Hey all!

Sorry for the lack of content on here main reason is due to being very exhausted due to work mainly. From the 21^st February, I will have my first break from being in my new job which I started 16^th September which mean working for 5 months straight from when I was ill and still being sick as well as I wasn't steady on my feet still. So yeah I'm extremely tired.

This year I said that “This is the Year were big things will happen.” And it has. I've now been to work as female and have now been to town this week as female but I shall be writing separate posts about them as there is more than just doing them.

Left: In work. Right: In my home town for the first time.

Anyway onto my main topic of this post.

Jeremy Clackson

This week one person known mainly in the UK has hit the headlines on his controversial comments on someone that is transgender and an attack on the Trans* community itself. That person is called Jeremy Clackson.

Yes when it comes to controversy he is the man for it. He’s been in the media loads for his comments, from what Muslims wear under their burkas, to truck drivers murdering prostitutes and also calling Gordon Brown a “one eyed Scottish idiot.” I forgot the racist remarks on Top Gear. Yes many people love him and many people despise him.

What was written?

In the Sunday Times newspaper in a column he wrote “parents who indulge the whims of children wanting gender reassignment are living lunatic lives".

"We must now all turn our attention to the plight of people who want to change their name from Stan to Loretta. As far as I was concerned, men who want to be women were only really to be found on the internet or in the seedier bits of Bangkok."

He took specific aim at parents of Trans* children, saying that they were “poisoning the minds of their kids by indulging them”.

My thoughts

Okay these comments are vexatious and it’s sad really as I like Clarkson I really do, I think he’s funny, I loved him in Top Gear. I like his documentaries that he has done also.

The thing about Jeremy’s comments is that he’s trying to be funny… Or jest being a stereotype and I'm kind of like that myself but nowhere near as offensive. I really don’t care what people say whether it’s Caitlyn Jenner, or Ricky Gervais for that matter as people that say stuff like isn't worth my time thinking about or worrying about. I don’t know any of them so why should I care.  

 left: Caitlyn Jenner Right: Ricky Gervais

Why do I not care?

That is purely because I’m proud of who I am. I have the support off loads of people, I feel well loved and liked. I’m allowed to be who I am. So why should I let someone I don’t care about piss me off?

Will I scrap watching Jeremy’s new show?

Hell no. I like cars, I Like Jeremy on the camera, he knows how to keep people interested, he’s funny and when he talks about cars and about how people should drive etc I feel he’s pretty much spot on. I generally find him interesting.

The petitions

Yes like most things now it’s like being sued, you can be sued for anything these days. Now you can petitions for everything these days, which has happened with Clackson and it’s doing my head in general with all these petitions. Soon as someone says something someone doesn’t like Petition to get them sacked, or removed. Getting a petition to get someone sacked nowadays doesn’t work. It wouldn't surprise me if that is a reason Amazon wanted him on board. The reason is that it will bring in numbers for Amazon prime, people that hate him will watch it on purpose to see if he slips up. To Amazon that means more subscribers, and will end up as a main hashtag on twitter. Will I sign this petition? Nope I'm not wasting my time and energy on him to get a buzz out of it.

I agree with what James May said about Jeremy “The man is a knob… But I quite like him.” I agree 100%. Just because the guy has said something about the Trans* people and about their parents doesn't mean I will stop watching him because I don’t give fuck. Jeremy doesn’t have a clue. My dad doesn't encourage me if anything he advises me not to do things when presenting female but he’s only looking out for me if something goes wrong, but what if I transition then I will be doing it every day for the rest of my life.

Anyway the point is my Dad didn't do anything I made the decision myself on how I felt, and I feel sorry for Clarkson as he really is an uncultured, uneducated fat prick from Yorkshire. That my friends is how I see him, how can I let someone that is uneducated on Trans* people bother me.

Peace out.

Hey all!

I Hope everyone had a great Christmas and a fab New Year!

This post is I supposed long overdue but I decided to leave as long as possible. The thing is with me is that I’ve never been out where there are loads of people as female except on the Christmas eve last year and it was magical and I will never forget the awesome people that was there, since then it’s been mainly on my own or with my friends that I’m close to or my dad and that is it, so it never hit me until I went out with my work colleagues from the new job I’ve been in for the last 3 months. As we know in August I wasn’t well, lost my job, lost weight etc and I had to look for a new job even though I was still unfit to work.

After working at my work place for such a short time I felt that I was working with good people and I came out to them, they was supportive understanding also they asked questions and still do sometimes which I love. I love when people question me as I get the chance to tell them how it affects me and how it affects other people. I see it as I’m educating them about the whole gender issue. Most people have heard of Transgender, crossdressers, transvestites and drag queens but with most people never heard of Bi-Gender, so this is a great opportunity for me to tell them about it if they wanted to know. About two weeks before the crew Christmas outing I came out to my boss and asked would she have an issue if I went to the crew do as female which she didn’t have a problem.

The people I work with for me are that awesome when it came to the crew do recently I decided not fight how I felt who I was at the time so I decided to go as female, and it was awesome I was treated as female and it was fun to go out to my first what I think formal event as female. I never told my boss my name as female which was totally my mistake but when she called me by my male name she was corrected not by me but my colleagues and to be honest I don’t really want to call them colleagues I will just awesome people hopefully down the line… friends.

Anyway, I had a great time and I achieved so much such as I ordered my first drink as female, I went to my first meal as female at a restaurant. The first time I’ve presented as female to people that I currently work with, which I think is huge, the last time I went out where there was loads of people where I interacted with was last year on Christmas Eve almost a year In between. I took a few pictures but due to night out being work related I feel it won’t be the best to post pictures of me with other people in case they clash with work but I have got pictures of just me on the night.

I would like to thank the awesome people I work with for your support and understand and making my night out amazing it was great I was allowed to be who I want to be and not out trapped feeling uncomfortable.

At The Fat Olive Restaurant 

Pronouns

Right onto what the post is about which is pronouns. They can be used to talk about someone’s gender (and much more, but talking gender wise)

*Big tip: if you’re not sure what to call someone ASK*

A Trans* person should not get offend if you ask, people that I’ve spoken to would rather you ask if you’re unsure. If you should make a mistake just apologise and move on it happens.

Male	Female
His	Hers
Him	her
he	she
Himself	herself

There are more but as basics these are the ones to uses. You should call the person and treat the person you’re talking to as there presenting. This for me isn’t out of respect as for me it has to be earned and it’s about giving courtesy treating them as human being. I don’t want to be treated special if I’m present as female and I don’t want to be treated differently also, I just want to be treated like a normal girl because that’s what I am.

Pronouns was never important to me as I never went out, it was mainly just me and the cat or me and my Dad or me and one of my friends. So pronouns don’t get used really. When I was out with my awesome people from work they used them correctly, and I think they had fun correcting each other for mistakes that was made from others also. I doesn’t offend me that people call me by my male name or female name or get the pronouns wrong as I don’t present as female to people really that I don’t know very well, but I don’t ask people to respect me either I want people to treat me as they want to be treated regardless of gender, and I don’t expect people to just straight away adapt and start to call me by my female name (Sarah) and use the correct pronouns. I know some people that are Trans* go mental and for me that’s wrong you have to let people adapt to the change before you say anything. For me I like them to be comfortable around me first and getting mad over something small isn’t going to help.

On my Christmas night out being called Sarah and with the right pronouns that was used I felt great because I was being treated as a girl, when I heard people shouting Sarah it was actually weird in a great way because I don’t hear the name coming from other people. The only time I hear it is when people are talking to me as male in 3^rd person, asking me questions like: “does Sarah like this? Does Sarah like that? So hearing that was weird and I loved it. So I’m sure if you treat a Trans* person like that with the right pronouns and names you will make their day and bring a smile on their face as it did with me.

Thanks for reading

Sarah

xx

Hi All!

I would like to wish everyone Happy New Year.

I would like to thank everyone that supported me and coming back to this blog throughout 2015 and also since I started. Last year wasn't the best of years but wasn't the worst. I went through feeling normal for a few of months and also managed to lose weight. For the first time I presented to people I work with on a staff outing and also ordered my first drink as female by myself. When I had a break from my gender switching I felt I came back stronger and better, not to where I feel the best as I'm still recovering from my vertigo and sickness, mainly I need to rest which I've not done and I need to start to eat better.

This year I'm not going to make any resolutions but I'm going to do what makes me happy. I want to expand this blog, meet new people and go out more as female. They're my goals overall not just for the year as I will not force myself to doing something I don't feel up to.

For the First time entering the New Year as female.

I would like to say I will be changing my hair again which will I hopefully post this month.

Be hated for who you are not loved for someone you're not.

Have a great year.

Sarah

xx

Versailles Are Back

Hey all,

This post is a side bar from my upcoming posts and my post “Music Part 2.” Is long over due.

Today before noon Versailles UK street team posted a video from youtube and a quote “Our clan's blood will nonstop forever.” With the Youtube video.

Are they really getting back together?

As many people that know me Versailles are my all-time favourite band. I’ve seen them live and was lucky to meet them, and I also got the chance to show them my tattoo, which was 2^nd October 2011. It’s was priceless, but in 2012 they announced that they was going on hiatus at the end of the year, which really hurt me as before I heard their music I wasn’t in a great place mentally. I was always depressed, wasn’t having a great home life and having the worst time at work. I also became aggressive not really to people but I was hitting walls, metal cabinets so I probably imagine I wasn’t great to be around at that time also.

That’s where Versailles came in when I found them. My first song I heard off them was called Zombie which I fell in love with and over time I started to listen to their music. I couldn’t understand the lyrics apart from the few songs they did sing in English as the rest was in Japanese, but you could sense what the music was about without translating the lyrics. I felt warm, happy and chilled and soon I slowly started to feel better mentally, but had that other help when I started to study Bushido.

 Zombie

I felt motivated by their music and they was regularly blasted out of my headphones everyday walking to work or in my house (I rarely listen to music through speakers, it’s something I find personal and listen to it full blast through my headphones)

Even after they broke up 3 years ago I still listen to them loads, they are also the only band where I have bought all their music hard copy and bought their tour collections. The last concert they did I spent over £100 which I got a hand signed pamphlet. Since then it’s all been about following them on twitter, Facebook, Teru’s blog and other social media formats. I’ve never given up hope for them to get back. I knew that they would at some point they would, as they’ve been a part of each other’s concerts and I think Teru, Hizaki, Yuki and Masashi recorded with Kamijo in some of his solo work. I know Masashi toured with Kamijo. I know he was on Kamijo’s European tour which I should have gone to watch when he was in London.  

My Favourite song "The Lovers"

Last month Jupiter’s website announced that Yuki and Masashi was leaving the band and will play their last concert next April 2016, with both saying they want to continue and expand on their work as bass and drummer. That kind of hit me thinking… “This must be a sign that Versailles are getting back together.”

Then I get the news on Versailles. Is this great news to end what was a crappy year?

We will have to wait till 28^th December 2015. I will probably have another post on this when it gets announced haha.

If I don’t post anything before 25^th December I wish you all a Merry Christmas. For my main present I suppose I will have to wait till the 28^th J

I thought I would leave this till last as it's one of Versailles best videos R.I.P Jasmine Yuu

Jasmine Yuu

This week has not been the best week when it comes to Caitlyn Jenner and my friends has once again asked me on my thoughts.

So here we go.

Last week Caitlyn had an interview with a TIME where she came seventh on the "Time's Person Of The Year" and in an interview she said about image.

"One thing that has always been important for me, and it may seem very self-absorbed or whatever, is first of all your presentation of who you are. I think it's much easier for a trans woman or a trans man who authentically kind of looks and plays the role. So what I call my presentation. I try to take that seriously. I think it puts people at ease. If you're out there and, to be honest with you, if you look like a man in a dress, it makes people uncomfortable. So the first thing I can do is try to present myself well. I want to dress well. I want to look good. When I go out, as Kim says, you've got to rock it because the paparazzi will be there. The second thing I want to do in living my life authentically is be intelligent on the subject. Hopefully as time goes on I'll learn more and more and more and get better at that."

Which is very controversial as many people and bloggers and the press interpreted it to what I think in the wrong way. In basic terms: If your a male transitioning to female and you look masculine it will make people feel uncomfortable of you. In other articles online she said it makes you less of a role model because you don't look female.

In the last couple of days she has made a public apology stating she was talking about herself and that is not what she meant, some people are convinced some people aren't. Again I can see more sides to it all.

My View

Regards to the statement I can see many views, I feel that yeah if you don't look biological it will make some people uncomfortable. It's a known fact that people are uncomfortable around issues they are uneducated about. With some people it scares them and some people discriminate.

I feel that image is important but to ones self, so I always try to look my best when presenting as female. I don't present female loads as I don't feel female all the time but when I do it's for me and no one else. If people think that I pass as female great if not I don't give a rats ass.
Anyway after the apology I saw people saying yeah we jumped the gun but the thing that annoyed me was seeing people say along the lines of "She's learning."

Really?

Learning what? I don't understand how needs to learn what to say and what not to say and claim to be this advocate? I feel if you want to be someone that does loads of talking, an advocate or this person that is going to be the big push etc you need to use common sense. I feel she should of said "I like to look good." Because how many women don't make an effort to look good?  For me I felt she was pretty much being vein and saying "I'm gorgeous." We all can't go and get expensive treatments, plastic surgery and pay for expensive makeup or have makeup artists to do it for us. Whether if people are living as female or in my case Bi-Gender we have to learn the hard way. That is hard work. I took me over a year to feel how I feel about my image and feel confident.

I also think when it comes to Caitlyn, people who are trans are jealous, because she has the money, the name etc to do what she wants in a faster time than what they can. HRT is costly depending where you are, I know gender therapy sessions can cost around £30 per session/per hour if not more. Not everyone can buy these services to help themselves.

Dianne Sawyer Interview

From an outsiders view, from all the articles I've read and I've not watched I am Cait also. I don't feel she can be an advocate for trans people overall yet, but overall not an advocate for me. I still stick to how I feel when I first found out when she was trans. I still think giving exclusives to Dianne Sawyer then the photo shoot to Vanity Fair etc was a load of bull crap and should of just come out all together or just take a stroll out as female when she was ready etc. I can understand she is a role modal to people, a role modal as in how high she is. Before this whole issue of before she became Caitlyn she was this athlete, well known, well respected etc and to change to this role she's in now it takes guts and courage and for that I can respect her. I just can't see how after less than a year you can go round to schools, do talks the trans community and I feel the way she talks it doesn't make sense to me. I don't care what she thinks about gay marriage, I don't care what she thinks about politics, people need to give her courtesy into what she believes in.
If I was a person as big as her and speaking for the LGBT or the trans community I wouldn't say anything about those situations as they will go against you... As it has done with her.

The cover

Everything I've mention toward her is my opinion and nothing more. I wouldn't like to be her. She has the press with her etc it must be hard but I feel she is glamorizing the trans community and it needs to stop. Being transgender isn't about image, it's about how that person feels about there gender and that it's different to the body he/she etc is in and it doesn't match. It comes with gender dysphoria and it isn't pretty to have and it's where people have killed themselves or self harmed or even both over it. There is so much more than image. Caitlyn said "I want to do in living my life authentically is be intelligent on the subject." But just before that she said "When I go out, as Kim says, you've got to rock it because the paparazzi will be there." I can understand where she's coming from but if she's looking nice is she doing it for herself or the Paparazzi? I feel she has contradicted herself there.

I hope this hasn't offended people, it isn't intended it's just my opinion.

Thanks for reading

This week I came out to my boss about being Bi-Gender and it went really well and I get the feeling that my boss was interest in our brief time talking about it as I was getting ready to leave and she was in a que on hold to someone, just as I was about to show a picture of me presenting as female someone answered so I didn't get my chance to show but I know I would of got my chance the following time we would both be in work... yes I pick my times don't I... 

Anyway everything was good and when I got to where I sign out she saw me and in front of everyone as they knew she asked about the pictures and I was happy to show as everyone had seen them anyway so it was nothing big coming out is like a normal conversation to me now. Like everyone she was shocked at my skills on makeup and how different I look as female. Everything was like how every person reacts to when I come out and show pictures. I do feel free as I don't have to hide anything so I can talk about dresses with work colleagues, makeup, fashion etc. When I'm on my breaks I can talk about it as I like without hush hush when my boss walks in ha ha. 

 

With this you would think I would be happy which I am, but I've now hit a major issue. These last few days I've been feeling down, my gender dysphoria is kicking off big time where the other day I was fighting back tears the whole shift and when I got home just broke down as I was feeling so uncomfortable in my own body. I felt ashamed, I felt repulsive as I was the wrong gender to how I felt nut on top of that and I feel so pressured to go to the meal with work. People are asking me they want to go but are they really asking me? or asking me to go as female? Which I have no control over that. Now I've been given the clear to go how I feel as we will be representing the company I work for. I know 100% that they're great people and I feel intrigued by the whole thing which I'm glad as I can spread the awareness about "Trans/Bi-Gender/Gender Fluid" without ramming it down their throats like a protest. So I feel pressured mainly for myself more than anything. I've been trying so hard for around a year to get the image how I see myself and that I've been told by my friends that the image is good as it is. I'm getting loads of messages of guys who don't even know that I'm biologically male, the dating test where I was biologically female showed it and much more but I'm always thinking there something else and that I won't pass when I'm out. Blackpool is Blackpool, you can get away with virtually anything, not trying to say it's a bad place it's not as to build confidence it's brilliant, but going for a meal with people I don't really know is another thing saying I've only been out with loads of others once really, and I was drunk before I even went out ha ha.

 

I feel that not only this is the only chance to socialize with people outside of work but the best chance to be who I am and that is where the pressure lies the most to be who I want, but only ever had 3 meals presenting as female and only one of them has been where I've been with someone and that was a MacDonald's sat in a car where we went through a drive thru with one of my closest friends that has seen me the most out of any body as female. Once I'm out I'm fine it's just thinking about it and my hair is another thing as we know I have to wear a wig (I really hate using that word) and my wig need a bit of care to it as the ends are a mess, so will that come into play. I don't want to dress the best I can spending probably all day doing my makeup to make sure its the best it's ever been for my hair to be the issue. 

PRESSURE

Saying that was long that isn't the main issue of this post and is completely unrelated... well mainly unrelated.

In the Post topic the word "Aversion" is used which means;

That is related to my male side, the yoyo represents the good and bad, the highs and lows. As male I'm starting to dislike my female side as a person which is wrong. As female I'm the same person but a different skin pretty much but I ask myself as male why do I feel inadequate at things?

So I feel am more confident as female once I'm out of course. I can take loads of photos, I can walk with my head in the air more with pride. I feel more as a person. I started to blog as female and I've done more as female with this blog in just over a year compared to the 4/5 years of going my gaming blog which has come to a halt and I've not written on it since August 2014. Everything I do as female just betters me as male, from looks to what looks like dating and I'm guessing relationships. As in my last post (if I was biologically female and looking for a date) I could have sorted a date out within less than 24 hours of being on a dating website and without even writing anything, and putting 3 pictures up and a location of where I lived. It's getting to me now I was this lonely nobody where not many people would talk to me and it would be hard to make friends. Now since the whole Bi-Gender thing I've got attention but it's not even for me as male or it’s to find out more about us both. The body that I've been one of for over 24 years. Not many people wanted Nick. People are interested more in Sarah. Which I suppose in one way it isn’t bad.  

 Left: male side. Right: female side 

(The left is over 12 months older)

It's not that I'm jealous as male, it's more of “what does Sarah have that people want to talk to on social sites?” She's just a girl, that likes fashion, makeup etc I don't see what people find so fascinating about her. The support people has given has been way more than I've ever thought I would get but I knew though one side would become better than the other. I never thought I would get messages off people from various other site where guys don't read my profile properly and just send me a message of how they like how I look, or where random people will message me and I will get into full conversation about normal things. No one has ever done that to me as male on any of my male profiles on social media sites I’m on. Instagram no one really followed me as male soon as I star posting picture of me as female, Bloggers, brands etc start to follow me and it’s mainly women that follow me. It’s mental how these last few weeks mainly where I’ve lost this weight it really has bumped up everything. I don’t do much on Instagram but I have more followers than I’m following which for me is depressing as again no one wanted to know Nick it all makes me think as male I’m on the naughty seat in the corner all the time and not knowing why.  

Hi all!

It's been a while since I posted anything and its been a rough time that I've been going through, The news on that is that the illness I've had is pretty much gone and I'm turning back to the person I was. The other news is the gender switching is also back... And is back with vengeance.

It was over 3 months where my gender didn't switch it didn't switch where I didn't feel feminine at all, but now my illness has gone my female side wants to play again. It weird as I feel more confident as female more than ever, I've been out twice in a month and another trip to Blackpool with one of my closest friends and for the first time in public wearing a dress and not jeans, which I've only worn twice this year one of them was for a mooch around my estate.

Even though this is sounds positive and all great :) yey go me... It's not.
The uncomfortable feeling of being in the wrong body and not being able to wear my leggings, dresses and boots take it's toll. The worst thing about it all is when it comes to where I need to go back to being male before bed time. I've never really took notice of how I look when I've been taking my make-up off before and on the first night it triggered and I felt feminine for the first time in over 3 months I saw pretty much where I had half of my face with make-up off and make-up on and it was frightening. I saw the two sides of perfection and awful, Truth and lies, real and fake. More importantly beauty and the beast. One side was the make-up I saw beauty not in a vein way as in that side I look stunning but I saw peace and no flaws, no redness in the skin, I saw not spots or anything, it was ivory coloured smooth skin. On the other the beast where redness was where my skin reacted to where long stubble. The redness in general, blackheads and the odd spot. My skin as male doesn't look even as my other side did. I've never really looked at my face before as I was taking make-up off, it was head in a wet wipe and rub it off that way then had a wash using soap to remove the worst of the make-up like the mascara, and eye liner etc but that day it hit me.

Since losing weight and posted my pictures on social sites I'm on the attention I've been getting has been mental. Some has been good some has been the weird pervy people. I can only really take this as a compliment really and not get pissed of with it. I suppose with the attention I've been given I have to think along the lines of "I must be doing something right."

Back To Blackpool

After presenting as female twice I thought I needed to get out and I really wanted to take my River Island boots for a test walk. Luckily my friend was at hand and was willing to drive and wanted to get out all so. He knew that he would be seeing me as female which didn't bother him and he's very supportive of it. We ended up setting off around 9pm only for us to get stuck in a traffic jam due to an accident on the motor way where we was at a standstill for around 45 mins watching youtube videos which made the time past quickly.

We arrived in Blackpool where because of being stuck I needed to go to the loo... A repeat of what happened last year or what?
It was a trip to the ladies room again which unlike last year I wasn't nervous. It was busier and the bathroom had more people in than  last time even little children. Which still didn't bother me It was all about just going to the loo and getting the hell out of there.

Right: Blackpool September 28th 2014

Left: Blackpool November 7th 2015

Blackpool was pretty cold because of the wind I was wearing my black dress from New Look with a leather fur jacket, black leggings and my River Island Smart OTK boots and they was really comfy and looked great with my outfit and I felt like I got everything right from makeup, to the hat and the clothes, I wasn't really cold when the wind wasn't blowing I was just right.

After out small walk we decided to get in the car and drive further up the promenade and I asked to stop and have a few more pictures which I think went well and the picture worked out better.

20% Off Everything At New Look

I got an e-mail during the week for a flash sale at New Look which was 20% of everything for 3 hours, Took to it straight away spending over £50 and could of spent so much more, think when I added everything together it came up to over £100 even with the discount. But I saved less that £20 which I think is a good saving.

The light doesn't do the picture justice but is more lighter red than this.

With the apricot dress and red OTK boots the total savings came to £18.99.

This was my first time was wear a red type dress as there are what some bloggers and makeup artist class as rules to wearing makeup with red dresses. So we're talking about no bright colours for eye shadow, some bloggers have said don't use any for me that that is a no no. The colour recommended are neutral colours, so like blacks, browns, whites, silvers, gold and a pale peach I've seen a few mention. I have all these colours in a pallet but they're away still in my loft, luckily I have a few brown colours when I brought my No.7 makeup bag last year which came in handy as the main colours I have is purple and blacks, which I could of used if I would of spent time with which I couldn't be bothered and wanted to stick with the browns as I haven't used them in a while.

Lipstick, yes I researched what lipstick to use also as I knew it would come in to play, when it comes to red dresses they are a statement and if you apply bright colours you taking the attention away from the dress. Anyway I knew people have worn red lipstick with the red dresses but I thought that look wouldn't be right for me and for my main look with the footwear I wanted my main outfit to feature the red OTK boots which with red lipstick for me is a no no and I'm not wearing a fancy cocktail dress.

I thought I would try my River Island OTK boots and this dress so goes with it, it dress down the boots really well.

I bought some boots on Ebay by Gucci and I love them but they don't fit to well which Means I will have to sell them :(

Dysphoria 

After looking on blog sites it was recommended that pinks, nudes are the best. Red lipstick is for those who can pull it off or who are confident, for me I don't think red lippy works for me so pink was the only colour I wanted plus it dresses the whole outfit down, I wanted a causal look and an outfit that would keep me warm, which this dress does, and with long sleeves it covers up my masculine tattoos and my hairs on my arm because I've not shaven in a couple of weeks as I got a couple of nasty lacerations due to shaving... mainly using the wrong shavers ha ha.

These new looks after a break away where my gender did switch I think has been great, I gave me more time to myself as male but it's let me come back with newer ideas, newer techniques, new ways of being creative with makeup. I've also tried dying my hair which kind of worked twice...Ish.

But the thing with being Bi-Gender is there are bad that outweigh the good, that is the dysphoria that comes with it. The first time I presented female and it came to where I had to go to bed and taking the makeup off started my dysphoria off so bad I broke down into tears. Normally I don't pay attention to my face in the mirror and just pretty much do two step ways of taking of my makeup. They are using baby wipes to wipe off the worst of the makeup and getting the mascara off and eyeliner and then washing my face with warm water and soap. It was when I was using the wet wipes I wiped half of my face and saw a massive difference. I saw my female side and my male side and I saw how difference we was in looks, but then I found perfection come paired to my male side of the skin. Because of the foundation, the creamy contour kit I have, the foundation powder, blusher and bronzer I use I saw not an issue with my skin it look great and the other half was red blotches as in with the dry skin as it normally is and was an uneven colour. it looks a mess and the female side was all beauty and calm, it really got to me how I felt about myself as male and how many flaws that I saw.

Since then I try my best not to look into the mirror as male as I don't want to see this skin and remember how different I looked to when I had makeup. Men are now wearing makeup and I think MAC has launched its makeup for men (not totally sure on that) which I will never do, but I know men do wear foundation and makeup in general now, so I could probs get away with it but I don't want to fall into that as I spend to much on my self as female and just spent £50 on two items of makeup which I will reveal soon.

Thanks for reading

Sarah