Hey everyone.

This is my first year anniversary of realising that I'm Bi-Gender and decided to take the big leap to learn and discover more about myself. Not only that on the 9th April 2014 was not just the day I decided to take the leap I also came out to a very close co-worker. Which not only went positive but within a month all my store knew about it and the results was positive, which only gave me the strength to do more, learn more and able to push myself more than I ever have in my life.

First 12 months in a nutshell;

1. Came out to my first person
2. Came out to brother
3. Came out to father
4. Came out to a close friend
5. Presented female for the first time to that close friend and went out (all the above within my first month)
6. Went out on my own as female (okay it was early hours of the morning)
7. Went out in public for the first time (Blackpool)
8. Came out at my new work place to the Managing Director of my new work place (Complete acceptance)
9. Came out on Facebook
10. Presented as female and meet up with a massive group of friends at the pub round the corner from where I lived.
11. Presented female at my closest friends house
12. Stopped two idiots from discriminating me 
13. Most if not all my work place know and had mainly support.

I admit I do go on about it too many times especially Blackpool, but I have to be honest I'm proud of my achievements and how many I've done in such a short time. It makes me feel so lucky that I have been able to do what I have as I know friends around the world that hasn't been able to, due to where they live. Which has been due to their background, where they live and religious issues etc. It makes me feel so happy that I've had the support and was able to over come two people that bullied to me.

My only big thing to face me is going out during the day as female. I can't just be shying away from buying clothes, make-up and other things online. 

Changes

From my first picture to now loads if not everything has changed, and to be honest I think for the better. 

Changes in my face
(left the oldest to right the latest)

Changes on a whole (Attire);

 One of the first pictures (was my Bushido gear)

 Jeans, hoodie, snood (River Island), boots (New Look)

Blackpool

 Leather jacket, jeans and boots (under the jeans)

 Black skater dress and over the knee boots

 

 Dress Same as above with Knee boots (from JustFab)

 At Christmas before I went to the pub 

I played it safe Long sweater jeans and ankle boots (new look)

My last outing a couple of months ago outing was at night

Long parka coat, jeans and ankle boots

This was taken last week and seemed to be loved by my friends

 black Lace dress, tights and suede over the knee boots

(Boots from Pink boutique, you can find this style everywhere)

Overall I think I've changed for the better, and I'm sure I will achieve more and more. This year has been a dream as I managed to discover more about myself, about other people and how good people have been. From me now respecting my brother more as I'm sure if anyone knew me before this they will say I used to hate him and I think he knew also... yeah really I did. Now I respect him loads for the support hes has given and how he has changed from being a prick to a douche bag.

For all the people that has supported me...

Love you loads
xx

Hey Guys

December has been very quiet for me and I only presented female twice, both was big occasions. It was the worst when it came from suffering dysphoria also. I don't have a specific topic this week but I have updates on other post which relate to posts that I did about Clothes, Shaving and Bullying etc.

Weight/body Fat
When I started my new job I was in a males size 38/42 pants, within the 6 months I've cut the junk food mostly and eat healthy, with all the running round the warehouse, and a little exercise I'm back down to a 32/34. The only problem is I have none of these sizes in clothes yet, and having to wear a belt, and now my female clothes are also becoming slightly big also. It's still weird as even though I'm shrinking in body mass I'm still 14st/ around 196 ibs

My eating pattern has also changed, I have a healthy...ish breakfast which consists of one bowl of cereal (normally something whole grain) or beans, sausage on toast, then I will head out to work, after my first bus I will have bacon and sausage barm with a latte all my milk is semi-skimmed even for breakfast. Then around 13:30/14:00 I will have my dinner which is normally sandwiches chicken or turkey less fat with two bags of salt and vinegar squares (94 cals per pag) and that will be it till the next morning. I will sometimes eat when I get home but very rarely.

Planning To Do Videos
I also now have a web cam and I'm thinking of doing some video for a while, but due to time mainly and I've not felt any different regards to my gender it has just been male. r. If anyone wants to ask any me any question doesn't matter how silly they might be just ask them. (Questions are only silly if you know the answer to them)

The only questions that I will say about because many people have ask me them is;

1. Are you gay? (meaning will I like men) A. I will always like women no matter which gender role I feel, I have always like female and forever will.
2. Do I sit down when going to the bathroom/restroom? I do that most time even when I present male, nothing worse when your standing up and it goes wrong and everywhere I really can't be bothered cleaning up.

Shaving

Since I posted about Shaving I have changed how I have been shaving and also my skin is becoming more used to it also. I still get rashes on my chest, my Thighs are clearing up from rashes and spots and my skin is smoother than one of my friends. I've started using sugar body scrub once a week and really I shouldn't use it after I've shaved as it does open up little cuts caused by shaving, but the results are just brilliant. I will use post shaving cream after I have dried myself but the journey goes on. I have started to shaving in the bath as the temperature of the water is more constant and opens the paws of your skin meaning a better shave... Apparently
The down side is that my bath is extremely small so trying to get to some areas is harder, I do have a shower after shaving as you're washing yourself in your hairs which thinking about it is disgusting.

Pain is beauty

Make-Up 

My make-up collection has also increased mainly eye shadows and blush. When buying presents for Christmas I came across the No.7 range that Boots do. Most of the products they have get really good reviews and I though why not try some of the products they offer, so I decided on a bundle which was 4 eye shadows, one blusher, make up brushes, eye lash curler and some lip gloss.They came in this neat little bag that also came with a neat price tag of £50.

During the Black Friday deals on amazon I kind of screwed up when buying more make-up with out reading what he item actually was I kind of rushed to buy and when it came I realized that it was a Bratz brand and looking at it and my thought of stuff it lets try it. It made me think that this is aimed at young girls maybe early teens and if I had any kids of my own I would never allow my daughter to wear it as a casual day to day thing... unless it was a fancy dress or something along those lines. It had like a gel type eye shadows of many colors, two shades of blush, and two lipsticks red and like a dark pink. Which all comes in a neat box.

Harassment 

As some of you have read in one of my post was that I started to suffer from a couple of small mind less intellectual people that started to harass me. After the post it got worse and worse and even other people started to notice that it was going on. At one point the way they was commenting on my sexuality and gender started to get stronger. This week (Mon 15th- Sun 21st Dec) it go to the point where I just had enough, I just want to come to work and do my job. This week one of the douche bags cut a bag up and in front of his friends just shouted out. "Nick here's a dress, try it on."

That got to me instantly as at the time I was suffering from so much dysphoria with my gender it was just horrible without someone trying to make it worse. This one is a small guy and as a person that is very loud but I thought to myself he had some intellect about him so I thought I would tell him the basic of what Bi-Gender really is. I pretty much said for me dressing as female is just the tip of the ice burg and not something that happens loads, its the feelings that I have which really make things difficult. His response proved me wrong and made me feel so low. "well you shouldn't wear a dress then"

At that point I had to go for my tea break and have a think. I went to a room where no one goes where I was just hiding my tears just if anyone came in the room. I had a think about my next move knowing if I let it slip now it would get even worse for both parties and I didn't want to go back to the dark aggressive world I used to live in and in this case leave the little bastards flat on their arse in the car park, which would of made things loads worse for me anyways and I don't think I would be serving others similar to me very well.

Luckily the department manager knows about me being Bi-Gender and has known for a while so when I came back off my break, I spoke to him away from the warehouse and told him what it's like and how I feel about being Bi-Gender and what was going on. He took action straight away when we got back to the warehouse, I don't know what was said or what he did but since then I've had no trouble. I said I didn't want any disciplines I just wanted it to stop as the two lads are just clowns and people that when you see dicking around making themselves look like pricks it just makes you laugh and that is what they do. They make the department more bearable to work in. I Think I should of told my department manager about this a while ago. On my mind was when I told the boss of the company he told me its how I deal with the negativity as not everyone would except it. I knew that also but I expected it to come from the people that was religious and are strong to their culture that don't except transgender/homosexual people etc, and the worse thing about is they haven't. It's all come from English people, which aren't religious or cultured.

A few day after it all happened I did get a few pats on the back from other people saying I did the right thing via telling management and got a few people saying they was proud of me for going down that route. Don't get me wrong kicking the hell out of someone is fun when they have upset you, and when your bigger, taller and stronger its funny but it's never the answer, it will make you feel better for a while but I see it like drinking you will have a come down or a hangover and it will hit you. The consequences could be hard on you such as being on work premises you could get sacked, get arrested and the biggest one is you could feel guilt. Not a feeling that I would take easy as i'm not a person to feel guilt so I would have no idea how I would cope feeling it.

Clothes and fashion Sense

I really want some more cloths without waiting. This means going out as female as buying female clothes as male is something that I don't want to do. I think we will be raiding Primark for cloths main reason for that is the clothes are cheap so I can easily find the style and choice of clothing without spending loads of money. I went Manchester with a close friend and she wanted to go into Primark which was awesome as it meant I could scout out cloths and the main reason what size of footwear they do up to, I saw some boots in my size so it made me happy so when the times comes of me going to shop for clothes as female I won't be wasting much time looking. I do intend to look in River Island still as I still need a coat and I've only seen one from River Island that I like. If I find one in Primark I will get it and wait for the one in River Island. I would like my first time out to be with as many friends as possible as I don't want any trouble and if there a good few of you, it will be harder for people to start trouble, Plus it will make me feel better being with people for support.

who knows when it will be or what will happen next.

If there is one is one thing about being different to other people whether its being homosexual, Transgender, Bi-Gender, or dressing towards a culture (Goth, Emo etc) and many more you will have that one person at least that will either take a joke to far or really make life hard for you to benefit themselves.

Luckily for me I have had so much support it's been amazing and made me so confident and has really made me what I am today, but now I have bumped into problems, it's surrounding this one individual. He calls me names, he talks out aloud to people that didn't even know, he really does go to town on me. Personally I don't see him as a bully, just an idiot that thinks it's funny and doesn't understand the concept of what Bi-Gender is... Probably never will.

It's been going on for a month now, I don't find it funny but I don't find it where it upsets me, I don't let him get the best of me. It pisses me off but that is the hard part, it makes me think "Boy if I could only finish at 17:30 and knock him out in the car park" or just go round to where he goes on a night out and get him there. As awesome as it would be to get my own back it isn't the answer. Accepting your different means that you have to be strong on the inside. The thing is I know that I have nothing bad to feel about as I know he has a daughter and I know he takes drugs (I remember him telling me in August/September). I don't know how much he sees his daughter but I know he aint worth it, as I'm sure his daughter will end up disowning him when she comes of age if he carries on, that is if he hasn't over dosed himself by then.

Some of the names I get called or phrases  that are used are;

"Lady Boy"
"Go get a frock on"
"No, you can't suck my Dick"
"Go Suck dick"
"Stop looking at my ass" (which I don't nothing to see)
"Stop touching me" (why the hell would I do such a thing)

He also likes to sing a song which is really only one line which no one laughs at mainly as he can't finish it.

"He wears a frock he loves the cock Nick,Nick"

Mostly are aimed at me liking other males which I know i'm not. Even when I present female, I will always go for females.
It generally makes me laugh, it really does. Mainly as he really is a fucking idiot. he's lazy, a prick and he doesn't think his life is worse than mine. I generally don't talk to him unless I need to. It's him that starts something from nothing. I know many people would get upset or pissed off but that's not how I work. If I can't handle someone that says a load of bull then how and I going to handle when someone does worse? I know it will happen at some point.

Name calling doesn't hurt specially when it's from someone you don't care about. If he dies tomorrow I'm not going to give a fuck, if he comes in saying he can't see his kid (again i'm not sure if he can or not but if) I will generally not show any compassion. Why would you? He went round telling people that I didn't tell and made up a load of bull. Yes you can lash out but the biggest question is? Is it worth your job? No its not. I spend around 5-6 hours and I don't see him all the time, plus their is a chance I won't be in the same area for my time there.

The thing that does my head in is how inaccurate everything he uses are, or when he tells other people that I never told. 99% of the time when hes on his own he says nothing, So is getting worked up worth it? Not really when I'm taller and around 4 stone heavier and still faster that what he is.

I only see this as a positive as everything he says is wrong anyway and I know that my life is so much better than his. I know that Karma will happen and will affect him more than it will with me. I know I have so many people that are with me than against me. If you're transgender, Bi-Gender, Homosexual, Emo, Goth etc it doesn't mean you have to take the shit people give you. It's about how you react to people. You go to work to work, not really to make friends. If you do good, a nice bonus.

My advice to you if your going through the same or similar is don't let people bring you down especially if you have great support and following like I have. Look to the future, so if you just have to work with them why let it bother you?
Bullying is what you think of the situation really. For me its someone that's trying to look cool in front of people. When he has been on his own he normally talks to me about football. (NFL and soccer) so for me it doesn't really get to me so let him have his cheap laughs as I know his problem outside of work will be worse than mine. One day he will piss the wrong person off and they will swing for him.

If you feel that you're getting bullied their are many ways to deal with it if you want to stop.

• Talk to that person. (They might not know they're hurting or offending you)
• Talk to the next in command. (sometimes it better as they're not snotty and can put things in better perspective for that person that has offended/upset you)
• Talk to HR. (HR - Human Resources are a great way to settle most issues and have all the information to help you and help put a stop to bullying, but not all HR departments are great)
• Talk to the higher ups or even owners depending on what type of business you work in. (If you talk to your bosses and they know about your situation than it's great way to sort any issue out as they will act)
• If all else fails there are many methods that can be helped outside of the work place, such as legal action, or in the UK we have a service called Acas.

Acas

Acas are great to use. They give free advice for problems in the workplace. This service can be used for employees and employers, They offer other services at a price to business to help them with the HR side of things. Acas has government sponsor so you are guaranteed not go get rubbish only the impartial information that you need for the issue that you have. They will give you the rights that you have as an employer or employee and will even give you links to the right places. They will help you for all business HR related questions not just bullying.

Contact details

Number: 0300 123 1100 (UK)

Hours: (8am-8pm Monday to Friday and 9am-1pm Saturday)

I Don't think there's an e-mail but even if there was I wouldn't use it. I would advise you speak to them so you know how they sound on the phone and they can always e-mail you the information you need. You can always write notes down using pen and paper or use notepad, word etc. These for me are a last resort but you can also compare notes from what your HR or bosses say to what Acas say. Acas will tell you what is law.