Bonjour all!

This topic is about "Wish And Cream." It's not a rude as it sounds haha. It's a two-part post talking about the Wish App and some cream I picked up from the Body Shop.

Wish

The Wish App has been gaining popularity these last few months in the UK. I know it has been in the US at least since 2013. I thought I would check it out and see what it was about. After downloading it asking for you to set up and account and all that lah de dah stuff. It then asked you to pick what things you’re interested in, clothes (male/female), types of clothing, gadgets and home stuff... Well, everything really. Then you pick your choices, think you can pick as many as you want. The app will then post deals or items based on what you selected that you want to buy. 

All the stuff is from the east to China and Korea are the only countries I've seen, with most of the items I’ve seen on eBay, but this is better than using eBay when it comes to buying from China and Korea. I’m sure if you’ve bought from China or Korea or maybe both sizes are a pain in the ass. Correct me if I'm wrong but on eBay, you can only see the feedback on the shop as a whole? On the Wish App, you can see more stats from what people have written about that item. For example, if I wanted to buy a dress I can look at the stats if the dress is true to its size or if I need to downsize or go up a size. I can also look what people have written about the shop. Delivery seems to be cheap for clothes I've not seen a P&P for over £2. 

After looking at what the Wish App has to offer I decided to give it a go. I bought a summer dress (£4), some sunglasses (£2) and some gel eyeliner (£5). They all came within 2 weeks. The dress looks great and I've had a good few likes when I posted it on my Facebook page and other social websites I’m on, but as for the quality for £4 (on sale from £11) is low but for starting out trying to get clothes its fine, and light so you won't sweat in the summer heat... If in the UK we actually get any sun.

The sunglasses again just a start as I've never ever worn sunglasses in my life which I suppose is a bad idea. Since going out last summer and looking at what other women were wearing and friends, blogs, and shops etc. The big sunglasses are in now, so I thought I would look for some. I found the ones I wanted on the Wish App for £2 (On sale from £10). I've not been out in them yet as I've never presented as female when the sun has been out or since I got them. I've tried them on to see if they fit. Again the quality is low but why would they feel expensive at its original price? The thing is at the summer stage I'm in they're a start and I think they look great.

The dress I bought off Wish (£4)

The gel eyeliner was something I've been looking at for ages on eBay but the price was around the £10 mark, again the Wish App came to the rescue and for £5 I was never going to say no, they also come with a little brush to apply the gel with. I've not the Eyeliner yet but will post pics when I do.

I would recommend this app for everything and the app always has sales on and notifies you. I love this app and spend so much time adding clothes to my wish list. The app accepts most major debit/credit cards and my favorite PayPal. You also gain money to spend like a reward scheme and I think I have earned around £2.

And Cream

This is a bit of an update to my "Shaving" posts. Last time I spoke about it was about changing razors and two the Wilkinson Sword: Extreme 3 (female Razors) and the results was awesome but when you catch yourself boy do you. Now I've changed the shaving cream. I used to use Gillette's Fusion (men’s) which was okay but would never last me a month, and never really helped my skin too much. Now I've decided to go expensive... Or have I?

So I went to the Body Shop in town where I live, and I was with my friend where I inquired about shaving cream. I managed to get some samples of "Maca Root Shave Cream" (for men) which I then heard the saleswomen saying to my friend that the cream was great for legs. You know that twitch your brain does when something awesome just hits you? It hit me and I thought "that’s the one”. I tried the samples and it worked really worked well on my face, and still kept my face moisturized after I shaved.

When I got paid I when straight to the Body Shop and bought it, but I knew this shaving cream was for the whole of my body and I thought about taking a gamble and told her about being Bi-Gender and told her what I need the cream for and also what about moisturizing cream for after the shave. It went down a treat, she was lovely and pointed me to the best stuff, and unfortunately, I was on a strict budget so for the first visit that day, but I also got "Hemp Body Butter." The smell might not be the best but the results are awesome, and I would recommend it. It keeps your skin moisturized for a couple of days after you apply it.

Maca Root Shave Cream cost £9 

I've been using these for a month now and not used much and I use these both all over my body. They did cost a bit but I've not used much of both and I think I will get around 2/3 months out of the Shaving Cream and 2/3 months of the Body Butter which I've seen so much improvement in my skin after using both. I think regards to the Shaving cream I'm breaking even or if not saving money maybe a little but it's a saving, plus the shaving cream is worth every penny. I would like to point out everybody is different and results might not be the same as mine.

That day I couldn't help but go back to the shop and as they knew about me being Bi-Gender I bought some make-up brushes £50 and a powered foundation base which is really working well, I will do a post on them soon. I signed up to the reward scheme that they're doing and got a free cream/gel thing for my eyelid when I want a relaxing spa which should have cost around £5.

Thanks for reading.

Naive definition: Having or showing a lack of experience, judgment, or information; credulous.

Hey All!

This week topic is called: Naive with Summer Blues. Let’s start off with the word Naive.

Naive

Would I describe myself as being naive since learning about being Bi-Gender? The answer is yes and still am now. The picture that I took from then to now shows it all. The thing is every person in this world is naive when they start something. It can be for anything, blogging, starting a new business, starting work, getting a new home etc the list goes on and this is all down to having the lack of experience in the direction that you are going. You can look it up and really research into it... It helps a lot but when it comes too actually doing when you haven't it will show and as you progress you will get better at doing it.

So me starting out yes I was Bi-Gender but I was really a guy in a dress and makeup plus wearing a £7 fancy dress wig (Hate using the word) to now a £80 real hair wig. I would say most people when they realise who they are and start to change the gender roles they will be the same, due to the lack of experience and the other things that surrounds the word naive. As I said in other posts I didn't start off spending big on things that would change my body, looks, and my face being with makeup and even thing that would reshape the outline of my body. Which made me naive as I had the lack of information and experience to do and accomplish the things I have done now.

First ever picture

                                                                                16.4.14    

Christmas Eve before going meeting people

 for the first time as female

24.12.14

Most recent 19.5.15

Even now I look back at the old pictures of me and think about how much I've changed to the women I am now, but even though I started to see an increase of likes in my Facebook profile and other websites I've started to get more noticed and even now I'm still naive to many things. I now feel sorry to women now when it comes to the idiotic men that thinking it's okay to sending you a messages on how much they want to have intercourse with you, some know about me being Bi-Gender which turns them on and some don't. It's great that they see beauty and everything but not all females want an easy time with someone that is desperate... Plus for me I only like females regardless of my gender so unlucky there.  I don't want to be there for you but Redtube is. (it was a favourite/bookmark on my Ex-girlfriend’s PC browser)

Naive with summer blues

Back onto subject at the moment I'm extremely naive to clothes. I love shopping online and the Wish App has really been helpful to me, but I'm not a summer girl so I have so much lack of information on what to wear in the summer, but I'm always checking blogs, Primania, twitter and looking around shops online. Not had the chance to go out looking for inspiration to what other people are wearing. The only thing that is good is that no one has put their boots away yet, I know anytime soon my boots will have to go into hibernation till September. I know boots will be big over the summer but they're the gladiator boots which I will not be a part of the trend, and I know I love my boots but not for the gladiator range.

As for my clothes I've just bought my first official summer dress. At the start of the month I spent ages looking on the Wish App as when it comes to doing new things in this case fashion I will always try to find the cheapest item of clothing to start off with then spend bigger if I like where it's going. So I bought a few items. A black floppy (which has been in for over a year and all seasons also this was off eBay) some sunglasses (Black frame and big) which I've never worn in my life even as male.

The Dress is weird as people on my Facebook have messaged me saying they like the skirt... Yeah its part of the dress. I suppose the reason why it looks like a dress is due to it comes with a belt, which matches the lower part giving it the skirt illusion. The top part of the dress is very plain but that does give me the opportunity to add to it. So a jacket maybe ? Other accessories to make it look less boring? I put black tights and knee boots with them. They are the ones which has a bow on the side for detail, probably the hardest boots I have to walking also. I also styled my hair slightly differently with a sweeping fringe, I think it's called. It's a start and apart from shoes and the other items I mentioned I think I'm going in the right direction might just take a month or two... Or when summer is over.

Overall I don't think being Naive is such a negative word, with me documenting every time I've presented female it has shown me how far I've come to where I am now, even though I still feel that I’m still on the learning path I know that my experiences will change and from the pictures I think many of you might agree I’m on the right path.

Hi all. Hope everyone having a great week!

This week’s post is about identity and image.

Identity

Identity can be used for many things from identifying who a person is, yourself and even an object etc. In my case I’m talking about how you identify... well you. Gender is also how you identify yourself.

Gender Identity

This is for me complicated as it brings so many things and many words to describe how people identify themselves.

Transgender – This is the most common and many documentaries have been made about people that are transgender, the basic is someone that is born as male or female and does not identify as that gender role, and will mostly transition to the opposite gender so the body will match the gender they see themselves and feel. Please note: Not every transgender person will have the full SRS (Sexual reassignment surgery) and that is just keeping simple.

Bi-Gender – A person who fluctuates between men and women genders-based behaviours and identities. Which will identify as both genders (sometimes as a third gender Androgynous) Bi-Gender is under the Transgender Umbrella.

Genderfluid - Gender Fluid is a gender identity best described as a dynamic mix of boy and girl. A person who is Gender Fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel more boy some days, and more girl other days. Being Gender Fluid has nothing to do with which set of genitalia one has, nor their sexual orientation.

There are more but again I like to keep things simple because it will make many peoples brain boil and then die… Okay not like that but it keep confusion down.

Bi-Gender

Bi-Gender is hard for me to understand even though I’m Bi-Gender myself. The reason for this is because the people I've spoken to are different. Some have gone on to discover that they are transgender and have gone on to live as the opposite gender. sexuality changes with some people that are Bi-Gender but not all, so for me it won’t change I will always be attracted to women no matter what gender I present. Some people’s personality will change when they’re presenting as the opposite gender again for me it doesn't… I think as I've never been out that many times as female, I tend to drink more alcohol as female though. There are many things with people who are Bi-Gender that can change but for most people that I've spoken to it’s mainly appearance and mannerisms.

Image

When I realised that I was Bi-Gender and decided that I wanted to embrace it rather than fight it and become miserable and crazy as it started to take me… Like really. It started to send me out my mind and I didn't want to go to a place mentally where I was a few years ago. Anyway when you start out you have nothing and it takes ages to get the image you see yourself, from makeup and clothes.

I suppose it’s down to influences also which depends on your appearance. For me it started out as a rocker style girl. I listened to heavier metal, more brutal music. I also had the leather jackets the makeup was quite dark, and clothes was dark and band influenced, plus the people I was speaking to at that at the beginning was gothic so I suppose they had a massive influence on me.

As my journey continued I started to take trips to Manchester and Liverpool for inspiration as the gothic look just wasn't working for me. I started to take mental notes at what other women was wearing and when I got home I would start browsing online stores which I soon started to build a collection of what clothes I wanted… They all sold out by the time I wanted to buy them :’(

I had to then think about alternative styles to the clothes that I wanted in case they would sell out or in my case if they didn't have it in my size. So that is where the Primania (Primark’s website), Twitter came in.

Primania

Primania is a section on Primark’s website where people (around Europe mainly) post pictures of what they were wearing and bought from Primark. Its awesome for finding inspiration for outfits, not only do people post their outfit but sometimes they will post other items that they’re wearing from other stores with prices also. One of the best features of this part is it will ask you “Where did you wear this?” People that have submitted their picture will normally say where they was.  Most are like for dinner with friends or at university etc, but you do get a good few people that are fashion students or love fashion and have blogs just on fashion and will post a link to their blogs, so this is a great way to look into fashion.

With other Items Listed

Twitter

Shops and blogs

Yes twitter is awesome for finding fashion tips, cloth shops, peoples fashion blogs, sales that aren't advertised etc. How did I find this out? By searching by search one single item of clothing. I was looking for styles for boots which I put in the search bar on Twitter, and you get the picture section and you can see people posting picture from a night out etc and you can see what they was wearing with the boots. As long as they mention it (doesn’t have to be a hashtag) you will find them. Also Shops will post picture of that item of clothing also, which is where I found my suede over the knee boots because Pink Boutique posted. You will get Fashion websites also posting “what to wear with…” or “How to wear…” So for me I would see “What to wear with boots” or How to wear boots” etc and the websites will list the dresses, pants and skirts for example.

I will warn you there are pros and cons to it and you will have access to everything doing this method on Twitter, but when I say you have access to everything on Twitter I mean it. Depending on what you put in the search bar will depend on the results and what people you get. Boots which is what I started to put in and research on what to wear with it and what styles there. Unfortunately people see boots as a fetish and you will get women that do sex type web chats for desperate pervy men and will advertise what they’re wearing, some will just post links to the websites, some post pictures… Might work for you if you want to sex it up for your partner I suppose haha, but my point is whatever you search be prepared.

River Island (what I’m Wearing)

River Island have started doing something similar to Primark’s Primania but is more involved on social media using Twitter and Instagram, where you put #WHATIMWEARINGRI

I don’t think it’s as good as Primania but it’s a start. I think River Island’s strong part is when you’re on their site and on an item on the right side it has a section which says “looks good with” and will put other items of clothing that will go with the item you’re looking at.

Apps

Fashionfreax app

If you look hard enough you can find great apps that are out there for fashion. When I’m out and about as I have an IPhone I use an app called “Fashionfreax” It’s like Primania but a social network related to cloths. Add people, comment on people’s outfits, makeup and accessories and you can also post outfits of your own as well.

Fashionfreax app clothes listing

Other places to look (what I’ve not used but know about)

Pinterest – I’ve never really used this but you can post or see what people have pined what styles they like and doesn’t have to do with fashion.

https://uk.pinterest.com/

Bloglovin - Follow your favourite blogs with Bloglovin. Discover what's best in Fashion, Beauty, Lifestyle & more. Sign up or login today & never miss a single post!

https://www.bloglovin.com/

Ebay – If you search for an item of clothing some users put together a portfolio of what they think looks good/or is good. It will have links to the product you want also if you like it or want to more.

http://www.ebay.com

http://www.ebay.co.uk

Physical Image

Image isn't just about clothes, it is also about the shape of your body, and facial features. For me as I’m biologically a male so I don’t have female characteristics such as breasts being the big thing. At first I got a well-padded bra it worked for a short while but it didn't make me feel like the women I saw in my head, so I had to buy breast foams which mine for all my pictures are A cups. At the starting stage I was thinking start small and lay the foundations of how I looked, not going to big on everything, not spending loads of money and thinking why did I buy them. Starting out trying to build your image. I supposes how you look from you body to makeup and clothing its down to trial and error. After taking pictures of how I looked I soon saw that my breast foams wasn't suiting my frame and needed to go bigger, which I have and now have C cups. The journey is never ending and I'm still looking into altering many things and I've noticed it changes with the seasons and will forever be an ongoing process.

Hey everyone.

This is my first year anniversary of realising that I'm Bi-Gender and decided to take the big leap to learn and discover more about myself. Not only that on the 9th April 2014 was not just the day I decided to take the leap I also came out to a very close co-worker. Which not only went positive but within a month all my store knew about it and the results was positive, which only gave me the strength to do more, learn more and able to push myself more than I ever have in my life.

First 12 months in a nutshell;

1. Came out to my first person
2. Came out to brother
3. Came out to father
4. Came out to a close friend
5. Presented female for the first time to that close friend and went out (all the above within my first month)
6. Went out on my own as female (okay it was early hours of the morning)
7. Went out in public for the first time (Blackpool)
8. Came out at my new work place to the Managing Director of my new work place (Complete acceptance)
9. Came out on Facebook
10. Presented as female and meet up with a massive group of friends at the pub round the corner from where I lived.
11. Presented female at my closest friends house
12. Stopped two idiots from discriminating me 
13. Most if not all my work place know and had mainly support.

I admit I do go on about it too many times especially Blackpool, but I have to be honest I'm proud of my achievements and how many I've done in such a short time. It makes me feel so lucky that I have been able to do what I have as I know friends around the world that hasn't been able to, due to where they live. Which has been due to their background, where they live and religious issues etc. It makes me feel so happy that I've had the support and was able to over come two people that bullied to me.

My only big thing to face me is going out during the day as female. I can't just be shying away from buying clothes, make-up and other things online. 

Changes

From my first picture to now loads if not everything has changed, and to be honest I think for the better. 

Changes in my face
(left the oldest to right the latest)

Changes on a whole (Attire);

 One of the first pictures (was my Bushido gear)

 Jeans, hoodie, snood (River Island), boots (New Look)

Blackpool

 Leather jacket, jeans and boots (under the jeans)

 Black skater dress and over the knee boots

 

 Dress Same as above with Knee boots (from JustFab)

 At Christmas before I went to the pub 

I played it safe Long sweater jeans and ankle boots (new look)

My last outing a couple of months ago outing was at night

Long parka coat, jeans and ankle boots

This was taken last week and seemed to be loved by my friends

 black Lace dress, tights and suede over the knee boots

(Boots from Pink boutique, you can find this style everywhere)

Overall I think I've changed for the better, and I'm sure I will achieve more and more. This year has been a dream as I managed to discover more about myself, about other people and how good people have been. From me now respecting my brother more as I'm sure if anyone knew me before this they will say I used to hate him and I think he knew also... yeah really I did. Now I respect him loads for the support hes has given and how he has changed from being a prick to a douche bag.

For all the people that has supported me...

Love you loads
xx

First of all I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend.

One Year On 
This Easter not only am I off for the holiday, but I'm off for the entire week (6th-12th April) this is also a massive week for me as it has been a full year since I found out that I was Bi-Gender. 9th April is the date where I also came out to a close work friend when I decide to start my journey of learning about what Bi-Gender really was. I also needed to find out more about me.

(My first ever picture April 2014)

I'm a type of person that likes to discover things and learn quickly. Sitting back in denial is something that brings on negative feelings and then comes depression which is something I don't want to suffer from. I've been in dark places mentally in the past where I wasn't the best person to be around, moody, violent, negative and to come back without the use of professional help and drugs which I refuse to consume, it takes some doing and I wasn't going to go back to that place.

Where everything started to advance in looks and attitude

As soon as I knew I came out to a good work friend and it went well, within hours and days my whole store knew, maybe not the whole truth as Chinese whispers and all but all was soon corrected and the support was just brilliant. Within a month I was out to close friends and also to my brother and father, which surprised me as I thought of them both as assholes which I'm sure they knew at the time which has now changed, and I respect them them loads even though I may not show it to them both. Also within that first month I presented female to one of my closest friends and went out for a drive so stepping out in the big wide world as female within one month.

I'm not the sort of person to like myself but I liked this

A couple of months later I presented female to my Dad for the first time which went awesome, I didn't say much when I presented female or even when I was with my friend. It's all about doing it more and more till you get more comfortable with the person you're with till you begin to be your self. Now I don't hesitate when my Dad's in the house I just do as I feel.

This was just before I presented to my Dad and another picture I liked

In June I decided to take a big step when I was working at McDonald's I decided to speck to Human Resources about being Bi-Gender which they have never heard of and soon was the talk of the department according to the operations consultant, One day I walked into where I worked before my shift he came straight over to me and started to talk to me, which I had to tell him that I was leaving as I've got a new job. Which was sad as it could of been big for McDonald's and could of started a campaign off within the company. Even at my new job now people know and there are so many people that support me.

On my birthday I felt I wanted to try something different.

In September I came out on Facebook on my male profile to get loads of supportive messages, then a couple of days later to go out close in the public in Blackpool with my closest friend, which he was very encouraging telling me to lift my head up as I spent most of it looking at the floor but I generally do that as male. The only reason I was out in Blackpool as I needed to toilet and had to use the females.

Blackpool

I think the biggest achievement happen on Christmas Eve, I got invited for drinks with everyone I used to work with at McDonald's. I decided not to fight my feelings at the time and went as female. This was the first time I've been around so many people that I know and all where supportive which was the reason why I did it as we was in a big group so no one would bother us anyway, plus I was wasted before I got to the pub due to waiting on my friend. The males that was there was awesome I didn't get any handshakes, I got hugs which was awesome, I got treated as female which will be a night I will never forget.

Christmas Eve 2014 I was wasted

With so many things done in one year which has flown by. I said at first when I found out that I was scared what would happen and now I'm petrified after all the stuff I've done, and the transformation along the way, how much in fashion has changed and I think for the better, the improvement of make-up. All this makes me think. What has this next 12 month going to be like? Will I end up staying female? If so will HRT happen? So many questions and it really bothers me as the journey continues. I've still yet to go out in the day as female, I'm still yet to wake up and have a wash to then get ready as female.

How I've changed in 12 months

Am I still scared?

Absolutely, but I would never have got this far if it wasn't for the support that I've received so to everyone that knows me.

Thank You
xx

These last few weeks have been awful when it comes to who I am, by that I mean suffering from Gender Dysphoria. I've wrote a post previously about Gender Dysphoria but it mostly contained facts and information, I also spoke about experiencing it, but after these last few weeks that was nothing compared to what I went through recently, that was just a warning sign to say this shits is going to get worse.

Anyone that is transgender, Bi-Gender  etc will defiantly tell you it aint something that is good in anyway. People experience Gender Dysphoria in different ways but most will be feeling uncomfortable in how they're pertaining their gender at the time, the clothes they're wearing. This feeling is extremely unpleasant, seeing posts on forums and with myself you just want to cry so much.  Which is what I've been feeling for around 2 weeks.  (This week 16th-22nd) I've never felt so extremely uncomfortable in... Well me. I didn't feel like me I didn't want to be me (presenting as male and having the whole male experience) it was a nightmare and it lasted for around 2 weeks and a day. The feeling that you don't belong in the body your in having male organs wearing clothes feeling naked with the skin, doing masculine things really affected in how I was thinking and whilst at work it made it extremely difficult. I couldn't think straight, I made so many mistakes luckily only little things that wouldn't affect anything.

No matter how hard I tried to concentrate it just became an argument which makes you feel extraneous to the gender that is just incompatible to what sex you are. On one of the days it got that bad I had to take my dinner hour away from my work premises where no one was around and just cried I just needed to let it all out. I just came to that point where I couldn't hold in how I felt, how uncomfortable I felt in being me. I work in a place where you can't go anywhere that other people don't go. Sure people would come up to me and try and console me try to understand but they won't feel what you're going through and sometimes being away from other people is the best way to let it out, and sometimes come back feel better... Yeah it didn't work it just kicked off again. It was frustrating for me as I would be trying to do my work and it would look like I had Tourette syndrome or something as I kept flicking my head doing little short movements, making short quiet noises which was me trying to hold in the tears from being so uncomfortable, It really is the worst feeling I've ever had. Crying is something that I don't do. Apart from being angry occasionally happy no other emotion really exists. 

Anyways during the weekends I had no bother I can only imaging that is down to having the freedom to be which gender I feel more strongly. During two weekends (14th-15th Mar and 21st-22nd Mar) apart from football and being at my Mum's on the 15th March I spent them mainly as female. Which was kind of convenient as I just bought a contouring kit which I spent the time also learning to use whilst I was presenting female over both weekends.

For this look

This is the first time I've use the contour kit, Don't think it made any difference to light and dark but I feel that it looks better than using just foundation, powered blush and powered bronzer, took about two hours to do, using a tiny amount of foundation, small amount of powered bronzer and blush. lining my lips with black eye liner blending it in with 3 colour lipsticks (pink, purple and red) topping it off with gold shine lip gloss.

Eye liner for eyes and mascara. 

This Monday (23rd that has passed) has been the only time this week where I've felt any dysphoria and the rest of the week has been as normal as my weeks go. Even though Monday was my only day that I felt the dysphoria it doesn't mean that I stopped thinking about it. I'm thinking even as I write this post "Do I need to see my GP"? I don't think my GP will be able to help but refer me to a gender specialist that will provide the information and help in any other way, BUT yes but in caps, my Gender Dysphoria has subsided which I remembering that other Bi-Gender people have/had experienced dysphoria that lasted for weeks and stopping. Like mine has. I have booked a week off work soon so I've decided that I will make a decision for then if the dysphoria comes back, as I have the time to go to my GP and see from there without work hours interfering. I suppose another reason why I'm putting it off is if I do see someone it will be the case where the gender specialist might turn round and say you're transgender and in total denial about it? I don't really know. I suppose I need to ask myself that but as of now my answer is no and I don't feel that i'm in the wrong body all of the time. I'm presenting as female more, but it that not down to me being more comfortable in who I am? Or could it be that I'm just slowly coming to terms that I was always meant to be female?

Over the past few months I've spent more money on my female side than my male side, clothes make-up, footwear. I've now started to make wishlist which is something I've never done as male. It's coming up to my first year since find out about being Bi-Gender and one year really isn't enough for me to say "I'm a women in a mans body." maybe next year or the year after that, who knows the big question that will has been in my mind pretty much since day one has been Who am I?

Hey guys.

Sorry for the late post been extremely busy, on my week off I didn't really achieve anything, as I was just extremely tired and spent most of it in bed. I did present female twice but didn't go out. Last week we had a snow storm and I love snow. Where I lived snow isn't something that happens a lot and even when it does it's bad and not worth me getting ready and for the snow to stop and not stick to the ground, it happened and I went out.

(I wore this outfit but with Black Leggings with the attached skirt and a chocolate coloured long parka coat)

 As the snow stopped and a little of rain kicked in which I made me mad and I decided to head back I walk about five minutes away from my house from the park where I was. When I got in the rain stopped and I decided to get ready for bed when I looked out of the window and the snow was coming down again... Gutted

The topic for this week is mainly about being able to have a masculine appearance and a feminine appearance which is a massive struggle and I'm still learning even now and will be forever on going. This subject has pretty much popped up in most or if not every post I've done but in small amounts particularly when I did a post about shaving.

Best Of Both: Shaving
Body hair was something that apart from my chest that never really bothered me as you see girls with hairy arms which is what was on most of my earlier pictures, I took me around six months to decide to go down the route of shaving my chest being the main thing as it stopped me from wearing dress as they mainly come down to show some form of cleavage... Luckily for me none of my clothes go that far but far enough to see if you had chest hair. Being Bi-Gender at the time scared the hell out of me as I never knew enough about it and with the momentum that it was gathering from the support I never knew what was next and shaving was something that really shit me up as most of my friend would say before they knew about my female side was that I was a very masculine person from the gym, gaming, sports and the way I looked with the body hair. I was rich in the stuff not to the extreme but enough. So shaving was a big deal as I always felt for me men that shave was either homosexuals, Body Builders and guys that think there gods gift to women. (yes as a male before I found out about Bi-Gender I was childish and a pure dick)

During the summer after I found out I was Bi-Gender a couple of lads that I worked with was talking about shaving and how it's the thing now with lads as women now don't like hairy men anymore. At the time it didn't affect me but after I went out as female I noticed all the hair and felt sick, So a week later I thought if i'm going to go out more as female i'm going have to start shaving and it hit me when the two lads that I worked with that spoke about it so after thinking I went a head with it an no one at work noticed my arms with no hair. So the result ending in keeping my appearance where I have the best of both.

Best Of Both: The Body

The Body is something that I'm concentrating on next. I'm over wight by about 1 maybe 2 stone, Although I've lost body weight I would like to be lower, maybe around the 11st/10st. The place where I work has a fitness instructor and I've decided to go to her about my diet, which wasn't unhealthy but not enough, so I had to look into changing that and a change to a couple of things. The diet starts this month for me and I will make a big push to lose weight. Body mass is falling off me which I've noticed with the fact that I've had to wear a belt to stop my pants from falling down and my female clothes are becoming baggy.

Best Of Both: Voice

One thing that I'm looking into is training my voice to be more feminine but it's the biggest thing that scares me... In fact it petrifies me. It's a thing that I know I have to do but when searching on Youtube and other sites for training videos there has been no videos done by anyone that is Bi-Gender they've only been done by transgender people.

Why does this scare me?
It scares me because of they find it hard to talk in their male voice, I know they mainly talk as female full time so eventually after talking in the female voice they trained it will be hard to get back to the lower pitch they talk. I know that this won't be the case for me at the moment but I feel if I practice for so long I think I will I lose my male voice or it will sound campy and not as it is now. I don't like the sound of my voice on a mic but it's my voice, but I know it has to be done.

Updates

Since I've had my week off which I was supposed to do a couple of posts I've been very busy not having much time at all with the hours I work and other things that has popped up at the last minute. I've done a few things since my last post as it hasn't all been all work and no play. I've started a new hobby with Warhammer (Fantasy) it's a hobby I've wanted to start doing for a few years but after one of my friends has been playing it I had to. Which after buying a starter pack with loads of modals which comes with glue, paint etc I've only started to paint and within 3 weeks I don't have a modal finished and yet to play a game.hopefully in a week I will have at least one modal finished I supposed changing my mind on colour is a big factor. I go to the Games Workshop regular after work now on a Fridays now, and I have spoke to the shop manager and spoke about being Bi-Gender as on the Friday when I was there I didn't feel masculine at all and felt extremely uncomfortable in the clothes I was wearing and how I was presenting so I felt I had to tell him for the future, and as I was going to the shop the next day who knows I could of presented as female.

(Modals I'm doing not finished yet and the colour has changed)

Last Saturday  (7th Feb) I went to watch my first Ice Hockey game to watch the Sheffield Steelers with my friend that I play Warhammer with. He knows about my female side and has seen me as female when I was out on Christmas eve, but we never spoke to each other that night. I was feeling extremely feminine but I thought to myself I didn't want to do something so that was big with someone that I haven't really spoke to as my female side and didn't want it to make him feel uncomfortable. We've talked about it and I've said if I see you the next day etc would it bother you if I presented as female which he's "like yeah it's fine" which for me hasn't happened yet but will do soon. We are planning going to another game next month and hopefully I will bring my closest friend with me (Ainsley) which has been out around the public with me as female and will help with getting rid of any awkwardness that might arise at any point, I doubt it will happen but I like to be prepared.

Anyways I didn't present as female but I went in my male skin which for the whole day I felt extremely uncomfortable as I hate wearing male jeans as their to heavy and thick for me, I only wear them when I'm going to cities or going out somewhere that doesn't require a suit but needs to be more dressed up that trackies. When we got to the Motorsport Arena in Sheffield I noticed for such a manly/masculine sport it was attended by loads of females which made me feel worse in regards to how I was presenting and felt as which gender I was presenting. we sat next to the glass and at both sides and behind of me and my friend we was sat next to women. I couldn't believe how many women watched this sport and I loved it. The Steelers went on to win 4-2 against the Nottingham Panthers which was well attended. I'm planning on going to watch the Steelers again on the 7th March against Belfast hopefully I will have Ainsley with me and if it triggers I shall be presenting female.

(Snakes Pass Pennines Lancashire and Yorkshire)

I found that picture on my phone which was while we was on a road called Snakes Pass. Its a mountain pass that gives you great views for miles around and a view of Manchester on a clear day also. It's the first time I've been there normally if I'm going to Yorkshire it's normally the motorway.

Me just before I wrote this post... Hi :)