

I finally went out on my own as female did more than I set myself to do and I have never been prouder of myself in less than 48 hours but most of all I kept my promise to myself and that was to go as myself to a gig and what made it even more special was that it was my favourite band.

This wasn’t the end of the night and I will cover that on the next part.

Thanks for reading.

Sarah

xxx

Saw on Facebook

This post tonight should be part 4 of my London-Scotland Journey but due to the recent events that has happened in London I’ve decided to postpone mine for a short time out of respect to the victims of the terrible events off the terrorist attack on the Westminster Bridge and Parliament.

It’s sad this has happened where 3 people have died (excluding the Killer) and this has affected me loads I love London and it holds so many memories and with me halfway through my posts about London I feel I can’t celebrate it right now. It shocks me as I was on that bridge on 29^th January it just makes me feel sad that I was there such a short time ago and so soon after this happened. I would add just before I posted this news came through that a fourth person 75 year old man (excluding the killer) has now past away 

Found on Instagram

My thoughts go out to all the families of the victims that was involved. Especially to PC Keith Palmer who died in the line of duty protecting people in Parliament, Aysha Frade a wife and mother of two and Kurt Cochran an American tourist and a husband. Rest in Peace guys, this should never have happened. These never got to say goodbye to their loved ones and the children have lost a father and mother.

Left: Aysha Frade. Centre: PC Keith Palmer. Right: Kurt Cochran

The Pictures are from the Telegraph

I would like to give a shout out to the services such as paramedics/doctors/nurses etc who reacted so quickly to the incident saving lives. Another Shout out to the police and security services from stopping this from becoming more serious incident than what it could have been. I would like to say how grateful I am to the members of the public that helped out with the injured till the emergency services arrived as I’m sure you help to save lives. Thank you to all.

As a nation we will never surrender, I do not blame any religion or point fingers at race. I went to Manchester today unafraid of any further attacks if the train tickets were cheaper I would have gone to London for the day to pay my respects. I am strong and proud and will never give in to prejudice about me being transgender or from any terrorist.

Apparently it's fake but it still has a true meaning

As for my London-Scotland Posts don’t worry they will be posted in time as they have already been written and just need editing and pictures added… I’m yet to write the Scotland ones.

Thanks

Sarah

“Together we stand.”

Welcome Back and this is part 3 of my journey, last time it was about travelling to London, getting to my hotel and having a walk around Highbury which was mental and messy. Now we look towards Part 3.

I had a big case, backpack, bag of coats, a laptop bag which was full of technology and a bag full of goodies. With the early check-in the packing within 45 minutes and I was knackered. I planned to see a trans girl called Victoria who is someone I’ve been wanting to meet for a while now. She’s brave, strong, funny and seemed to have a great character and she was willing to meet me. During my walk to Highbury we decided on Facebook to meet in the evening so she had time to do stuff, and me to have a shave but I decided to had a nap as I did need it. After getting up I knew I needed a shave and I mean a full body shave so I ran the bath and was like wow how big is this bath. Just what I wanted... needed it and I defiantly had a good soak. 

It wasn't long before I got a Facebook message saying that she was almost ready which I soon rushed shaving and started to get ready. At this time was shitting myself as I hadn’t shaved my face by that time. I quickly got all my clothes and makeup ready and went for a shave and straight after it to do my makeup. Recently I’ve been practising getting ready quicker so it was another time where I had to put it to the test and when it mattered. I decided to play it safe with techniques that I feel comfortable with and colour with the eye shadow pallet.

Makeup used; (not in order)

• Eye shadow:  Younique Addiction 2 Pallet
• Eye Liner: Mac Fluidline (type: Gel)
• Mascare: Bobbi Brown Smokey Eye
• Foundation: Estee Lauder Double Wear (missing in the Picture)
• Hiding stubble Concealer 1: MAC Studio Finish NW30
• Hiding stubble Concealer 2: MAC Pro Longwear NC15
• Contouring Pallet: Sculpting & Highlighting Kit
• Highlighting: MUA Iridescent Gold
• Brow kit: Sleek Brow kit
• Lipstick: Avon Plum

I didn’t use set spray or powder as I forgot to pack any and I’m stopping using setting powder at the moment till I can find out why my skin flakes and it doesn’t when I don’t use powder… Much.

Anyways with my makeup done I decided to look at the weather and it didn't look great so I changed my outfit when I had a message from Victoria to say she was coming to meet me at the hotel and the issue was... she was about to catch the tube, and with the weather forecast not looking great I had to quickly redo my whole outfit. So I decided to go for a lace skater dress which I bought from amazon (mainly as this will keep me cool under my coat and with my prosfetics. It had flower detail which was the lace for the full length of the dress with a lining for the body, it was three quarter length for the arms but with no lining. Before getting dressed it’s about sorting out my silicon breasts which are C cups, It’s then about the lower region which needed sorting out so I don’t get the bulge and then on with the tights which are from New Look. Followed by the Faux Leather OTK boots again from New Look, then waist trainer. Carefully the dress is next followed but doing my hair. Once the hair is done then I do my lippy.

Within less than 30 minutes I was ready, just in time as Victoria then massaged me to say she was outside my hotel. I quickly checked I had the right bag I wanted which was a little River Island bag, my phone, basic makeup and purse, it was then a quick check that I had everything I was extremely nervous also feeling sick thinking. Is going as a girl the right choice? Will I pass? Will I get into bother if I don't? With me even though I ask myself these questions I still go against it and think fuck it. With a quick nervous sigh I set off I got out of the lift to the reception area with no one insight till the entrance and there stood a thin and too be honest there stood a attractive female, the girl that I’ve wanted to meet for ages.

With light introductions because we knew each other... Kinda through chatting on Facebook we set off slowly and into our first pub… Only now I realised I should of took note of where we went as I don’t have a clue and can’t remember. Anyway, the first pub we both ordered a cider and decided to go up to where there was a balcony and just where we wanted a quiet place so we could get to know each other personality and no not like that. Victoria is way in front of me in her transition and she was open enough to answer some questions and for me to learn so I could see what I will potentially be in for. Every transgender person that is in their transition whether its male to female or female to male is that their journey is different, though procures are pretty much the same though from the people I've spoken to anyway.

People came up to the balcony and never bothered us which very quickly I became comfortable in myself, we soon drank up and went to Kings Cross Station where I would be accomplishing another thing, catching the tube as female for the first time. It was only for two/three stops but hey it’s another thing to scratch off the list. We got off in Camden where it was then a quick tour of the place and stopping off where we saw Graffiti and not the stupid names of wannabe bad boy ass holes that just have a can of spray paint but actual art.

After this we stopped by the MAC shop, looked around a few market places and went to a great Rave shop called Cyberdog which is awesome but I will talk about that in my next post. After that it was on to drinking which I was introduced to Rum and Cola which I’ve never tried to which I fell in love with that drink. I had that drink at the only pub/club I remember going into which was called “The Worlds End” which I was told is part of Underworld which many famous bands have and still play there. The World Ends I can’t lie is in need of improvement mainly talking about the toilet facilities, I used the female toilets and the toilet lids was disgusting or not even there and where I decided to think stuff that I’m standing which is something I don’t like doing, even when presenting male. Some toilet lids were missing and squatting over is something I’ve never tried doing and didn’t want to even attempt. By that point the cider I had in the first pub got to me and my bladder was always crying out for the loo which this was in the space of 10 minutes I think I went three times. We went into a few rock pubs as that is what we both had likings for. I will admit I didn’t have my phone out loads as I was having loads of fun and I was pretty drunk which never helps but I managed to get a few pictures in.

Even though the night was still young being up early for both of us, and with our busy lives soon caught up with us and we decided to call it a night. The boots I wore was hurting my feet loads because they where a size smaller than what I am but wasn't completely broken into yet either so that didn't help, I couldn’t walk much further which I only wore because the weather was supposed to be bad which it wasn’t and was just cold. Victoria flagged a taxi down for and I went back to the hotel and she caught the tube home. Even though we only spent a few hours together it was enough to fill me with memories I will cherish as well as having a great time, this was also the first time I’ve been on a night out where I’ve not been to Canal Street… Which was the only one time.  As per usual when I am out I always get drunk and manage to get a Snapchat selfie in and I love it and still think it was cute.  I went to bed a drunk happy girl.

That's is it for part 3, join me on the next part as I still the build up to Versailles gig and my day trip to London before I talk about Scotland.

Thanks for reading

Sarah

xxx

Hey guys!

Welcome back to Part 2 of London-Scotland 2017, This part of the trip is about getting to London and what I did before I checked into the Hotel.

All week I had one big thing on my mind and that was; Should I go to London as who I am as female? Or go as male where I could chill out and not worry about anything but possibly regret it later on? It was just 24 hours before I made my mind up that I was going to take the risk and go as male. With all the bags it made perfect sense to go as male and also I had to think about my skin and knowing if I did go as female then I would have to take my makeup off to then shave and reapply it for the night out.

Anyway at 6:10am my train arrived I got on the train and thinking it will be like most first class Virgin Trains where it would be spacious with those lights you get on the side of your table and people coming round with drinks etc... I was soon disappointed. Instead I had to go to the shop when it opened and then claim it by showing them my ticket, I got a chicken wrap with Caesar Sauce which was nice and a Galaxy hot chocolate which was also great. I must admit the train journey was indeed extremely quick compared to most times I've been to London. Then again I had two games on the go, Casino Inc – The Management game on my laptop and Football Manager on my PSP.

What I'm used to having

We arrived in London a little early that expected and was around 8am when I arrived, struggling with all my luggage I knew that I had to find somewhere to store all my things and quick. I looked online for storage places which was between £6-12 per bag… I had 5 bags with me and all was very heavy so I decided to take a gamble and ring my hotel and see if they had any storage facilities till I checked in, the good news is that they did and was free of charge, which I couldn’t believe. So I set off with all my luggage but I couldn’t help but look around and most of the People I saw was carrying at least two small suitcases with wheels on them compared to me which was one large travel case, laptop bag with all my tech, backpack full of makeup and my camera, a bag full of my coats and another bag.

Within around 30 minutes I was there, I put my bags in a room that was secured and I was able to set off. There was always one thing I planned to do and this was to waste time more than anything and that was to visit Arsenal’s stadium, it’s a ground that I’ve always wanted to go to… Unfortunately, they were away during my visit, I did have a second chance which was the F.A Cup draw... which they were also drawn away, but it didn’t stop me from going to have a look around.

I picked probably one of the worst routes to go mainly it was a long route, I could have caught a tube which would of  been one stop but I didn’t and I kept going. I wanted to pass the venue of where I would be going which was O2 Islington which was pretty easy to find. I took in all the building that I would remember, such as the Sainsbury’s, the Vue cinema which I almost went to see a film. I kept going thinking I would find a kfc… I did but it was closed. 

I loved the stadium it looked great and was massive, walking round it seemed longer than the train journey but then again I was in extreme discomfort as I need a trip to the loo. Highbury I was shocked at as it wasn't really a nice place... well the way I walked in it wasn't but it was great to get out and explore.

I got back to the Hotel about 11:45 which I had a nice walk but was tired. Thankfully I had a great hotel receptionist that was awesome. I decided to take peoples advice I was given on various social network platforms and decided to declare I was trans not full time and they will see me going to and from as male/female. The Hotel receptionist was great and reassured me that it was fine and in London you can get away with pretty much anything, she checked my room on the computer and said my room was ready and I was checked in early so a win all round.So I went in my room and unpacked… boy was that a chore with the amount of stuff I had, I soon hit the hey for a power hour.

For this part I'm going to leave it there as this post will be too long otherwise. Join me in a couple of days when I talk about meeting up with an awesome trans girl and my night out around Camden and what else I got up to.

I can’t wait to share more with you all, join me in a couple of days for part 3 of my London-Scotland 2017 Trip.

Thanks for reading

Sarah

Hey guys!

On this post, I get my Versailles tattoo spruced up! And we talk about London! 

Yes, January on this blog it’s all about London and going to watch my Favorited band called ‘Versailles’ and what I plan to do while I’m there, but what I’ve not spoke about is the preparations. My train is at 06:09am and I will arrive in London around 08:17am. Now as we know I’m not full time as female yet which means the two choices;

Going as female;

02:30am/03:00am Getting up and Bath and full shave

04:00am get ready with makeup

05:30am last min checks

06:00am be at the train station ready for the train

06:09am The train sets off

This could be a hard part of the trip if I get too warm I will sweat under the wig and have nowhere to go and cool down.

08:17am Arrive in London

Spend 3hr 43mins in London with all my luggage and there will be a lot.

12:00pm (Midday) Check in

This is where the problem is! I might get asked questions because I won’t match the card and name I paid with.

12:10pm (hopefully)

I will be in my room and would have to get unpacked and also I would have to take all of my makeup off to shave my face again then to reapply my makeup.

14:00/15.00pm Out to London

Looking round London quickly for nightclubs to go to. As female that is it loads of hard work.

As male;

05:30am Wake up

Check that I have everything

06:00am Arrive at train station

06:09am Train sets off

08:17am arrive at train station and look for bar or source of entertainment and kill time.

12.00pm Check in at my hotel

12:10pm Unpack and run bath

Will have a full body shave and apply makeup

2pm off out I go

There is so many pros to go as male than as female, I would less likely run into any trouble and misunderstanding with anyone at the hotel. I would be seen for how I’m presenting more and with the luggage it will look more genuine… There is one big thing in the way though REGRET.

Even though it will be easier to go as male it would just work out better for me to present female when I arrive in London, the issue is. Will I regret not being myself and travelling as female? This will probably not happen again or not for a long time anyway.

It’s a case of Connivance Vs Pride.

What makes it hard was I rang to hotel as I thought it had the self-checking services which it turns out it doesn’t so I would have to talk and out on my own it’s something I don’t want to do. All I can do is wait and see how I feel.

Now one thing I have pride in myself it’s my Versailles Tattoo that I have and the band saw it when they last came. there is one issue... That was in 2011 which means that my tattoo has faded it’s kind of grey rather than black, the band is refreshed and I thought I should do the same with my tattoo… So I did.

The Tattoo was first done by one of my besties father which will always live with me as it was seen by the band and this will never leave me, also they  might not see my tattoo this time as the band have this weird V.I.P package which I couldn't find anywhere and when I tried to sort it out it said I had to be a resident of Japan?????  Anyway, I wanted to do something else to my tattoo and spruce it up a bit and for this I needed a professional, which for me I didn’t want just anyone do tattoo my most important tattoo. For this I was to trust a friend I’ve known from High school, a person that tattooed names like Steve-O (jackass), Bam Margera (Jackass and another one of my Idols) and Sam Tomkins (Wigan Warriors, Rugby) to name a few. The person had to be Chris Burwin.

Top right: Sam Tomkins. Middle Left: Steve-O. Bottom right: Bam Margera (Before his issues)

My Tattooist is also Trans, which we decided to both go as female, it's awesome that she can just go as female to work and not give a rats ass. I have to say what a choice I made for going as myself and going to Alchemy Tattoo Studio it was awesome as no one in the shop was bothered and the staff was great and was offered a drink a few times which I decided to have water. It was a great experience so if you want a tattoo place that is LGBT friendly Alchemy Tattoo Studio in Wigan is the place to go.

And finally I need a new dress and I need some new boots… Okies not boots but every footwear post I do I’m on a never ending quest for the best. So my 12-hour search has started and if the arrive on time I can’t wait to show you.

Will be posting about my trip to London and Scotland

Thanks for reading

Sarah

xxx

London

Hello and welcome to today’s post and is another special post and it's to do with planning a trip to London. I’ve been to London a good few times and stayed over most of them, but I’ve never really done longer than twenty-four hours. I’ve been to Wembley to watch two NFL games with the New England Patriots which are my favourite team and with Wigan Athletic twice in the FA Cup Semi Final and the Community Shield and once to watch my favourite band Versailles at Islington which I have the bands name tattooed on my arm.

This time it’s not just a trip and staying for 24 hours in London, it’s for 3 nights and four days, but it doesn’t just stop there. The reason for my trip is to watch my favourite band for a second time… Versailles are back!

Last time went with two girls that I worked with and they're awesome, and it was a trip that I will never forget, because I was with people I liked and the band that I loved but we got to meet them and it has to be one of the best moments of my life, but it wasn’t just that which made it the best moment but having to share that moment with them and also to celebrate it together. This time I will be going to the gig alone which is sad but at the same time I’m used to it, but then again you don’t really talk or interact with anyone at gig really once it starts. When the music starts I get into a trance sometimes so deeply the world just doesn’t exist.

My last Versailles gig was in 2011, and the year after they released and album didn’t come to the UK or even Europe I think and decided to split and to do different things until last year 2015 they announced that they were coming back! Since coming back they didn’t really release much information, a new album but it was just a collaboration of songs they did plus a few new ones but not something you can call new album but hell they’re coming back and it feels awesome.

So it’s a gig and spending three nights and 4 days there, so what’s so big about it?

Well its massive for me because the last time I was in London l I never really knew about my gender or myself, I never really felt anything because I was this unemotional asshole that was forcing any feelings I had at all away, this time I have options to go as female or go as male… or screw with the reception at the hotel and do a mixture.

Anyway 29^th December came where I had something I was missing in my bank account and that was money so I could book my hotel and train tickets. When I look for a hotel I generally don’t care what it looks like as I’m pretty much just put my extremely baggy jeans on, band tee-shirts, hoodies and most importantly chains kind guy. So booking a hotel this time had to be different.  My requirements are pretty simple though. A massive reception desk so I don’t have to interact with the hotel staff, A self-check-in and a well lit room and a bloody good mirror. Seriously how hard can it be?

Why do I need all these?

I’ve decided that I need to build myself up for next year as I’m yet to do most things independently. I’ve caught a bus on my own and waited on a park bench but that is it. So the choices I’ve decided on are to set myself up and be female if I want to.

Why the big reception area?

This is because ‘if’ I decided to check-in as female/venture out as female etc I don’t want to interact with people I’ve never met. For me it’s about baby steps and putting the foundations in place which many people don’t understand, once the foundations are set then you can do more and build up. With a bigger reception area I don’t have to walk near the desk and for the staff to say “Hi” or “goodnight” etc. I know that might sound moody of me but I don’t want to talk back to them really with my untrained voice.

A Self-Check-In?

This is quicker and apparently it will give me a key so that means it is quicker (unless the thing breaks) or most importantly if it does work it means I don’t have to talk to anyone.

This isn't the ones at my hotel but will be similar.

A well lit room?

I plan to pack both sets of clothes which means over 10 days’ worth of clothes as I might need to come back and change if I want to meet up with someone and go out for the evening I will want to go smart/smart causal. I will need to pack male shoes/trainers. Which I only have one of each or as female god knows how many boots and shoes (depending on the weather) I will need dresses, skirts, tops, makeup (I have loads of it), bras, underwear etc. For my male side jeans tops and if I find a gym I can pay for one or two sessions/maybe a jog some track suit pants. That is to name a few.  Anyway A well lit room is just for doing makeup and the mirror? Well I don’t need to talk about that.

Which hotel did I pick?

The stay in London isn't just all about Versailles as they're just the one night and after how I felt not going as female to the Bullet For My Valentine gig was massive. One thing I forgot to mention was Distance. I plan to go to the event as female so I will be wearing heels probably my boots for this and I tend to go to que up early also which means standing up for about 4-6 hours so I will need comfy shoes where I won’t want to take them off while I’m in the venue.

So I decided to go with Travelodge: London Kings Cross Royal Scot. It wasn’t too far and had everything I wanted and I decided to go all out and go for a double room, which mean I would get;

A king size bed,

A bath and shower, Some with wet rooms (I should get a bath which I prefer so I can shave my body in)

This should be hopefully mine.

A TV (might take my xbox haha)

A good size desk which means I could do my makeup and also write a post-up on here.

Blogging space

A plus side to this location was just the one, it had great attraction links to most things;

London Zoo and the London Eye 1.8 miles away,

The British Museum 0.9 miles away,

British Library 0.5 miles away,

Central London 1.6 miles away,

The Emirates Stadium isn’t far away either,

But most importantly 1.2 miles away from the O2 Academy Islington, and the shopping centre.

I plan to go round London, I plan to go to Harrods, The London Eye, Tower Bridge, The Tower Of London, Buckingham Palace and so many more, I hope to meet with friends that I’ve met on social media also.

What about the night time?

I can’t say whether I will be presenting as male or female but I would like to hit a couple of clubs afterwards. I know the Saturday night at O2 Islington they have Club De Fromage. That is when the the venue becomes a normal night club which plays most of your club music from Lady Gaga to Bon Jovi, but I do like metal music mainly.

The Underworld, seems a promising Venue where they do Rock, Metal and Alternative music so this seem pretty great and best of all, not is it on my side of the River Thames it’s also pretty close to my hotel also. Which I might see myself there for the Saturday I arrive but will have to wait till 11pm when I get in as they have a band on which after checking them out isn’t my thing. 

Electric Ballroom is another place I could go and is also not far from my hotel and is close to The Underworld night club so we will see, I don’t intend on staying in whether it means presenting as male or female. 

Soho, is a place in London that seems to be a great place for the nightlife, but it also seems to have LGBT nightclubs also which include Heaven which supposed to have one of the biggest dance floors in London. It’s still early days yet to find a nightclub but anything can happen but hopefully I will find someone off my Facebook friends to do something and go clubbing with. No matter what I do I will make sure I have a great time and meet up with people and have a good laugh, so with this I can do is think ahead.

There is one thing I do have an issue with and that is my hair, if I go out with my wig that I’m currently using then I will bump into an issue with overheating. Under my wig it can get very hot indeed and with no time left to order a new one it is to turn to my lace front that I’ve never worn out properly. When I’ve tried it it feels great, not to heavy, and where I won’t get to hot in it also so I’m thinking of taking a gamble, this means taking it to a hair dressers and getting them to do it which might cost just as much as getting a new wig as I will not wear synthetic wigs anymore, not because they don’t look real or anything but because I don’t feel as authentic as I do with real hair. The hair gives me the most confidence and I think this lace front I need to try more and get it used, again we will see what happens.

That is it for this post, thanks for reading and I can’t wait to go to London and also share the story with you all.

Thanks
Sarah

xx