Hey guys,

I hope everyone is doing well? This post should have been done a month ago but I've had loads of stuff going on from the good, bad and the ugly. From boozing it up in Birmingham to hitting it hard in the gym it's really kept me busy, but recently I had a thought and I wondered something: When was the last time I spoke about makeup?

Well, it's been over a year since I did which was back in June 2016 and that was for ‘Makeup Part 3’ Guess what! This isn’t part four! but a makeup special! Yes, this post is about the struggle I where I’ve spent stupid amounts of money to hide my stubble and On this post I will take you through the progress from where the results were pish poor to now where I think I’ve cracked it! Hopefully, this will help others that are struggling with the same issue as me and maybe come up with better ideas to cover up their stubble. Even when covering up the stubble shaving regularly with me doesn't go very well. 

Rash back in Jan and Sparkle wasn't far off

The never-ending quest to hide my shadow!

I think until I get laser I will never be happy with my stubble as I will always find a problem but I feel that we always want to achieve that image of ourselves in our heads to be perfect but as trans, I find this the biggest problem not just for me but I can probably for those with dark hair where you can shave and you will still have the shadow. You can put foundation on you still get the stubble showing which is awful as people can see it. This issue can look even worse when you use a foundation without a concealer as it shows up blue when you look carefully at it… Which gets worse through the day... Well for me it does!

I think I’ve spent almost 2 years trying to figure it out how can I prevent this without having laser hair removal? People would say they use red lipstick which does get covered well apparently by the foundation and hides it but I would think with lipstick being pretty thick and oily would never work well on me.

Shaving A Beard To Only Draw It Back On Again???

Yes, that shave/plucking it away to draw it on again (plucking meaning eye brows mainly) is a massive thing for me and I imagine most trans people when it comes to hiding that evil stubble/shadow only to draw it back on again using concealer.

It’s been a massive thing for years and being the noob at makeup that I was… and I feel still am. So, when I first started to realise that I need help to hide that abomination of bum fluff (stubble) growing on my neck and jaw I knew something had to be done about it and that was using concealer. How hard can it be!

Apart from screwing the lippy up I don't think it was to bad

Errr very! It turns out and can cost a lot. It was my first Christmas night out with my work and I had the opportunity to go as female which I’ve never done before, I wasn’t presenting loads back then so time wasn’t on my side to do research so I needed it to really work, from the outfit to the and especially makeup. It was time to up my makeup collection and take it from the stuff on eBay and the oily foundation from Avon (excluding the lippy and contour powder) and in what I understood to be a mid-range in the makeup world. The honour really fell to Max Factor. I got the Max Factor Facefinity Primer, Max Factor Facefinity Foundation, as well as the pressed powder and what seems to be a massive product and, is great and a life saver for me was the Max Factor Pan Stick.

Xmas Night Out

At the time, it was great it went down a treat I felt great and surprised loads of my colleagues and to this day we still talk about that awesome night. It was a month or two down the line when I had the chance to dress and take loads of pictures I noticed it wasn’t getting rid of the shadow at all, but only showing blue.

Why Was This Happening and How To Solve it?

This where I spent months trying to solve this, I was never going to try the lipstick or look on YouTube… stupid mistake. So, I went to work trying to find out how to stop this blue shite from showing. I've always said is if you’re trying out new things is buy low-end makeup first to test if it works well then start to work your way up to the high-end stuff. Which I didn’t and I wasted loads of money doing. (there’s no truth in that it’s just generally how I do it)

Covering Stubble Part 1

So, I went to MAC in Manchester and asked about how to conceal my shadow which I was recommended this;

MAC Studio Conceal and Correct Duo

This is where you get two shades of concealer one dark and one light which after opening it came with a little applicator which looks like the end of lip gloss wand or liquid lipstick wand. Which after trying it took ages to apply and wasn’t an even coverage, but it was too dark for my face so I had to go over it with the lighter shade, I knew straight away it wasn’t for that type of concealing… A nice £20 try out and only to use once. This didn’t blend very well with the Max Factor foundation either and not much difference was made. Fail

Covering Stubble Part 2

 Nyx Full Coverage Cache-Cernes Totale.

Next, I managed to get my hands-on NYX which was my next product which I was recommended to buy and a few people said to go orange. So, I bought NYX’s Nyx Full Coverage Cache-Cernes Totale, which is like a light cream (Not sure of what you call the substance) but it was better than being a liquid and it did cover up my stubble and after I applied my foundation it covered my stubble plus there was no blue either… But it was too good to be true as I hit yet another problem. It mixed with my foundation causing it to go darker. For £6 I think it was a step in the right direction. Still a fail

Covering Stubble Part 3

After the issue and listening to people online with suggesting it was getting harder and harder to find what would work and it took me a few good months to think of what would work, and I came up with the idea of just using a darker colour concealer to cancel out the dark hairs and then go over that with a lighter concealer to stop that mixing in with my foundation????? So, I went back to MAC because I thought it was the holy grail of makeup as so many people I knew used them. I spoke to a makeup artist and I got MAC Studio Finish Concealer ‘NW30’ and MAC Pro Longwear ‘NC20’ (I think) concealer.

These worked wonders but it stopped the shadow and the blue coming through and was amazing and I used this up until February this year (2017) that was until the Kat Von D foundation came which again will be discussed another time. But looking back it did cause my foundation to go Cakey so even though it did cut out the shadow and the blue which did work but it was too much using two concealers. The Pro Longwear was a liquid and the Studio finish was like the NYX one similar to a light cream. Unfortunately, this also caused my foundation to be lighter and heavier. Yet another fail

Covering Stubble Part 4

Okay so I started to see something more positive but I needed to add just as many layers but have them thinner and without affecting my foundation in colour and look heavy, again that came down to MAC with using the same Studio Finish Concealer ‘NW20’ but a lighter colour which I started using around mid-spring time when I dressed the odd time and I think in my first live of this year (2017) in a makeup group I’m in. I can say it worked pretty well it didn’t affect my foundation much either, my skin was able to breathe also. Pass… but still a fail.

Covering Stubble Part 5… Ish

This year I went to sparkle and I don’t think I used the NW20 concealer because of time reasons and it didn’t seem to have an impact on changing the colour of my foundation, so could this be the end of the road for me finding the right concealer to hid the blue? We will find out soon when I try it out more.

People will say well get laser hair surgery then? That’s true but there are other factors with this which will be addressed in a future post as this one is long enough. This is all for this post I will expand on this as soon as I have more info when I try it out.

Thanks for reading and I hope to post soon.

Much love

Sarah

xxx

Bonjour all!

This topic is about "Wish And Cream." It's not a rude as it sounds haha. It's a two-part post talking about the Wish App and some cream I picked up from the Body Shop.

Wish

The Wish App has been gaining popularity these last few months in the UK. I know it has been in the US at least since 2013. I thought I would check it out and see what it was about. After downloading it asking for you to set up and account and all that lah de dah stuff. It then asked you to pick what things you’re interested in, clothes (male/female), types of clothing, gadgets and home stuff... Well, everything really. Then you pick your choices, think you can pick as many as you want. The app will then post deals or items based on what you selected that you want to buy. 

All the stuff is from the east to China and Korea are the only countries I've seen, with most of the items I’ve seen on eBay, but this is better than using eBay when it comes to buying from China and Korea. I’m sure if you’ve bought from China or Korea or maybe both sizes are a pain in the ass. Correct me if I'm wrong but on eBay, you can only see the feedback on the shop as a whole? On the Wish App, you can see more stats from what people have written about that item. For example, if I wanted to buy a dress I can look at the stats if the dress is true to its size or if I need to downsize or go up a size. I can also look what people have written about the shop. Delivery seems to be cheap for clothes I've not seen a P&P for over £2. 

After looking at what the Wish App has to offer I decided to give it a go. I bought a summer dress (£4), some sunglasses (£2) and some gel eyeliner (£5). They all came within 2 weeks. The dress looks great and I've had a good few likes when I posted it on my Facebook page and other social websites I’m on, but as for the quality for £4 (on sale from £11) is low but for starting out trying to get clothes its fine, and light so you won't sweat in the summer heat... If in the UK we actually get any sun.

The sunglasses again just a start as I've never ever worn sunglasses in my life which I suppose is a bad idea. Since going out last summer and looking at what other women were wearing and friends, blogs, and shops etc. The big sunglasses are in now, so I thought I would look for some. I found the ones I wanted on the Wish App for £2 (On sale from £10). I've not been out in them yet as I've never presented as female when the sun has been out or since I got them. I've tried them on to see if they fit. Again the quality is low but why would they feel expensive at its original price? The thing is at the summer stage I'm in they're a start and I think they look great.

The dress I bought off Wish (£4)

The gel eyeliner was something I've been looking at for ages on eBay but the price was around the £10 mark, again the Wish App came to the rescue and for £5 I was never going to say no, they also come with a little brush to apply the gel with. I've not the Eyeliner yet but will post pics when I do.

I would recommend this app for everything and the app always has sales on and notifies you. I love this app and spend so much time adding clothes to my wish list. The app accepts most major debit/credit cards and my favorite PayPal. You also gain money to spend like a reward scheme and I think I have earned around £2.

And Cream

This is a bit of an update to my "Shaving" posts. Last time I spoke about it was about changing razors and two the Wilkinson Sword: Extreme 3 (female Razors) and the results was awesome but when you catch yourself boy do you. Now I've changed the shaving cream. I used to use Gillette's Fusion (men’s) which was okay but would never last me a month, and never really helped my skin too much. Now I've decided to go expensive... Or have I?

So I went to the Body Shop in town where I live, and I was with my friend where I inquired about shaving cream. I managed to get some samples of "Maca Root Shave Cream" (for men) which I then heard the saleswomen saying to my friend that the cream was great for legs. You know that twitch your brain does when something awesome just hits you? It hit me and I thought "that’s the one”. I tried the samples and it worked really worked well on my face, and still kept my face moisturized after I shaved.

When I got paid I when straight to the Body Shop and bought it, but I knew this shaving cream was for the whole of my body and I thought about taking a gamble and told her about being Bi-Gender and told her what I need the cream for and also what about moisturizing cream for after the shave. It went down a treat, she was lovely and pointed me to the best stuff, and unfortunately, I was on a strict budget so for the first visit that day, but I also got "Hemp Body Butter." The smell might not be the best but the results are awesome, and I would recommend it. It keeps your skin moisturized for a couple of days after you apply it.

Maca Root Shave Cream cost £9 

I've been using these for a month now and not used much and I use these both all over my body. They did cost a bit but I've not used much of both and I think I will get around 2/3 months out of the Shaving Cream and 2/3 months of the Body Butter which I've seen so much improvement in my skin after using both. I think regards to the Shaving cream I'm breaking even or if not saving money maybe a little but it's a saving, plus the shaving cream is worth every penny. I would like to point out everybody is different and results might not be the same as mine.

That day I couldn't help but go back to the shop and as they knew about me being Bi-Gender I bought some make-up brushes £50 and a powered foundation base which is really working well, I will do a post on them soon. I signed up to the reward scheme that they're doing and got a free cream/gel thing for my eyelid when I want a relaxing spa which should have cost around £5.

Thanks for reading.

Hey Guys

December has been very quiet for me and I only presented female twice, both was big occasions. It was the worst when it came from suffering dysphoria also. I don't have a specific topic this week but I have updates on other post which relate to posts that I did about Clothes, Shaving and Bullying etc.

Weight/body Fat
When I started my new job I was in a males size 38/42 pants, within the 6 months I've cut the junk food mostly and eat healthy, with all the running round the warehouse, and a little exercise I'm back down to a 32/34. The only problem is I have none of these sizes in clothes yet, and having to wear a belt, and now my female clothes are also becoming slightly big also. It's still weird as even though I'm shrinking in body mass I'm still 14st/ around 196 ibs

My eating pattern has also changed, I have a healthy...ish breakfast which consists of one bowl of cereal (normally something whole grain) or beans, sausage on toast, then I will head out to work, after my first bus I will have bacon and sausage barm with a latte all my milk is semi-skimmed even for breakfast. Then around 13:30/14:00 I will have my dinner which is normally sandwiches chicken or turkey less fat with two bags of salt and vinegar squares (94 cals per pag) and that will be it till the next morning. I will sometimes eat when I get home but very rarely.

Planning To Do Videos
I also now have a web cam and I'm thinking of doing some video for a while, but due to time mainly and I've not felt any different regards to my gender it has just been male. r. If anyone wants to ask any me any question doesn't matter how silly they might be just ask them. (Questions are only silly if you know the answer to them)

The only questions that I will say about because many people have ask me them is;

1. Are you gay? (meaning will I like men) A. I will always like women no matter which gender role I feel, I have always like female and forever will.
2. Do I sit down when going to the bathroom/restroom? I do that most time even when I present male, nothing worse when your standing up and it goes wrong and everywhere I really can't be bothered cleaning up.

Shaving

Since I posted about Shaving I have changed how I have been shaving and also my skin is becoming more used to it also. I still get rashes on my chest, my Thighs are clearing up from rashes and spots and my skin is smoother than one of my friends. I've started using sugar body scrub once a week and really I shouldn't use it after I've shaved as it does open up little cuts caused by shaving, but the results are just brilliant. I will use post shaving cream after I have dried myself but the journey goes on. I have started to shaving in the bath as the temperature of the water is more constant and opens the paws of your skin meaning a better shave... Apparently
The down side is that my bath is extremely small so trying to get to some areas is harder, I do have a shower after shaving as you're washing yourself in your hairs which thinking about it is disgusting.

Pain is beauty

Make-Up 

My make-up collection has also increased mainly eye shadows and blush. When buying presents for Christmas I came across the No.7 range that Boots do. Most of the products they have get really good reviews and I though why not try some of the products they offer, so I decided on a bundle which was 4 eye shadows, one blusher, make up brushes, eye lash curler and some lip gloss.They came in this neat little bag that also came with a neat price tag of £50.

During the Black Friday deals on amazon I kind of screwed up when buying more make-up with out reading what he item actually was I kind of rushed to buy and when it came I realized that it was a Bratz brand and looking at it and my thought of stuff it lets try it. It made me think that this is aimed at young girls maybe early teens and if I had any kids of my own I would never allow my daughter to wear it as a casual day to day thing... unless it was a fancy dress or something along those lines. It had like a gel type eye shadows of many colors, two shades of blush, and two lipsticks red and like a dark pink. Which all comes in a neat box.

Harassment 

As some of you have read in one of my post was that I started to suffer from a couple of small mind less intellectual people that started to harass me. After the post it got worse and worse and even other people started to notice that it was going on. At one point the way they was commenting on my sexuality and gender started to get stronger. This week (Mon 15th- Sun 21st Dec) it go to the point where I just had enough, I just want to come to work and do my job. This week one of the douche bags cut a bag up and in front of his friends just shouted out. "Nick here's a dress, try it on."

That got to me instantly as at the time I was suffering from so much dysphoria with my gender it was just horrible without someone trying to make it worse. This one is a small guy and as a person that is very loud but I thought to myself he had some intellect about him so I thought I would tell him the basic of what Bi-Gender really is. I pretty much said for me dressing as female is just the tip of the ice burg and not something that happens loads, its the feelings that I have which really make things difficult. His response proved me wrong and made me feel so low. "well you shouldn't wear a dress then"

At that point I had to go for my tea break and have a think. I went to a room where no one goes where I was just hiding my tears just if anyone came in the room. I had a think about my next move knowing if I let it slip now it would get even worse for both parties and I didn't want to go back to the dark aggressive world I used to live in and in this case leave the little bastards flat on their arse in the car park, which would of made things loads worse for me anyways and I don't think I would be serving others similar to me very well.

Luckily the department manager knows about me being Bi-Gender and has known for a while so when I came back off my break, I spoke to him away from the warehouse and told him what it's like and how I feel about being Bi-Gender and what was going on. He took action straight away when we got back to the warehouse, I don't know what was said or what he did but since then I've had no trouble. I said I didn't want any disciplines I just wanted it to stop as the two lads are just clowns and people that when you see dicking around making themselves look like pricks it just makes you laugh and that is what they do. They make the department more bearable to work in. I Think I should of told my department manager about this a while ago. On my mind was when I told the boss of the company he told me its how I deal with the negativity as not everyone would except it. I knew that also but I expected it to come from the people that was religious and are strong to their culture that don't except transgender/homosexual people etc, and the worse thing about is they haven't. It's all come from English people, which aren't religious or cultured.

A few day after it all happened I did get a few pats on the back from other people saying I did the right thing via telling management and got a few people saying they was proud of me for going down that route. Don't get me wrong kicking the hell out of someone is fun when they have upset you, and when your bigger, taller and stronger its funny but it's never the answer, it will make you feel better for a while but I see it like drinking you will have a come down or a hangover and it will hit you. The consequences could be hard on you such as being on work premises you could get sacked, get arrested and the biggest one is you could feel guilt. Not a feeling that I would take easy as i'm not a person to feel guilt so I would have no idea how I would cope feeling it.

Clothes and fashion Sense

I really want some more cloths without waiting. This means going out as female as buying female clothes as male is something that I don't want to do. I think we will be raiding Primark for cloths main reason for that is the clothes are cheap so I can easily find the style and choice of clothing without spending loads of money. I went Manchester with a close friend and she wanted to go into Primark which was awesome as it meant I could scout out cloths and the main reason what size of footwear they do up to, I saw some boots in my size so it made me happy so when the times comes of me going to shop for clothes as female I won't be wasting much time looking. I do intend to look in River Island still as I still need a coat and I've only seen one from River Island that I like. If I find one in Primark I will get it and wait for the one in River Island. I would like my first time out to be with as many friends as possible as I don't want any trouble and if there a good few of you, it will be harder for people to start trouble, Plus it will make me feel better being with people for support.

who knows when it will be or what will happen next.

Hey all

This week big topic for me is shaving.

All girls do it, and now it seems more men are taking to the razor, waxing etc to remove body hair. I will be writing this post from both my male and female sides. I was supposed to have wrote this during the week but due to the awkward hours my male side works it's to late to write a post, we can only plan on future topics. This is yet another topic that will be split into parts as it's a new ending story and changes will happen the more it goes on.

So here goes another personal topic and experience that I and many other people go through.

Before My Skin Went Under The Razor
As my male side from the first moment I found out that I was Bi-Gender I said when asked "would I ever shave?" At that time I strongly believed that it would be a step to far and would end up emasculating my masculinity. I would only go as far as trim over grown body hair, but from this summer I heard a few male lads that shave their bodies and when I went on my brothers stag do I got a massive impression that a couple of the lads shave. Can't say I'm sure on that one I didn't ask as really just think about it on a stag do, "hey man do you shave" like come on how camp and bad of a question would that be? Awkwarrrrrrddddd.


But still hearing that many males shave that live fairly normal lives kind of made me relax, and let my guard down.

As for my female side shaving was never important at the time, as I had many other things going on and I was still constructing a basic image with clothing and make-up etc, I suppose that is a never ending thing but I feel that everyone has that style they follow and use guidelines etc. A big thing that never made me think about shaving was I've seen many girls with hairy arms, not really hairy but visible to the naked eye and easily seen on photos so it never bothered me or even made me aware.

Hair on arm/hand

Shaving only hit me a few days after I was out in Blackpool within the public presented as female did my body hair become a problem. For some reason I was thinking about how awesome my time presented as the gender I felt with no one causing trouble etc.

I know I've used this image a few times but it just goes with so many posts at the moment.

The first time I shaved my body I didn't even think about it. I just went for a normal facial and didn't intend on presenting female but for some reason I accidentally just ended up shaving my hairs on my hand off... Then my arm hair soon went. (That's where my female side triggered) One hour later it came to me having a shower, just before that I ended up getting the clippers out and shaving the extreme amount of hair away from my legs. I then got in the shower and shaved my legs.

Hair on arm/hand

I didn't have the best razors and I think I went through 6 razors when I did my arms, legs and chest etc. I used Shaving creme and I had some skin conditioner by Nivea at the time of doing this.

The Aftermath Thoughts And Feelings From Then To Now 

A I was shaving I had a thought "what should I wear?" It ended up being a black dress without any leggings or jeans, but then the temperature dropped (In my flat the temperature can change quickly without being in the shower or bath) As I was getting ready I ended up catching my skin on my leg and was hit with the feeling of total smooth skin. I couldn't believe how smooth my skin was, it was like the hair kept my skin free from spots or rashes, I now look back at some of my photos and think "why didn't I shave sooner?" It makes me feel so uneasy looking at the older photos where I see body hair. My hair was like a second skin. I never knew how smooth my skin was.

With my flat that I live in starting to get cold and with no body hair to help me keep that little bit warm I needed something to help but without having to wear leggings or jeans. (heating was turned on but would take an hour to start to heat up) I do look at fashion mags and in at the moment is my favorite footwear and really the only type of footwear I have which are boots. I only ever tell people about my ankle boots, and my knees, but the ones I wore on this occasion was something I would never go out the in and will just wear them when its cold and only with me in the house and that is my over-the-knee boots. I know the way I describe them might have some people thinking I keep them for some form of sexual activity but I don't. I rarely wear them it's just when it gets cold in the flat at night mainly. I hate UGG boots or any type that resemble them, so they're out of the question. These for me was the best option to try with my skin being now exposed without hair.

In my flat it doesn't matter what mode i'm in, if I know I have nothing planned I will wear shorts and a tee-shirt or a light material top. I don't really like the picture above main reason is due to my camera I used to use being broken and I had to use the surface for the pictures. I don't care how bad I looked or how slutty it seemed, I never went out and stayed in and those boots kept me warm.  I think suede boots would of been better but I don't have any... Yet.

One thing I nearly forgot to mention is how good the boots felt whist wearing them. It made me think on how much feeling you lose when your body is covered in hairs. Another thing about shaving was it revealed how dark my hair was and made me see how much of a milk bottle my skin is. Maybe next year the sun beds might be on the cards, not like obsessive as you can get hold of skin hormones that will give you a tan. I only know this as I saw them in Holland and Barrett's whilst shopping for protein and muti-vitamins.

A few days after shaving mainly my legs it started to mess up my skin with rashes and spots, I have no idea why this was as I shaved with the grain on my skin and not against plus I did moisturize my skin daily. I can only think this was down to using clippers first on my skin as it did produce loads of scratches and would of damaged my skin before taking a razor and shaving which after reading many forums it drys your skin anyways. I think the razors was a factor also as they was cheap crappy ones that have no moisturizing applications on them. I think my skin needs to get used to shaving as well. Not sure it that true but my skin at the time looked a mess, now isn't to bad, as I use "Wilkinson Sword Xtreme 3 Beauty" which comes with 3 blades in stead of the 2 I've been using, they also come with some sort of moisturizing application on it, the blade is more flexible and pivots at a 30 degree angle... And it still cuts the shit out of my leg and I think even more than the crappy 2 blades with no moisturizing blades I used to use. Black Friday is around the corner which Cyber Monday will follow so I hope the price of the better Razors will drop massively and will also look into better skin care. I think that working in a dusty warehouse doesn't help for my arms no matter how often I wash my arms and shower.

Shaving isn't just about my legs. It opens more opportunities to show skin. Showing skin for me is legs and tops like in the photo above and more arms. No showing of the belly from me sorry to get many hopes up. Joking, even if I had a flat stomach I wouldn't show. (maybe next year I will work getting more in shape, but one step at a time)  

Shaving for my male side has changed mainly the way of image. Only one person has asked about me shaving and that was by another male. I work with a few females that aren't afraid to voice their options and will ask questions so we done to them for noticing... Not. Even as male I have changed on how I see body hair and now really don't like it. I've looked a few times at my skin whether its my body or legs etc and thought how disgusting. I've seen on a few forums how people let shaving take up so much time and time is not what I have a lot of. I tend to spend around 30 minutes shaving from facial to the whole body, probably the reason why I end up with loads of cuts.

I highly doubt I will ever go back to being hairy ever again. In the past I've had my legs waxed for charity and I really don't know why most men cry like a bitch as I really don't think it hurts. I remember at one charity event there was these two lads one I knew and they was screaming like they was going to die it was so funny then I got roped into it and I have witnesses, people with their phone recording me thinking I would scream when I only turned round to watch the rugby league internationals on TV (think it was England vs Australia at Leigh Sports Village stadium where England thrashed them) until they was finished with my leg haha this is all true by the way.

Not thought of my next topic but I did get a text off a courier company called DPD. The only thing I'm expecting is my new hair, which I have had made custom that took 12 days to make and is real human hair, so I can dye it and do other things that with synthetic hair you couldn't. I can straighten my synthetic hair that I have now but up to 120 degrees Celsius.